My stbxh and I signed a separation agreement over three weeks ago. His atty. prepared the petition but has not yet filed it. In my state, once the separation agreement is signed and the petition is filed, the FJ goes right to the judge for his signature and the marriage is over. It should only take about one week. My stbxh husband was gung ho to get all the papers prepared and signed and now he is dragging his feet filing the petition. I have access to the clerk's docket online so I know he has not filed anything. I thought I would be divorced by now.

I just found out my stbxh's girlfriend is expecting twins. I have known that she is pregnant for about 2 months. She hired an attorney to sue him, however she is still living with him.

I am very confused. I don't understand why he would be dragging his feet filing the divorce papers. Is he telling the OW that he can't marry her because he is still married to me? I can't believe he would still be living with her after she went to an atty. and threatened to sue him. He had kicked her out of his house in April; then a few weeks later she tells him she's pregnant and she moves back in.

I feel like I can't truly heal until the divorce is final. I hate this feeling of being in limbo. I had hoped we could reconcile at some point but this is too much. How do I get through this mess?

Hi Fingers,
It appears that you have somewhat of a confused mess going on.
What exactly is his "GF" bringing suit against him on?
If they are living together... what could she possibly gain from that?
Maybe your "H" is having second thoughts about being with this so-called "GF"... I know I would if I was being sued by her.
Maybe that is why he has not filed the papers yet... it appears that he is confused (imagine that).
I sense that you might want to reconcile with him if he decides he may want to come back to you. Is this why you are having a hard time bringing this to closure?
Don't you just hate when they start muddling things up with their craziness.
Hang in there... it's bound to get better.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

fingers1258,

It sounds like so many others on this board -fence sitting - afraid to let go and afraid to go forward.


I feel like I can't truly heal until the divorce is final. I hate this feeling of being in limbo.

You CAN heal no matter what HE does or doesn't do. Focus on yourself, be good to yourself and pray!

I had hoped we could reconcile at some point but this is too much. How do I get through this mess?

I too can relate to your feelings. Right now, I am getting through this one day at a time, by acknowleging the hurt and the pain, yet walking through it. Do you have a trusted friend(s) or relatives for support?

God Bless,

D.

I remember when my my WW seperated and I had to go live by myself, I remember this couple a few doors down from me had a odd circumstance. She was 20 years old but the father of her new baby was 39...The guy was still married and had been for 15 years and his wife would come over this girls house OW and harrass both of them.... The guy would be ready to go back home to his wife but then the OW would threaten him he'd better not leave her or his new born baby, it was amazing as I watched this guy caught in the middle I saw him in anguish....divided between the two....

I saw this guy get chewed by his wife to come home and rebuild his relationship and family, then I would see this OW yell at him he'd better not leave and be a man raise his baby.

Thanks for the responses. The OW was a client of my stbx. He is an attorney; she was a bankruptcy client and her house was in foreclosure. She is on permanent disability so she doesn't work and she has two daughters. She thinks she hooked a big fish and unfortunately he bit. We were having minor problems when she came on the picture but nothing that could not have been resolved.

After he kicked her out of his house, she turns up pregnant. I am sure she went to an attorney to make sure she gets a nice settlement should my stbx kicks her out again. She thinks she has found a gold mine. I've had friends tell me he doesn't love her at all. Now he is just doing the right thing.

Wallace, you are right. I have never had closure. My stbx left me and never spoke to me again; only through our attorneys. I honestly believe he is ashamed of what has happened. He refuses to speak to any of my family or mutual friends. He had a great reputation in our town but now people are starting to find out what is happening and they know it is unethical for an attorney to sleep with his client. He tried to keep this quiet for many months. We work in the same field and know all the same people and people are talking about what he has done.

I had hoped for reconciliation but there is no way now. He has two children from his first marriage and visitation and child support issues were a constant nightmare. I am just very tired and frustated right now. Even though I know it is over, it is hard emotionally. When we got married he said he didn't want kids because he loved me so much and didn't want to share me with anyone. So here I am now 43 years old with no kids because he didn't want to share me and now he's having twins with a woman he doesn't love. Does that make sense? I guess it's for the best I didn't have a child with him after seeing what he became.

I had a counselor tell me it usually takes two years from the day the FJ is signed to get completely over a divorce. That is a very long time. Thanks for letting me vent.

Hi again Fingers,
I can relate to your circumstance as far as not being able to bring closure to your "M".
It is by far a very cruel act that your "H" is perpetuating. If the "A" wasn't bad enough, he adds insult to injury by not communicating with you at all.
I have to agree with your statement as far as feeling guilt, shame, etc. It's what I call the "cowards" way out.
It by far does not help you in any way whatsoever... and it leaves you with little options but to either wait him out and see what his next move is going to be, or try to move on with your life as best you can.
IMHO, and I know this is Marriage Builders... but it would probably be in your best interest to move on without him and find someone who will truly give you the love and kindness you so deserve.
It's a living hell, make no mistake about it, and I send prayers your way and I hope it makes your day go better.
Stay Strong!
Wallace