After 22 years and 3 children my wife decides its time for her .she loves me but not in love with me the usual .just wanted to start over . I did all the wrong things begged her to stay offered her the world for a few months .it just drove her farther away .Well i started reading and surfing and came up with a plan .kind of a tuff love plan .i told her she could move out and start over if she wanted to and if she changed her mind later i,d have to door open for her at home.she never admited an affair but all the signs were there .to make a long story short .she moved out 2 years ago and hasnt contacted her children or me .we have d 22 s 21 s 17 .I can understand her blaming me for not meeting her needs but how does a woman walk away from her children for 2 years .
she wasnt sad at all when she moved out .as a matter of fact she was acting happy and laffing most of the last month she was at home .well has anybody had a similar experince to this ?Up until she dropped the bomb on me she had been a very devoted mother .then all she could say was its time for me .over and over she said its time for me .The children all say shes gone nuts .And dont even try to contact her anymore. They did at first but she avoided them .im just wondering if she,ll ever show her self again its been 2 christmas,s 2 graduations 6 birthdays and no sign of dear old mom .the devorce was final december 2000. I got full custody of the then 15 year old son and the house .She got the 401k .And life goes on i guess .I,v been lurking on this and other bb for 1 year or so.I would like to thank all the people who had the guts to post here.there were times when it really helped to know i wasnt the only one that was dieing on the inside . i dont thik i can be of much help to others on the board .im still confused myself and always will be .Thanks much folks !

Open Out-Sorry to hear your story...Late midlife crisis maybe?

I could only hope and pray that these people that walk-away would finally wake-up from the abduction of their souls.

Are taking care of yourself? Rebuilding your life? Finidng outside interests to find some happiness?

You have my complete admiration and respect for holding things together for your children. They must love you very much.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children.

-ND

Hi Open,

I am sorry for what you had to go through. Honestly I have no contact with my ex. Granted we have no children. Just cats. Which we did have a custody battle over. So it is much different than your situation.

I think on these boards you will find many woman who have walked away from their children. I do not understand that one either. I am sorry for your children. One day she is going to want a relationship with them and it will not happen. I wish nothing but the best for you and your family.

I am so sorry it has happened.

Open Out I feel your pain, I divorced my husband after 27 years of marriage because he cheated on me 3 times. I forgave him the first 2 times, but I warned him that if he did it again there wouldn't be anymore chances. 2 years ago I found e-mails that he was sending to women on the internet, he had posted a profile and was planning to meet one of the women. That was the last straw, I told him to move out while he pleaded that it was just a joke, it didn't mean anything, I didn't buy it! He hasn't contacted one of the children in 2 years, missed her wedding and is going to miss the birth of his first grandchild, the other child he ignores and treats his girlfriend better than he treats his own daughter. Just remember it not you, its her, you have something more precious than anything in the world, you have your children. As a woman I and a mother I am ashamed for your ex wife, nothing in life is more precious than your children and she will regret it someday. Keep your chin up, the confusion will get better it takes time, I still feel very hurt and angry, take one day at a time and read these posts they really help there are a lot of nice people here, I have been reading them for a while and recently started posting. Take care
Angela

Do you maintain contact with members of her family? Such as the kids Aunts/Uncles/Grandparents?

Do they keep you informed of her life? Do you know if she lives in the area?

I cannot imagine not being a part of my kids lives. Even if I don't want to be married to their father.

OPEN OUT,
I know of what you speak. Over the last 2-1/2 yrs of a 23 yr."M", my WW has had numerous "A" and finally walked out on her family 3 months ago and counting with no contact.
My children and I do not expect to hear anything from her for a long, long, time.
Since she has walked out there has been 2 birthdays and 1 bad car wreck my son was in. During that time not one phone call to my children for anything.
It will someday catch up with her and it will be her lose. Her chiidren, S23, D18, D16, already resent her for what she has done.
It will take years for my STBXW to recover their love and admiration, if ever.
It's sad, and I understand how you are feeling.
I have no words of wisdom or help that I can give you regarding your situation, because it's impossible for me to rationalize this type of behavior.
Give thanks that you have your children, and their love and understanding. That's worth more than you can possibly imagine.
IMHO, WW's that do this are not worth the time of day to even concern yourself with.
It's a huge loss in their lives that they will someday realize and regret.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

My wife of 19 years (when she left) took off 3.5 years ago when our daughters were 8 (just turned ) & 13. She has only seen the kids once and calls very sporadically. Only about 5 times last year and a few times this year.

I finally divorced her Jan of this year and she doesn't even know it yet.

I have sole custody, no visitation at all for her and I get everything except the 2 suitcases she took with her.

New dutchman
you may be correct about midlife crisis being involved .6 months before she left .i found a new red sports car in our drive after work .seems she wanted it so she look the money out of the bank we,d been saving to remodel our home and went and bought it .after all it was time for her .about the same time the snakeskin mini skirts started showing up around here and the insync cd,s etc.she was the nicest looking 45 yr old teenager you ever saw .yes i have been moving my life foward in manys ways and i just try to stat busy and not dwell on the past .thank for posting

Panakissa2
well when my ex/w left here we owned 2 horses 2 dogs and 2 cats add to that the 3 kids and i didnt have to have a custody battle for any of them .guess i was lucky in that department .thats another thing that bothers me do people usualy just walk away from the pets too?i mean a pet cant piss you off can they .the family contiues to move foward and grow with out her its just a really strange thing some times .thanks for your post .
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angelad20

thanks for the encouragement .no one seems to understand what happened to her .im greatfull my children are all old enough to understand the situation for what it is .i dont think i could have taken it if my kids were younger and i had to be seperated from them .no way .i still get mad once in a while to but most of the time im ok .after 2 years i thought i wouldnt think about her as much but just about every day i wonder about her .i dont let it consume me but i do wonder .thanks for posting

lexxxy

yes i,v had some contact with her mother and sisters ,they,v come to some of the graduations and birthdays . They dont bring her up so neither do i .i know where she was living when she moved out 18 months ago .but after she got the 401k money who knows .im guessing its off to cruises, boob jobs,and face lifts land .thanks for posting

wallace

im sorry to here your in a simular situation ,i fell your pain first hand .you know in many ways it makes it easier on the spouse when they just disapear .you have free run on the way you kids are brought up and the fighting is much less .ya just have to wonder what kinda train wreak it,ll be when they show up again .the very end of your post says it all .these ww,s are of no use to a family thats trying to do the right thing in life .thanks for posting .

ca123

your story sounds as close to mine as i,v seen on this board .in many ways it think it makes it easier on us when they dissapear in other ways harder .i know what you feel like thats for sure . thanks for posting

p.s. thanks for bearing with me folks as you can tell i dont compose letters for a living .and it took 30 min for me to type this and post it .but it was new and fun !thanks again and god bless.

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