Well, I was feeling better this morning,

As I wrote my last post my 10 year old came into my bedroom crying--this is the one that didn't want to go with exH yesterday.

She was looking for her soccer stuff--and then ran out of the room. I found her in the laundry room--she was crying. Evidently my son and her got in an argument in the car--my H flew off the handle and started cussing and swearing and then he hit both of them on the legs. Kaitie has a big red mark on her leg.

She said he was waiting for her out front--at that time, he started honking his horn continuously for her to come. Kaitie started crying harder. My 16 year old was going to the same soccer camp, so I told Kaitie she could ride with her. At that time my sixteen year old's friend came to the door. She was frightened by my exH. Anyway, they all left for the soccer game. My 16 year old called her father and said "don't you ever hit my little brother and sister again...and keep your W***away from us". Well that didn't go over well....they got out at the field...my exH raced over to her threw a big ice cooler at the car and yelled at her "If you ever talk to me again like that, I will break you in half"...He then grabbed Kaitie and Kyle--Kaitie was screaming and pulled her into the car....and he left with them. My 16 year old and her friend came home crying...both were really scared....I have spent the last half an hour talking to them and calming them down. My 16 year old is going to go back to camp....she is embarassed by what her father did to her in front of everybody. I told her that we can't be controlled by him anymore---I told her that he did that to me yesterday--to the point where I couldn't function. We have to be stronger than that. She seemed to understand....I told her to imagine the soccer ball as his head...and go out and play her hardest.

I don't know what to do about Kaitie and Kyle--my two younger ones. He is really a bad man....Kaitie must be devastated.

I am going to record all of this...and bring it to my lawyer. This has got to stop. He is destroying all of us. Pat

Pat,

I am so sorry that he is acting out in this way!!!

Don't wait til Monday, you need to call dept of social services or someone and have them see the mark on Kaitie's leg now!!! Have the kids re tell their story and have the friend and anyone else that was at the camp tell. You are right he needs to be stopped!!!

I've never had to deal with someone of this nature. I know that phones for social agencies are manned 24/7. Yes he will be in trouble for the phone calls that you make and will probably be mad too, but he cannot be allowed to behave towards his kids in this way!!

Get a friend with you when you make the calls so that you have some support!!!

I guess I can't tell you what to do and I worded this all wrong in that respect, you must do what is best for you and your children!!

You are in my thoughts and prayers!!! Keep posting, keep venting!!! E mail if you need!!
notiinsd2001@msn.com

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

MM,

I'm so sorry! That day just sounds like a nightmare. This will always be engrained in your children's life forever unfortunately.

I agree with DB, call Social Services and file a report now. Don't wait.

I think if anything a report will show him that he can't do this to this to the kids.

Take care and keep us informed.

ANNA

I am still trying to wade throught this mess. My daughter went back to the soccer camp. She has the car.

My two younger kids were pulled into my exH's car--don't know what he did with them. This is his week to have them....he doesn't answer his phone.....

I am going to get a neighbor to drive me over to the camp. This is typical of his explosive anger that we experienced over the years. Amazing that he can't control it for even a little while when he is around the kids. I really can't believe that he did it in front of everyone at the camp. At least we have witnesses. That is why I wanted to go to court with him.

I won't be able to show anyone the red mark on Kaitie's leg because he took them from the camp. I am documenting everything though. I am also going to have the kids write down or journal on what happened and what was said.

It is sad what he has done to the kids. But it is just a further example of his self-centeredness. I feel sorry for my kids and the legacy he has left them. He will turn it all around tho--and somehow this will be my fault. What a jerk.

I am kind of in a holding pattern right now, trying to figure out what to do. I wish I knew where Kaitie was and how she is doing. I will keep you updated. Pat

MM,

I would call the police, file a report and have them go check on the kids to make sure everything is okay.

ANNA

Thanks everyone,

Mandy got home from camp before I could get over there. She said that he brought the little kids back and he and his OW sat and watched the whole practice.

At the end of the practice, he made K and K get into his car. Kaitie was crying--she didn't want to go with him. My daughter and her friend went over to the car and told her "Don't worry Kaitie, you will be home soon"...His OW snickered at that. My H went over to my daughter's car and asked for the cooler back...he told her she was acting like a 2 year old. Anyway, I guess more words were said. When my daughter left, my H went to talk to the college coach--who is a friend of ours---guess he had to smooth things over.

I did call my lawyer. He told me to make sure I enforce what the courts approved--otherwise he can take me to court again for obstructing his visits with the kids. I told him what happened and asked when Kaitie can decide for herself when she visits him. He never really answered--but he did say that that most people in this situation eventually give up--and decide the visits aren't worth it.

This whole situation makes me mad. He had the little kids last weekend. He was supposed to bring them back on Sunday. Then he decides that he wants them for his second week this week. He emailed me that and I told him it was ok--but what did the kids think. When he found out all the activities they were in this week--he decided that Kaitie could stay here. Looking back on it now, I should have said, "Look, you asked for them this week--you have them. Take them for the whole week." Instead, Kaitie was kind of bopping in and out of here---and then she doesn't want to go with them. That causes hard feelings on his part--and then this mess happened. The fact that he can't control his temper around the kids really worries me. You would think he would be on his best behavior around the kids--especially since he is trying to impress his OW. What an impression he made. I am sure they are blaming it all on me.....

