Hi,

I have been so busy over the last few months, no time to post. But I need some input on a prickly matter:

I am heading to court in a month or so as my ex refuses to pay me the percentage of his annual bonus that the divorce decree stipulates that he pay as part of his child support.

So I filed contempt charges and he couner-sued me for increased summer visitation and for me to pay an increased amount of his visitation expenses (we live 900 miles apart; I moved post-divorce out of financial necessity as well as for family support. He filed for divorce, I desperately tried to hang onto marriage. I moved when I realized divorce and the end of my days as a stay at home mom were at an end.)

Lately he has been deducting frivolous items from his child support check (bike helmets he bought for the kids, eg.)

He is getting progressively nasty, he cannot converse with me without getting nasty and making personal attacks on me.

Anyone been through this and what was the outcome?

Has anyone had an virulently ugly ex-spouse and then things improved?

Help, this really stinks! No matter how cordial I try to be he gets nasty and personal.

I’ve been through a similar situation.

My X even deducted the 32 cents postage for mailing the child support check monthly. Each month I received an itemized listing of every penny he spent on our son. He deducted it all from child support. Each month I’d send him a letter reminding him that the child support calculations ensured that both of us had adequate money to pay for our son’s needs at our own homes. So by court order he is supposed to give me the entire amount and does not have the right to withhold funds. It constitutes underpayment of child support.

In addition, he was so nasty that I got to the point that I would not talk to him. I wrote him a letter saying that because of his continual meanness, harassment, etc. I would no longer speak to him. All communications had to be by email or letter. So he started sending me nasty letters and emails.

This went on for about 3 years. My attorney advised me to keep a copy of all the checks, envelopes and letters he sent.

Then he decided to sue for custody, reduction in child support, etc. My counter was that this was based solely on control and wanting to not pay child support. I went to court with the pile of letters and underpayments on child support.

In the end the judge upheld my primary custody and informed my H that he owed me all of the underpayments.

Your H is basically guilty of underpaying child support. This is not going to look good for him in court. Let’s see, he under pays you then goes to court and says, “judge I want more time with the kids I refuse to support according to court order. Basically I don’t think that my children deserve their fair share of the family assets. In addition I want my ex-wi to help pay for my summer visits.” Don’t think any judge will fall for this. It is a usual ploy for the child-support-paying ex to start threatening when the child-support-receiving ex expects them to live by the court order.

The way child support is usually calculated takes into consideration that each parent needs to have money to support the child while they with them. It also takes into consideration that the primary-physical-custody spouse has expenses related to the children even when they are visiting the other parent.

For example: the court says it will cost $1000 a month to raise a child at the level of the parents’ joint income. Spouse 1 has the child 70% of the time. Spouse 2 has the other 30%. Then spouse 1 gets to have $700 a month and spouse 2 keeps $300 a month. The amount of child support paid is what is need to make sure that each parent has what they need… don’t know if that made sense to anyone but me.

I’m sure you ex is not happy about your moving with the children. You had to do what you could to get on your feet. That is simply life. A fact that most WS do not realize when they start their entire mess. In most states the courts will require that both parents split air fare costs 50/50 in a case like this. But any other expense he has are his alone.

I played hard ball with my ex. But I was also very fair in that I did not ask for anything more then the law allowed. I then put all of the cards on the table for the judge to see. I just let my ex be himself. It was not long before he was showing his anger and ugliness in court too.

Remember that child support belongs to your children, not to you. This is your fighting for their right to maintain a life style as close to the one they had before your H decided that he did not want his family after all. So fight, be fair, but fight.

Where are you that they can deduct things from child support? My XH pays $75/wk for two regardless of what he buys them ... everything he and his family buy them stay at his (parent's) house. His support comes right out of his paycheck.

Your thread title caught my attention. My XH is nasty, his mother is nasty, and my story is easy to find ... just search my member number and you'll see the progression of events.

Unfortunately, 19 months after separation and 10 months after the divorce was final, my XH is still just as nasty. Was yours a control freak before you split?

Thanks for the input...I know that I am not alone but was wondering if anyone had had the court experience.

I don't think that the mediator or the judge will go for his issues...even though my ex earns 2 x what I earn, I live in an area with a very high cost of living and he lives in a state with a low cost of living. Hence, I foot more than my fair share of the bills.

Right now my ex pays his own travel expenses, that's what we agreed to in our divorce decree. It was his decision to divorce and he makes alot more than me so if the judge wants me to pay for half of his travelling it will only hurt the kids financially...we are just getting by as it is.

I don't think that my ex will get what he wants, I am sure he will get ugly in court but I have been through it before so I know what to expect. Just don't know how the courts will decide.

Has anyone ever had a really bad relationship with their ex only to find that it got better with time?

Mine is dating actively from what my kids tell me (they have spent the summer with him) so I would think that he would be moving on...what the heck does he have to be so angry with? He got what he wanted and has no day to day responsibilities ? Oh, silly me, he must just really be mad about the money...I guess that's the only regret he has, that he is missing his money so much!

Oh well, have a good wknd all

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jtois:
<strong>Hi,

I have been so busy over the last few months, no time to post. But I need some input on a prickly matter:

I am heading to court in a month or so as my ex refuses to pay me the percentage of his annual bonus that the divorce decree stipulates that he pay as part of his child support.

Lately he has been deducting frivolous items from his child support check (bike helmets he bought for the kids, eg.)

Anyone been through this and what was the outcome?

