As most of you know, that SNL and I are getting a divorce. I am following the path of my lawyer, pretty much to the tee. I have never done this before, and with 24 years of marriage, this is difficult. My WH came to the house, I see him most every day. I would like the comings to this home to stop. But he says he has business matters to take care of here. Anyways, he went through the check book and found that I paid off a VISA card, without telling him. He is not the owner of the card, I am the primary owner, and I just put him on at the end of last year. He overused the credit card by $90 dollars. My lawyer told me to cancel all credit cards, so I paid it off, and told them to cancel the card. WH got so upset, said he was going to pay that card off later. Well, I don't want my credit ruined, that is why SNL can't get a credit card of his own, his credit is ruined. Anyways, he sees that I wrote a check to my lawyer. Around $4000 paid in total. He was so upset, yelling at me, telling me that he only spent $1200 and that is all his lawyer is asking. WEll, SNL was suppose to turn in the discovery stuff, he never did, I did, and my lawyer told me today, that the stuff was never turned in by SNL, and that his lawyer is going to be fined. SNL waited about 2 months to finally admit that he had an affair with the OW. Today, he states that he didn't have an affair, that they were just friends. Now SNL is telling our kids that I am using up all the money that we have on my lawyer, and he is going to alienate me with the kids telling the kids that I am worthless, and using all our money for lawyer purposes. Our 18 year old son told me to fire my lawyer, and to find someone cheaper. Also, he said he is working his butt off with dad and I am spending the money on my lawyer. I can't take this much more, SNL does this alienation, and I feel I am going to die. Joe is a procrastinator 100% and this is causing problems with his lawyer and my lawyer. My lawyer has everything organized, and set. I have everything filed, and copied. SNL and his lawyer are both disorganized, procrastinators. and this I think is making SNL upset, that I am organized, and so is my lawyer. I feel I must fire my lawyer, and just take what SNL gives me. And to heck with what is fair. SNL hates my guts, doesn't care about me, and therefore, is going to throw me in the dumpster, like I stated about 9 months ago. Should I get rid of my lawyer, and find someone else? This is so hard, I don't want to lose my kids over this. I don't want them to think that I am using money uselessly. Oh yeah, SNL told me today, the $7000 he used on the OW was for a good reason. To have a relationship with the other woman, and to have sincere talk and date. My money I am spending is making someone else rich. So I guess I am stupid and a terrible manager of money. Help, this is killing me. What should I do?

Hi Cry2much,

You're really being put through the wringer, I'm so sorry. If I was you I wouldn't fire my lawyer, you're only doing what has to be done to protect yourself.

Is there no way you can stop seeing and talking to SNL? It would be much easier for you to have time to relax, and not be so influenced and confused by SNL's twisted thinking.

I'm praying for you and your family,

Evensong

Keep your lawyer, my H is doing much the same thing with our D but last night she started talking to me about her new boyfriend, then actually commented on how she could talk to me, and then asked if we could have breakfast together today since she goes with her Dad tonight and I won't get to see her until late tonight again. That felt really nice.

Keep your lawyer, the more he complains to the kids, the more you can give to your lawyer about putting them in the middle. Don't you say anything about the divorce or H to the kids. Just be there for them when H dissappoints them and he will.

There is also the issue of we have our own business. It is a heating and airconditioning buisness. I have done the books, phones, dispatching, etc, since 1990 fulltime. We have a personal account with both our names on it, and we have a business account with both our names on it. He threatened me last night that he is going to take my name off the accounts. He threatened me last night with if I don't cooperate then there are consequences by which you will have to take. I see SNL everyday, cause of the business. He had interviewed a woman to take my job and was going to pay her $600 a week for 30 hours. I haven't gotten paid a check since 1990. Before that I was answering the phone parttime and working parttime as a LPN in a nursing home. In 1990 I was injured on the job, and therefore had 3 surgeries on my R arm, and lifting is limited to 10#'s.

Why is he going to go to the lowest step and use our kids against me? This is not a rational man talking, this is a man talking with the devil in his head. Now he has our son against me, and telling me that I am using his money that he is making with his dad to make my lawyer richer. He says that dad says his lawyer is saying my lawyer is a money eater. Divorce is such an ugly situation, and this is so wrong, so disrespectful, and so uncaring from my stbx WH.

