Bf and I (of 5 years) finally "split up" in May.
After a year of threats, he finally dumped me and moved out. He then declared that we would be "dating." I didn't complain, I was still in shock. The dates went ok, I guess. He paid for a dinner, but then became resentful. He continued to think the world revolved around him, even as far as blaming me for being sick! "are you ready to cut the S*** and get well? You'd better". sigh.

We still have some ok times, he will see the kids on saturday's and we may all go out to the drive in for a movie on Friday nights. We have habitually split the costs of these. He doesn't pay any child support or anything else and I do everything here at the house, including working from here.

He isn't really "mean" anymore but he's not really someone I want to be dating either! I wouldn't want to always pay my own way (and his) on a date (call me old fashioned) and I don't want to be blamed for being sick, etc. He will call up during the week to see how the kids are doing, but it turns into an hour long discussion of him and his troubles - mostly how he spends all his time at the gym, his new fad diet (this week saurkraut and tabasco sauce juiced - yuck!) and how this or that muscle just isn't up to spec. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> He also mentions what's wrong with me physically a good deal.

I have tried to put my life back together as best i can - he took me off the car insurance, and I fixed that, i'm coping with doing everything myself and trying to get out in the community a little more.

I put the kids in a new karate school, and, consequently, made freinds with one of the instructors. He had known my ex from a few years ago. Last week I got the flu and was almost in tears one time when the instructor called to ask where the boys were (i never miss a class and am almost always there early, a habit of mine) My son told him i was sick. He actually came over that night and helped me. It was so sweet. The dog had gotten into a skunk (gads) the house was a mess because I had had a fever of 103 for almost 3 days and could hardly do anything... the ex just told me to get my "a$$" in gear and get well because he owned stock in the company and i was losing him money. The instructor helped me with everything, including getting the customer orders out, brought me cough syrup, made me soup, watched the kids so i could go to the doctor etc. Needless to say I was grateful!

One thing led to another, and when he found out my son was having a birthday next week, called and asked if he would like a kitten. He brought him over yesterday, I made lunch and he even helped me fix the lawn mower. He has never been ungentlemanly, has expressed an interest in me, but says he will wait until I am ready.

He is also 8 years younger than me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> What does he see in this old lady???

Ex bf and I haven't had any SF for almost two years, and before that on a bi-annual basis at best. I don't know if I'm just grateful, interested in this new guy or what... but there is an undeniable chemistry there!

Back to the question. Ex calls up yesterday and says how much he loves our new arrangement. He says he doesn't ever want to have sex again, and that's just fine with him. He likes the "family" we have. He talks about opening up an "after care" karate school in my house and I would watch the kids after I get done with my business (over my dead body). But since he has a tendancy to change his mind about these things almost daily, i didn't want to hurt his feelings until he solidified his position on something i would not agree with. Last week he was saying that I would be buying stock in his company for 10k per share! Instead of blowing up, i let it blow over, and we didn't have a fight about it.

I like the fact that the ex spends time with the kids, and I wouldn't mind being his freind. But i want a relationship too! For heavens sake, i'm 36 and not ready to give up sex for good! After his telling me for so many years that I would never find another guy to be interested in me sexually, i find this new guy so strange! He could end up just being a good freind, and that would be nice too. I'm also not used to being treated as well as he has to me.

So, how do i tell the ex, as nicely as possible, that I appreciate the time he spends with us, but that I don't want to limit myself to a life without sex? if i said it that way, he would just make a joke that "he" would see to all my needs, which for him means ignoring the issue. If i'm too blunt with him, he will blow up and possibly get violent or do something stupid like kidnap the kids. I need to handle this as gently as possible, and i don't want to hurt him, but i don't want to live like this either. I feel that since he dumped me, i should have a right to explore other possibilities. He acts like we are in plan "B", i think, "this stinks".

Any suggestions?

Thanks.