Help, this really stinks! No matter how cordial I try to be he gets nasty and personal.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't know what state you're from, but as the Obligor Parent - Me - I am NOT ALLOWED to 'deduct' anything from Child Support. Anything like bike helmets, etc is a GIFT and is NOT to be deducted - period. Additionally, if I was you I would file for Child Support Enforcement Division Services (through the State you live in) and that way, your ex does not send you a check - he sends it directly to CSED - they will then send you a check - additionally, they will charge something like $20 or $30 each month TO YOUR HUSBAND and if he balks or doesn't pay on time - they will just place a lien on his property and/or put him in jail. CSED is nobody to fool around with. You can request CSED Services at any time. I divorced in Alaska, and it is MANDATORY up there, no maybes about it. Look into it - and no, you don't need a lawyer to apply for CSED services. Their regulations are mandated by FEDERAL LAW - I don't think your husband will want to go up against CSED!! Try them - they DO work!
Good luck and God bless.
Harold

He is not allowed to deduct anything, stamps, nothing. I would go to the court, judge, or whomever and resolve this immediately. Also, in our situation, my stbx is going to have to send all his checks to the court, and they will send me a check. I didn't know that you could possibly change this. But it is a good idea, for these stbx's that won't cooperate. That way you get your summoned amount, no ?'s asked.

Does anyone know? I wonder is there a charge for this? Does a percentage get taken out for doing this? New at this, still have many ?'s about child support, alimony, etc. We are going to court this week, for various issues. STBX is not cooperative, and money has been an issue for me. We have 1 child underage, and he is giving me only that child support to feed myself, and 2 older children in this home, plus 4 dogs, 2 cats, 1 bird. I am not making it on this amount, can't work because of injury he caused to my back, plus I have a R arm that was injured on the job, and had 3 surgeries on this arm. So haven't worked since 1990.

Jtois,
I pay child support and I don't cause trouble.I pay it and move on to the next pay. I have it automatically deducted from my pay so I really don't miss it.
As for my GF,now there's mind game going on there. He has paid nothing to her and she can't even afford the boy's medication if it wasn't for me. But it won't belong before the judge gets wind of this and ends these games he likes to play with her.

231

I can only speak for Texas because that's where I live. My understanding is that child support is calculated on a federally mandated percentage...the NCP must pay at least x% of their income after taxes...AND they may not deduct or change that amount. I also was under the impression that all CS is wage deducted for the last several years. Anything the NCP pays for besides that CS is a 'gift' as was said above and is so nice of them to be so generous. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

They are in contempt if they don't pay and can be jailed if they do not make restitution per the terms of the CS.

Cry2much,
There IS a charge for these services and my xh has to pay the court system an amount each year in addition to the child support for these services. I suggest you either contact your attorney or state Attorney General...they should be able to answer all your questions.

It sounds like it really varies from state to state. Here in Ohio, the CPS takes the payment out of X's check. They have a slight charge, about $5 and check and that is deducted from the check I receive.

My x "informed" me Thurs that she shouldn't have to pay child support because we have joint custody. She said she is going to take me to court to get it stopped. Apparently she has been talking to her "jailhouse" lawyers again. I told her go ahead and make a fool out of herself.

My g/f too has problem with getting any CS payments. He was taken to court back in June for non-payment. He quit taking a paycheck from his business caliming poor business.

The court decided to stay out of jail, he could pay $200 of the $600/month and pay the rest later. She has since got one $200 check.

SHe knows if he gets thrown in jail, he and his family will blame her.

Thanks I will contact my lawyer about this, and other issues. The ex-spouse can be really nasty, especially the one that is the wayward spouse. I am so ready to get this divorce over with, I am so tired of being called a F*c*ing B*t*ch - once again tonight, and said go [censored] myself. This is getting so ridiculous, one of the reasons, I don't want him around anymore. He can't speak in a civilized manner, and conduct himself in a civilized manner. He always, puts pressure on me about not having lawyers, just going through mediation, etc. He doesn't understand that having an affair, spending useless money on the OW, lieing to the kids, etc. has really injured this family emotionally and financially. He still goes out and gets things for himself, but we are not able to. Makes sense to the wayward spouse, but doesn't make sense to me or the kids.

Thanks everyone for the input.

I live in Massachusetts but divorced under the laws of Indiana.

My situation is complicated because my ex is an attorney...YEAH!!!

What's more, he is supposed to pay me by wire transfer but because he got angry with me last year for consulting an attorney about past due child support and child care issues, he began to mail me checks. Fun fun fun and you can imagine how he likes to send them at the last minute...

We can no longer have civil conversations about the kids and their education and welfare because of his attitude. I am wondering now whethr joint legal custody makes any sense since he is so far away and uncooperative.

I don't want to withhold visitation but don't see the purpose in subjecting myself to his abuse.

Oh, by the way, when I sued him for contempt, he put a stop payment on our son's pre-school tuition check...! How immature of him and how sad for our son...

Thanks everyone for the input.

I live in Massachusetts but divorced under the laws of Indiana.

My situation is complicated because my ex is an attorney...YEAH!!!

What's more, he is supposed to pay me by wire transfer but because he got angry with me last year for consulting an attorney about past due child support and child care issues, he began to mail me checks. Fun fun fun and you can imagine how he likes to send them at the last minute...

We can no longer have civil conversations about the kids and their education and welfare because of his attitude. I am wondering now whethr joint legal custody makes any sense since he is so far away and uncooperative.

I don't want to withhold visitation but don't see the purpose in subjecting myself to his abuse.

Oh, by the way, when I sued him for contempt, he put a stop payment on our son's pre-school tuition check...! How immature of him and how sad for our son...