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#731712 07/20/02 07:30 PM
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Mitzi Offline OP
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Hi everyone,

Today I was in Walmart, and when I wrote out my check, I noticed when writing the date, that tomorrow would have been my 13th anniversary. So much has happened in the past 2 1/2 years since my ex left. I've grown so much and become such a better person. I found that I am capable of living on my own (didn't like it, but I survived), and I also found out who I really am. I went from being someone's daughter to a wife and mother. I'm still a mother and now I'm someone else's wife but I'm also more than that. I found that I can get a job that I really like and excell at it. I can be the breadwinner in the family if I need to be and juggle work, kids and the house. It hasn't been easy but it's been the best experience of my life.

Does life after divorce get easier? YES, it does. It takes a lot of time and a lot of hard work but it can be done. And it also can be very rewarding. And there is also the possibility of finding love again. My husband of 4 1/2 months is the most amazing man. He went from being a single father of 2 sons to having a new wife, home and 3 step-sons. I honestly didn't think it would be possible to love a man this much.

So, to all of you who are new here and even to the ones who have been here and are still struggling, keep your heads held high and have a little faith. Things will get better!

Love to all,
Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

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NSR Offline
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Mitzi,

You are so right...
...there is life after divorce...
...and it can be better than ever.

You have been humbled...
...only to be raised up.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR

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The first year or so after my x left was such an incredibly horrible time...

But, I survived!

And I am so much more than I was before. Hence, my MB name.........Cinderella. Chosen for a reason.

Ah, you can't appreciate the view from the mountain unless you've been in the shadows in the valley.

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Hey Mitzi, Jim and Jane-Elise,

I'll second that!!! Yes, there is life after D. I was fortunate enough to find someone right here on the boards that believes in Dr. H's methods. I *was* a sad sack that was devastated after finding out about the A. I never would have thought I could love again or recover from the trauma, but, guess what? I did. She [XW] told me to move on and I did.

I went past the third anniversary of D Day and it never crossed my mind until about a week later. Funny thing is that the X still tries to call me to this day. I don't get it. Seems she still needs a safety net and I'm not there anymore. Sucks to be her.

I couldn't be happier. We picked the kids [G's] up at the airport today and they absolutely loved what we did to their rooms. Lots of hugs, kisses and I missed you. Seems I'm doing something right this time around.

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It is a month shy of a year from d-day #4 for me. I have been thru hell and back like the rest of you have in the last three years with several failed attempts to reconcile. I have been divorced for a little over two months now and feeling stronger day by day. My love and longing for my X is growing weaker by the day and the pain that was once so strong has lost its intensity. She has shown interest in us trying again but I have grown tired and weary of the head games and the pain that goes along with it. I was strong enough to say no! I won't be someone's whipping boy again!
I have definitely made a better person out of myself. I have made several lifelong changes that I am proud that I have accomplished. I still have more work to do though.
All of these changes show, people that know me can tell that I have made a slow, steady transformation into the man and father that I need to be. As far as a good husband, well that remains to be seen, it will be a while before I venture there again anyway, but I know that I will be a better husband than I was before.

<small>[ July 21, 2002, 06:20 AM: Message edited by: Roughneck ]</small>

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Life does NOT necessarily get better. I have not been through Hell and back because I am still there, over three years after he left. He is living in relative luxury and the kids and I are living in poverty.

Their father just got a job, after more than 2 years of unemployment - but the job pays about a third of what he used to earn. The meager child support he is paying will stay about the same.

I am half way through my master's degree. When I finish, my income will probably go up by about $12,000. Sounds great, right? Unfortunately, that will put us just barely over twice the federal poverty level, and I won't qualify for Medicaid, fuel assistance etc. In addition, since in this state the more I earn the less child support he has to pay, after taxes I just figured out that I will take home $235 a year LESS than I do now.

My landlord unexpectedly decided to move back, so we have to find a new place to live - disrupting the kids's lives again, and quite likely forcing them to change schools for the third time in as many years. That is if we can find anywhere to live. Although I have qualified for a mortgage program that doesn't use income ratios because my credit is excellent, I can not find anything to buy or rent that I can possibly afford. If I am lucky, I will be able to find something with a payment of $2100 a month, $600 more than I am paying now! Even though the stock market is crashing around us, house prices are going through the roof and so are rents. Low income housing has waiting lists of over a year, in cases where the waiting lists are open at all, and there is almost nothing available that will allow a family of our size.

And it wouldn't do any good to try to move out of state - judges rarely allow it, especially when employment is obviously available here.

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Wow!

That is so amazing Mitzi. I didn't realize until after it had already passed, that my 17th anniversary would have been last month.

I have to admit that the first year was pretty rough, but things seem to have gotten better in the last year.

I've found that I have more money at the end of the month, even though my gross family income went down by over 1/3. Wonder where all the money was going....

I've also found that I can run a household, hold down a job, travel and raise a son on my own.

I think the key is that life only gets easier after you let go and move on. For me, accepting what happened and moving on with my life was the beginning of my real healing. I know I still have a ways to go, but if I had to do it all over again, I would have skipped plan A altogether and gone to plan B (as in "Beat it B****") <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Anyhow, I'm glad you are doing well Mitzi. Seems like forever since I've been on the board & chatted with any of the "old timers" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Take care....

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{{{Mitzi}}}

Thinking the good thoughts! Glad you posted, it does make us all realize how long ago we began a struggle that really was what was best for us all. After reading your post, I looked at the calendar and realized that it is 2 days from the 2 year anniversary of when STBX decided he didn't want to be married anymore.

Wow, what trenches I've been through in the past 2 years. I'm still standing and just waiting for this civil divorce to be done so that the criminal child abuse case against stbx can begin. I think once he has to be held accountable for the abuse that the girls and I can finally let go, until then, we struggle to keep some focus on this never-ending scenario.

Lori <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> (currently so busy at with work that life is constantly getting in the way)

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Mitzi Offline OP
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Jim,

I was definately humbled!And after all of the struggles, it's so rewarding to look back and see what I've accomplished!

Cinderella,

I'm definately appreciating the view. (and wanting to thank my ex for leaving when I didn't have the courage to do so myself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

Tim,

I'm so happy for you, Gina and the kids!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Things just seem to be getting better all the time!

Roughneck,

Bettering ourselves and becoming someone that can work to maintain a good relationship is the most rewarding thing of all. Sometimes in all of us there are things about us that, if we stop and think about it, can be changed without completely changing who we are. I've learned so much from this site and the people here that I think this marriage will last a lifetime, as it should.

Nellie,

I honestly think that things will get better for you. I know how you must be struggling every day. Sometimes we just have to let things happen as they will. We may not like it, but we just can't change it.

Nick,

It has been a while since I last heard from you.The kids still talk about how much fun they had with your son! :)Letting go and moving on are the 2 hardest things to do, but once you're set on doing that, things go so much smoother!

Lori,

I decided a while ago that I wasn't going to focus on the negative anymore. It didn't do me any good and it wasn't healthy for me. The good thoughts are so much better. I have found that I feel better, physically, when I only focus on the positive.

Love to you all,
Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


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