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Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 3 |
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years...and I think we are close to not being together anymore. And I have asked how he feels...he told me he wants to be in a relationship with me but at the same time, he wants to have the opportunity to date other women (he had a really bad divorce about 3 years ago and really never dated like he wanted) So now, after all this time, I have been there for him, helped him heal, and help build his self-esteem. I feel sick, out of my head, confused about the current stage of my relationship. Should I leave him or stay...right now I am not sure if I am doing the right thing by sticking around.
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,416
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Member
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,416 |
I'll through my 2 cents in on this one. Healing and building self-esteem is something that should be done before we start any new relationship. If you had to assist him with these things then maybe you were filling and empty void, kinda like a rebound relationship.
So where do you go from here, I say that unless you want to end up on these boards as a divorcee down the road, then you let him go. His desire to date others may not go away and lead to affairs during a marriage.
How does the saying go "If you love something, then let it go" or "There are plenty of fish in the sea".
I guess from the brief history, I see you heading for more issues down the road and I would recommend finding someone who is mentally healthy at the beginning of a relationship...
Best of luck.
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Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 3 |
Thank you...you are telling me something I guess I already knew- just needed a complete stranger to tell me(how funny) Thanks again - It's hard to leave someone you love to the end of this earth, but I will do what I have to.
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,649
Member
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Member
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,649 |
I have to agree with what Bill said...perhaps you should 'cool it' for a while. Let him date and you also date other people. I tend to agree that you were perhaps the 'rebound' and wonderfully helped him gain the skills and confidence he needs to move on.
Give him his space and take your own as well. You really do have to set someone free before you know if they're yours. You can't force them to love you or want to be with you. Renew friendships with your 'girls'--go out with friends, do the things that you think are fun...basically take this time for you and just see where it leads.
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Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 3 |
Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom! I left him this morning without having that feeling of guilt that I thought I would. Even though I now have this big question mark on my forehead about my future, I know I am much better off than being with someone who really wanted to be with other people. I still love him and yes it hurts now, but I will be OK. Being in love with someone other than yourself is hard work. Moving on...
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