Hi,
I was wondering how all of you handle being alone. Before the divorce the only thing I wanted was to be alone, but now I feel so lonely.I try to keep busy, but sometimes the quiet is too much. I would never take my exh back, dating is scary to me because I am afraid to ge hurt again.
Am I the only one that feels this way?

Married 4/74
Divorced 4/2001
Him 55
Me 48
2 adult children

Angelad20: This is probably my biggest problem also. I have lots of friends and family but I still feel very much alone at times. Friends and family cannot be with me 24 hours a day. Yesterday was tough. I was feeling down and alone so I went to the gym, then I went for a bike ride then I went for a long walk. If nothing else, I am going to be in great shape.

I have no idea how to deal with the intense lonliness sometimes. I even feel it occasionally when I am around people. The feeling has actually gotten worse the further out I am from the separation. It has now been six months. I am not yet divorced, but close, and do not feel like dating. I think that maybe the loneliness is part of the recovery and learning to live with yourself again.

Angelad,
Welcome to the forum. Loneliness is also a big problem for me, especially on the weeks when my daughter is with her father. I spend a lot of time on the computer and working on my yard. I joined a Parents without Partners group and a singles group which has a lot of social events. Still, I find myself alone too much of the time.

I find it very difficult to go places alone. I am not very good at starting conversations with strangers and find myself standing alone looking stupid. I know I need to work on this aspect of my personality but my self esteem is a little low right now and I have a great fear of rejection. Just posting my first reply on this forum took a lot of courage for me! I think you have come to the right place-I know this forum has helped me tremendously. Take care, Lisa

Angelad20,
Welcome, and I'm sorry that your here, but you couldn't have found a better place to come.
We all experience the loneliness factor, it is one of the trials that we must all endure at some point in time during our healing process.
For some, it is more intense than for others at all different times of the day and night. there is no set pattern or rule.
We all have our good and bad days. What I try to do is keep myself occupied with work, my children, support groups, friends, this board hobbies and I pray to the Lord everyday. I try to keep my mind off of what was, and I try to look to the future.
What works for some, does not work for others... it's an individual thing that you will need to work on through trial and error.
Start out with what seems to be working for you and then add and delete from there.
It will take time, there is no quick fix or cure for what we all feel.
In time your wounds will heal, you just need to nurture yourself and take care of yourself the best that you can.
You will know what is working for you and what is not. Hang in there it does get better.
But you will have your ups and downs... it is to be expected.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Dear angelad20:

Gosh, no, you are not the only one who feels this way. My house turned into a real quiet place after the W left. I do have my three dachshunds and four cats, all adopted during the marraige, and I love them as dearly as any father loves his human children, but there is no one with a smile and a warm hug and kiss when I come home from work and no one to kiss goodnight or wake up to.

No, you are not alone.

c++_guy

Ditto, ditto, ditto to all of the above! but here is a big (((CYBERHUG))) to all of you, and I have plenty more! We will turn this around! There is something special just around the corner for all of us. I know the fear of being hurt again but I will not give in to it, I like giving, for now to my children and friends and God! and maybe one day to someone special! God Bless us All!

Angelad20,

Being alone is much harder now that I'm divorced than it was before I was married. Now I know what I'm missing. Since we sold the house during the divorce, I don't even have the neighbors I've known for the last 5 years.

Even finding a hobby is not as much fun when you're by yourself. Riding my motorcycle is still enjoyable, but not like it was when I had someone with whom to share it.

c++_guy,

Come over to my house and my dog will give you all the hugs you want. Of course, he'll also knock you down and lick you to death, but that's a different problem.

Hi Angelad, I definately understand what you are going through. My H and I have only begun our D, and have only been separated a month, but it has been the longest most lonely month of my life. I work for the school system and am off summers, so I have plenty of time to dwell on my situation and feel bad, but I know that God will sustain me and fill my life with love from other places. My kids help a lot, and my friends at church are reaching out to me also. I haven't joined any local support groups yet, but I might look into it. I am just grateful I found MB, the people at this site have encouraged me a great deal, and it is just nice to know that you are not the only one going through something painful. We can always lean on God, but thank God we can also lean on each other, I will pray for you.
God Bless

M/7/25/1990
H had 3 A's over course of marriage
Separated 6/14/02
Div in process
H lives 600 miles away, so hard on children
B/10 G/11 yrold
Trying to keep my sanity through it all.

Thank you all for your support, it makes me feel less of a strange person to know that I am not the only one that feels this way. My husband was not there for me throughout our marriage, but although I really don't miss him, I think what I miss is the familiarity of another person being there. I bought a Bichon Frise puppy 5 months ago, she keeps me busy and she welcomes me with lots of kisses, but as much as I love her, its not the same as having a loving person to share your life with. Being in a loveless marriage and never having experienced what a loving mate is like, is the one experience I look forward to. I love God and my children, but the love of a spouse has to be a special thing in life.
Angela

I was totally alone in my marriage if that makes sense. I was married 16 years and in that time, I can count on both hands the number of times I woke up with him or went to bed with him. One of the reasons I did divorce is because I was so overcome with loneliness. After the divorce it was tough dealing with the kids, but for the first time I was able to go see friends and family without giving the H a full intinary of where I was going; he never wanted to go with me. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I was lonely then...now I'm alone, but content.
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angelad20,

There have been some very good posts here....it's something that I have a feeling that we all deal with. HappyMac's post hit home with me. I too was lonely and alone most of my 21 years of M.

There are so many things that have helped me starting with knowing that this won't last forever... that if I can feel whatever it is that I need to go through....that I will heal.

Being of service to others is a great way of filling time, while feeling fullfilled.

Last but not least, come to this board & post. I'ts amazing how close you begin to feel to all these people who you don't know (as least right onw) and haven't seen. Just knowing others are going through the same thing is a great blessing.

Cyber hugs <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

D.