I feel bad that I can't protect the kids better. That was my role during our marriage. He hurt Kaitie and Mandy today. You would think he would start getting a clue.

My lawyer said to document, document, document everything. I am going to get the kids to write down what happened. I will get their friends to do it too.

I have tried calling my exH...he won't answer the phone. I left a message asking when he was bringing them home. I guess I will just wait around here---another day wasted on this man.

I read so many posts about wanting the ex to spend more time with their kids.....I wish just the opposite--I wish he would drop off the face of the earth. They don't need this kind of emotional abuse. Take Care Pat

Sorry again that he is doing this to you, amazing how much control they still have once they supposely leave our lives!!! UGH!!

Hey I posted on your other thread earlier, how's the painting going or did you give up on that?

Am on my way out the door to go to the commissary to get something for the grill for supper!!! Either steaks or monster burgers!!!!

Keep writing everything down try and keep track of the times too, specially when he picks up and drops off, I would be doing this from now one!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

OMG, you need to call the police and get restraining orders. he needs supervised visits. he needs help. and then i know how hard it is to do it. it's like a catch 22. you can't get along no matter how nice you are. and then you can get angry either cuz you're wrong then too... it's totally frustrating. i know personally.

i feel so bad for you. i am so sorry that you are going through this. why do they act so stupid. the more wrong they are the more stupid they act...

i am sorry. you are in my prayers...

kim...

As horrible as your story is, remember this all of you are going through a bad period or time. Physical violence of any kind is not acceptable, but you need to get both stories. If you persue this with the police or try and go for a restraining order, you will be pulling your kids into something that they have no business being pulled into. As much as you may despise your spouse...he is your children's father and kids have a way of turning the tables on a dime. They don't look at the situation the same way you are...your kids sound like they are angry and are acting out...your ex sounds like he feels guilty and is acting out...Does he have a history of abuse? Did he resort to hitting the kids before all of this?

I'm not making excuses or trying to defend your ex, but from what you described it sounds like the situation was highly volatile.

God help the kids in all this. We are unhappy,so we feel justified when our kids talk dispresctful about the ex or their OP, but for all the wrong reasons. The children are victims of both parents inability to get along no matter whose fault it is...their lives are turned upside down, they are forced to move, change schools, be tossed back and forth between the parents, forced to take sides, forced to endure their parents dating and stupid behavior. No wonder the kids are angry.

MIM,

There was a similar thread a few months back about a similar situation. One of the posts was about family services - YOU NEED TO READ THIS ONE.
I don't remember if it was in DV section or GQII.
If you can't find it let me know as I have it saved on my computer at home. (Won't be
home till middle of next week)

I will keep you and your kids in my prayers. That must be a really tough postition to be in - but remember God can watch over them while your not there.

God Bless,

D.

He's really showing off his butt in public, isn't he??? I agree with you that this out of control behavior is not a great example for the kids and scaring their friends too? Sounds like he's the one acting like a 2-year old. So let the judge decide. I'll be praying for the kids' and your endurance in the meantime...

Thank you everyone for your posts...the computer went down and then mine was also acting up.

Dawn, I am starting to write everything down again...thought I was through with that...but guess not. Emotional abuse has always been big with him...and this anger is emotional abuse and control.

Dear idostylin,

I had a restraining order on him...but when we didn't go to trial--because my lawyer thought it better to not go to court--the judge threw the allegations out...purged it from the record--because no proof was given in court. So, there is no restraining order now. He has always had a problem controling his temper and that combined with his huge ego is a dangerous combination. He also has abuse problems--with tobacco, alcohol and women...seems he is trying to fill this empty hole he has. He doesn't care who's feelings he hurts if he has been crossed. Pretty immature for an almost 49 yr old. Hard to believe he was a suave, talented, hard-working B2 pilot.

Happy Mac,

You hit that one right on the nail. He has thrown this family for a loop. It gets worse tho when he brings his bimbo around the kids expecting them to accept her with open arms. They have been put right in the middle of this for over a year and ahalf now. He told Kaitie the other day that if she wouldn't talk to her on the phone, he would spank her. Just a threat--but what a way to get her to accept her. NOT....My oldest two have had so many emotional episodes with him....at this point they have lost their love for him. And he doesn't understand why....I don't know if he will ever get a clue as to why they don't want to be with him.

Dear WGTT,

I didn't see that post. I would love to read it if you can find it. Do I just search under the topic? Will talk to you when you get back. Thanks Pat

Dear BTDT,

He did blow it in front of everyone on Saturday.

It is funny because he is a very good looking man and he looks like this calm, suave, altogether B2 pilot.

People never saw this side of him....I think the people on base that worked with him at the squadron probably saw more of it--but outside of that--we just endured him at home. They were shocked when they heard about what has been going on....he was usually able to maintain in public.

Well, they saw the real him the night of graduation and on Saturday. I don't know how he will try to blame his immature behavior on me this time---so who is he going to blame.

My guess, it will be my 16 year old...and me for encouraging them to be disrespectful to him--what a crock. He has been the KING of disrespect for so long. Will he ever realize that he has huge problems that needs to be addressed? Probably not...the sad thing is...his OW feels like she is doing him a favor by supporting and rationalizing his behavior. How sad is that---I fell into the same trap 25 years ago. Thank you for your comments...it was a rough week and even a worse weekend. I feel great this week tho--they are gone for at least the next 3-4 weeks. Life can return to semi-normal around here. Thanks again Pat