I know that my H and I are not divorced yet, and have only been separated one month, but it seems as though he has begun to move on already. Would it be too soon to start thinking about dating again? I don't know if he is dating yet, but he has been communicating almost daily by phone with another woman, he claims is just a platonic friend. I don't know what is right, I don't want to jump into a new relationship when this one isn't completely over yet, but I am lonely and would really like some male companionship and attention. My H was deployed to Korea for the last year and we separated upon his return to the states, so I have already been alone over 1 year. I know I still have to deal emotionally with the fact that my marriage is over and I will have to move on, but I almost feel that would be easier with someone to help me forget my feelings for my H. Am I playing with fire, or would it be okay to entertain the idea of someone else so soon?

If you want my honest opinion (my wife and I separated today, she moved out)...you should try to get yourself together before jumping into anything else. Perhaps counseling to find out why everything went to crap in the first place. Or else, you may be jumping out of the frying pan into the fire.

If you are married, in my opinion, it is way too soon to even ask the question.

Well, the general rule around here (as I understand it) is that you should wait at least a year after your divorce until you start dating again.

Having been through the process myself, I'd have to agree.

You certainly shouldn't start dating just because your WS is moving on. Are you thinking about dating just because you want to "keep up" with him, so to speak? If so, then you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

You also shouldn't start dating someone just because you feel lonely or in need of attention. You need to learn to be okay with yourself BY yourself. If you're thinking about dating to fill a void in your life, then you're doing it for the wrong reasons. You need to learn to fill that void yourself.

You also shouldn't start dating someone to help you get over your feelings for your H. Think about it this way: If you were an alcoholic, would it make sense to take up smoking pot as a substitute for alcohol? Of course not...that would be replacing one bad habit with another.

I would advise you to wait. Wait longer than you think you should wait. You'll be happier in the long run.

I can understand your feelings....after 12 years in an abusive, unaffectionate marriage, I was very eager to date and "prove" there are normal, kind loving men out there. Now that I've been away and seperated for two months, I see more than ever how UNready I am for a new relationship. I've actually met some of those "nice, normal" men......and I can see that I have so much baggage to deal with, it wouldn't be fair to them to date until I get myself healed. If you are lonely, do things with girlfriends! Take up a hobby, join a club, read some books you haven't had time for.....learn to be comfortable with yourself, and you'll find you make a better partner when the time does come to date again. Or maybe you're ex will realize he lost a prize in you.

From the school of Been There Done That (otherwise known as Hard Knocks) ... wait.

A year after the divorce may sound like a long time now, but you'll be stronger and wiser and less likely to get hurt or hurt someone else.

At least wait until the divorce is final.

Than you for all the great advice. You are all probably right about waiting. It is just hard right now to be alone. I have already been alone 1 year, because he was gone to Korea, and now we are separated, so it feels like I have been alone forever, but I know that I need to heal, and God will need time to work in my heart and heal my wounds. Maybe you are right that my STBX will realize what he had and change his mind about this Divorce. I will be patient and wait on the Lord, while I try to get my crap together.