I am not really new to this divorce thing, it was final last December and I had moved out the previous March to give my ex some time and space. I still have not recovered from everything that has happened and that seems to continue to happen. We have three kids together and it has been hard on them also, they are ages 2, 4, and 6. They still ask if we are going to get back together.
My ex has moved on with the same man that she was getting involved with while we were married. She is now wearing a ring that she calls a friendship ring, since it was an engagement ring from his old girlfriend. It seems hard for her to admit that she loves him and that they are serious. Just last week I said that this whole divorce, child support, relationship, and everything was a bunch of crap and that I didn't think that we should have been divorced in the first place, I just wanted to get her to quite going to the bar all the time. She told me that she wishes that we were not divorced sometimes.
Since the seperation I have worked full time to try to pay child support, except for a few months when I tried to go to school full time and worked part time. During the summer months I have the kids more often then she does because she and her man go on weekend get aways and bike runs all the time. I love the kids and wish that I could have custody of them. I take good care of them and it would benifit all of us it they had more of a schedule. I get upset that I have to pay child support to my ex and that she just runs all over with this other guy and I have the kids most ofthe time. I have talked to my attorney and she said that there is nothing that I can do for 2 years unless she has abuse the kids or taken off for 6 mo at a time.
This is all messed up because it rolls around in my head all the time and besides I worked all night and am trying to post this before getting back to bed. I just feel like I have nothing to go on anymore. My ex talks at times like she would like to get back together and then the next thing you know she is off on another bike run or party with this other guy. I feel crazy, and that is the way it felt when we were married also and she would get into troublesome situations.
I guess I need to learn what to do and where to start, I am lost and seem to get nowhere on my own.

Bitter,

That sucks.. I know how you feel. Nothing worse that an unfaithful wife or spouse to throw the proverbial monkey wrench in life.

First thing, realize that she is a liar. Can't even face you with the truth, so try not to waste a breath or good thought on her. Did I mention she is a liar?? Good...

Get into a group of new friends and try not to discuss the ex-wife at all. THe less you talk and think about it the better your psyche will be. This is probably the exact opposite of what feel-good touchy people think, but screw-em. That brings up something else...

You need a rebound. I politely refer to them as Trusty-Dusties or Slampieces. A couple of bimbos is what Dr. GotSmart recommends. Take two and call me in the morning.

Have Fun,
GotSmart

You chose your name appropriately, bitterorbetter, because that's exactly the choice you've got to make.

It appears to me that you may have looked at divorce as a way for your wife to get a dose of reality. You realized that in your marriage you were enabling her irresponsible behavior, and so you attempted to break the cycle.

Instead, what happened is that the courts picked up where you left off. Now the courts are enabling her irresponsible behavior - at your expense - and the only thing that's changed is that you no longer have any say in the matter.

It's not just, it's not fair, it's not helpful, and it's not right.

But dwelling on that reality isn't going to do you any good. You will only grow more bitter.

You could take gotSmart's advice and try to suppress your feelings, probably destroying your self-respect in the process.

Or you could focus on what you do have instead of comparing it with what your ex-wife has. The more your wife runs off to play, the more time you have with your kids. Not a bad deal, when you think of it. And being the responsible parent will earn your kids' respect in the end - not to mention your own self-respect, which is arguably the most fundamental component of true happiness.

If you think about it, I'm sure you can find plenty of opportunities to better yourself in your current situation. What difference does it really make what your ex-wife is doing? Some folks are starving in Africa. Others are living large in New York penthouses and Hollywood mansions. Life isn't fair, no matter how much we might feel that it ought to be. We can only live our own lives.

As for what to do about your relationship with your ex-wife, first recognize that she must make her own decisions. Nothing you do can make her choose wisely, and you cannot rescue her from herself. Let go of the responsibility, because it was never really yours in the first place. You are responsible only for what you do, not for how she responds. If you haven't read the materials on this website, I urge you to do so - especially the stuff on "Plan A" and "Plan B". (Hopefully one of the unofficial greeters will come around with the links.)