Hi everyone
I've been married for 11 years and we have 2 kids.
We've been separated for the past 4 months when she said she needed space to decide what to do and I moved out.
I had the feeling that we were about to get back when she suddenly stopped talking to me 3 weeks ago,and finally told me yesterday that she felt for another guy who is the man of ther dreams,and
she doesn't trust my love for her.I'm lost here,
I do love her a lot,I want her back but I simply don't know what to do,how to act in her pressence.
She said to give her till year end,to try to start a new life for myself,go out,date other women and then we'll talk.I'm confused .It was all so sudden that I'm lost.I did order a few books but it will take a week to get them and another one to read them.Anyideas on waht should I
do in the meantime are greatly appreciated.

Welcome to MB, Mike. Sorry that you're having to go through all of this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

There are plenty of people here who can give you much better advice than I can, but here goes:

There is a lot of good information here, and you need to read up on Plan A and Plan B. Separating was a mistake, and if she wanted "space," then it should have been her doing the moving.

You didn't give much info about this other guy, but how likely is it that he was part of the picture before you two separated? Based on what you've said (and knowing how these things work) it sounds really fishy.

And don't fall for that "he's the man of my dreams" crap, either. She's trapped in what is known around here as the "Fog." It's that wonderful feeling you get when someone new comes along that is everything your spouse is not. She's been blinded by this fog...this feeling of euphoria that comes when someone new and attractive gives you attention...and she'll be more than happy to trash your marriage and family for a few months of bliss.

Check out the posts on the "General Questions" section for more info about this fog that has blown into your wife's mind.

Also, DO NOT start seeing other women!

There are two reasons for this:

1. You are not exactly in the right emotional state to start looking for a new relationship. I'm sure you've heard that "rebound" relationships almost always fail...right? Well, you haven't even started to rebound from your marriage yet! Neither has your wife. That is why her new relationship will fail, and why you shouldn't even think about dating. Trust me...I started dating when I was separated, and it was a miserable failure...mostly because I hadn't let go of my wife yet.

2. She wants you to date other people so she can feel better about dumping you for another guy. Plain and simple. If you find someone else right away (whether it works out or not), she can absolve herself of the guilt she probably feels for wrecking the marriage. In other words, you'll be playing right into her hands.

Spend some time reading the articles on MB. Keep posting and reading on this and the GQ message boards.

And good luck!

Thanks.As you could see i am new her and picked the wrong forum.I'll move the question in the appropiate one.
Now I don't know anything about the other other guy.She just told me on a late night IM chat that
she fell for another guy.Reading around I guess we were on a somehow plan A half harted.I say
half hearted because I had to leave,I just couldn't say to her take the kids and move out.
It's possible it wast here all the time since she did spend a lot of time in the past year on Internet chat rooms ,going mad when I was trying to talk to her about anything.I know it does exist since there was a phone call a few days ago when I was visiting the kids,from a private number and she picked up the phone and stepped outside for about 10 minutes.
I'm not planing in seeing other women,I know it would be something foolish which will make just feel worse.
Thanks a lot