hi, i have been on here some time ago. my x and i have divorced in may after a (1) year sep. she started dating a guy in july 01 and has been with him since and then got engaged in june 02 with plans to marry in nov. she tells me she misses home which was her place here for 12 years however she can't forget the affairs from 94 that she discovered. the marriage went down hill since that time with a sep. in 1994. subsequently i still care and we talk almost every day or every other and the old ends up coming up re: how she suffers daily with issues ?? states she don't think she can ever get rid of the stuff i gave her and she may never be happy in life.
yesterday she came into the home and sat down crying and said she misses her home that she helped build but she can't come home for she can't let the bad feelings go for me. i have written to her etc. etc.. however no change in her ever. she just tells me she is stuck with these feelings. need help with this. would staying away and implementing (b) possibly change this. i try to stay away and always seem to fail due to children needing to go back and forth with split custody ??? please help

For one it doesn't sound like she's really ready to get married again...and that this is a rebound
relationship..wanting to feel loveable again, wanting to feel desireable after being hurt so deeply..

It sounds as if she'd like to work on your marriage again but is scared to try, afraid it will happen again..

You have apparently changed over the year?? and she see's those changes..and it sounds as if she's looking to see if they are lasting changes..
or just something that is temporary..

So ask yourself...Do you still love this woman??

Could you take her back knowing she's been with someone else for the past year? if not, then maybe you can see how she can't get past your affair..

Have the two of you discussed maybe dating each other again??

have you considered going to counseling? even counseling with the harleys as a couple? have you considered going to one of their seminars or any marriage seminar? (yes you can go to those if your not married)

From what you've said, it sounds like she's wanting to trust you to protect her heart, but she's afraid to do that..so you can work on that
if you really want to..

Maybe in one of your conversations you could ask her if she'd like to go to counseling together...
would she like to go to a marriage seminar and maybe try and build the type of family you both deserved before...if it's something that you want maybe you can work past this..and have a better marriage than you did before...

Ask her, if she knew there was something that could be done to have a better marriage than you had before would she be willing to try it?? Then share with her the MB priniciples, let her know what you have learned..and how you now understand where things went wrong in your marriage and if she's willing to try...you can see about going to a seminar...

If you still love her, and it sounds like she still loves you, but is still hurting..maybe you two can make another go of it...