All,

Had a pretty good time while I was in. The kids and I had a ball and I am also rapping up the property settlement. Everything went pretty good till I sat my children down and started talking to them about perverts and child molesters. Having dealt with it myself, I wanted to talk to them about things like that. Some how or another we got on the subject of me not being at their home and about their mother and things like that. My oldest girl let her feelings out first (She's a young lady, what do you expect!)LOL! And not long after that my son jointed in. (Makes him mad to cry!)
It was too much for me to handle. To see two of the most wonderful human beings in the world hurting! I broke down and cryed with them. I don't think I have ever hurt like that in my life! I just sit there and held them for what seemed forever. They kept telling me how much they hate for me not being there and how much they don't want their mother to see (MR. Derek) anymore. After I finally got them to sleep, I couldn't, I was sooooooo angry that I could have tore up a steel ball with a rubber mallet! Damn her!!!! Hurting me is one thing! Hurting my kids is a whole different ballgame.

I guess they never showed me how they really felt.(the kids)
I'm not going to tell you what I told them yet. I want to hear from the one's that have been through this or the one's that know what they would say.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I really don't know what I would have said, but I think it was good that you were able to cry with them. I think it is healthy for kids to see that the pain they feel is normal and they aren't weird.

I guess I hope I would say that I was sorry things had turned out the way they had, but that at this point their mom has the right to try to find happiness (don't shoot me, please)---you know, don't make them think she's the bad guy--even if she is--that just makes you look like a twerp. I would let them know that I was always there for them and that I loved them more than anything. I think they are looking for a reassurance of stability now (that's you)and a place to be able to sound off (that's you again).

Your anger is, of course, a normal part of the grieving process. I'm sorry that you're hurting.
{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

RN,
You just need to keep reassuring them that you will ALWAYS be there. If you start dating, make sure the kids come first. Really in anything you do, make sure THEY know, they come first.

Someone else suggested phone cards so they can reach you at anytime.

They are probably afraid they lose you too since they have lost their "family."

Hang in!

Bob

<sigh> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

It's hard. I know. My Amanda (4.5) just did a 3 day run a few weeks ago of wanting Daddy to move back home after he spent the night here once when he was sick.

First of all it's great that there is some really open communication going on. That is a huge bonus. If you didn't have that going on it would really make things so much harder on them.

So, it's not all bad, ok?

They saw that you are hurting, they saw you cry, so your son even got the bonus of learning that men do cry - even a roughneck - even his idol - even his ultra cool Dad breaks down and experiences moments of sorrow. In a way this reassures them that you will not leave. You will not dissapear and leave Mr. Derek (WTF is the MR thing?) to be the new "Dad". They know that you love them and miss them, and that you are hurting as much as they are. You guys are in the same place.

I can remember back when my parents first got divorced. Dad, Sis, and I would sit in the bare batchelor pad on Friday nights and just cry and cry. We were a pathetic bunch. And that is an understatement. But, we had each other. And, we were all in the same boat and we knew it. In a way it was kind of comforting.

I'm the one with the kids, so I can't tell you what I say to my kids because it's a different situation.

My Dad used to tell us over and over that he loved us more than anything in the world, that we could tell him anything, that we should tell him everything, that our feelings were valid, that he understood, that he hurt too, that he was so sorry that we had to go through this, and that hopefully with time it would get better.

He let us call him whenever we wanted. We still do, our poor Dad has answered the phone at 3am way too many times for an old guy.

The most important thing I ever learned from him was that you can't make someone love you.

I'm sure you handled it just fine. I bet it made you angry. Who wouldn't be angry after all you've been through? Our kids are like our hearts walking around outside of our bodies.

E

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mr. Derek (WTF is the MR thing?) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Liz, my daughter also is instructed to refer to all adults as 'mr' or 'miss'...she would call you 'mrs. [censored] (ha-ha--just being funny)' or 'miss elizabeth'. I think rn teaches his kids the same...maybe I'm wrong. I just don't think children should address adults as equals.

JMTCW...okay, I really only have one penny in my pocket right now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It hurts big time when you know your kids hurt & then it hurts even worse when they tell you.

Crying together is good. My OS (18) want let me cry anymore. He doesn't understand that I don't cry anymore because I am unhappy but because I think it all was such a waste.

I am just realizing how much my YS hates all this. I thought he was telling me he didn't like OW because he thought that is what I wanted to hear, even though I have told him it is all right to like her. But I think he really hates her

Good LUck.

Well folks I don't think I did so badly. I said a little bit of what each one of you commented on.

I just can't stand that my little ones hearts are broke! Before my dad would tear my butt up (Yes we have all heard this one before) "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you" crap. Well I thought it was crap until this. There is no amount of physical abuse that could hurt me deeper than this did!

As far as the Mr. thing, yes, my children are going to address their seniors with respect. I might live in the new age but I am rearing my children "Old School".

Anyway, thanks for all of your support....

RN