Then to say, that the money he spent with the other woman $7000 was spent in a respectful manner, and that I am not spending the money with my lawyer in a respectful manner. This is so hard on me, and I know I have a good lawyer, this lawyer was recommended by 3 people who used this team. SNL has put me in a situation that is causing my heart to give up. This is so unfair. I know deep down that I should not give up on my lawyer, but I don't want the kids to think that I am out to screw SNL, I want things to be fair, but SNL is not disclosing assets, he just wants the divorce and that is it. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

At some point, you have to take a stand. . . and I and do you want your son/kids to grow up like H and treat their spouses like this? show them that good people don't take this type of disrespect. . . .

You know, my X tries this in very subtle ways, and she can try all she wants. . . I don't bad mouth her, I look like the bad guy, yet, and Iam very tough on the kids. . . because someone has to counter against the dysfunction or else EVERYONE grows up with totally dysfunctional role models... . . someone has to be an adult. . .

You will gain more respect in the end, not necessarily now, by just standing pat, and urging your lawyer to get a restraining order, and to call the police when he goes off. . .

after awhile, he will get the message. . .

hang tough,
and too bad about the credit card! ohhh poor H

wiftty

More of the same stuff happened yesterday. WH stbx manipulating me with discovery stuff. I worked on my discovery for about 2 weeks. WH says he doesn't have to do everything. He did one page and that was it. He is supposedly seeing his lawyer today for more explaination of discovery. He expects my lawyer to send his lawyer copies of my discovery. My lawyer said, he needs his copy to compare notes and otherthings. My WH is a procrastinator, and I am seeing that his lawyer is of the same attitude. I don't want the kids to think that I am set out to get WH, I want is what is fair to me. But how can you be fair, when WH doesn't want to do the paperwork? He yelled, at me repeadedly yesterday, about did you put this piano book in the discovery, a piece of paper was on the floor, did you put this in discovery. His attitude was hey stupid, you didn't put everything down. I asked him to leave and he wouldn't. Also, I made bacon to crumble over a salad with rolls. WH just prances in and eats a cracker, and tries to get some bacon. I said you don't live here, I charge him $10 for dinner, and $5 for lunch. I figure he probably had lunch at the house, cause I was gone a little over an hour and he was there while I was gone. He said for the bacon, I will pay you $10 for dinner. He doesn't ask, which irritates me, he just started in on dinnner, and I would of let him pay for a dinner, but he has got to learn that he needs to ask, not eat before asking. So I asked him to leave and he was irritated. Reality is he does not live here, he is the one who wants the divorce, so live the single life and make your own dinner. I am making dinner for myself and the kids. If he was to accept an invitation from me for dinner, that would be fine, but he was not invited today. Earlier in the day, he was expressing his controlling behavior to me, and I have had enough. I am not a robot that he can push a button and I do this and that. He has got to learn that he has started the divorce, and he needs to know that he cannot come diving in here and find all the little fishes and take them with him. He has an octupus with 8 legs and will grasp things away from him. He wants the single life, live the single life.

The day caused me to have a migrane, I tried laying down on the couch, with a backache and migrane. He sits on the love seat, and starts in on the divorce, how I am spending money uselessly on the lawyers. I asked him to leave, please leave, and he said he will stay, and I can't make him leave. All the same controlling stuff. I finally got up and sat on a bench outside, I don't know why he doesn't give up. Just realize that he is not to control me, and just come in an do his business and leaaave. Why doesn't he see that my back was aching so much, and I just needed to rest and put my feet up for awhile. He doesn't realize the pain I suffer with my back, he dragged and pulled me around in April, and has stemmed into severe whiplash. I wish he would just leave me alone, and go live his single life, and be a decent human being that sees what damage he has caused me and the kids. Still says he is going to have a meeting with the kids and alienate me in front of the kids. This to me seems to be Childish, and I am seeing my lawyer Friday, to talk about this issue, and to talk about a restraining order. He is not letting me get over the feelings I have for him. He has no feelings towards me, so he feels nothing. But I do with every eye contact.