I have a question, if your X, STBX or WS is living with the OP, if/when you call their place of abode (I hate to call it home), do you acknowledge the OP if they answer the phone?

In the 14 mths that the STBX has been living with the OW, I have rarely called there. Less than once a mth if that often. If she answers I ask to speak to STBX or one of the boys, if that is the reason I am calling.

Once STBX was not there & she asked who was calling (like she doesn't know my vocie from all her hangs up over the yrs) & I couldn't resist saysing his wife. Now I knew I made her mad, why else would I say it but I did tell STBX I was sorry. he found it funny, I could hear the laughter in his voice when he called me to find out why I called.

Sat night my OS (18 in 13 days) comes home drunk. To say I was mad is an understatement. AT that time I wanted STBX to come RIGHT then, pack up OS & take him to live with him. I knew STBX was out of the country but I thought he was flying in Sunday sometime. I called STBX's abode. OW answer,

ME: when STBX is returning.

OW Sunday.

ME: IS he in the air now.

OW: yes

ME: have him call me as soon as he gets back.

OW: okay

Sunday I get an email from her telling me that from now on when I call her home, would I not be so rude & disrespectful to her. She does not like it.

PLEASE!!!!!!!

NOw was I rude or not? Should I be nicer to the OW.

By the time STBX called I was over wanting OS to go live with his dad. But he was told if he gives me a hard time or anymore it could happen.

<putting on flame-proof bra>

Well, I do think it was perfectly okay to say 'his wife' because, after all, it's the truth, isn't it?

As for the other, I would just ignore her. I would be as cordial to her as to any other stranger I spoke to-no more, no less. Does she really expect to be chummy while living with your h?

That is what I thought, why be mad because I told the truth, think the truth eats at her, she can't believe after 3+ yrs, that we still aren't divorced.

I don't know what she wants, I think she wants me to acknowledge her or something. I just don't use her name.

Sing,

Once upon a time, long long ago....

Seriously. At one time I was a BW. Looking back, the best thing I have ever done in my life is divorce his @ss. LOL! Back then I did not see it that way. When I threw him out, he went straight to OW apartment to live. In short, I had to deal with the same thing you are...talking to the OW. My blood would run cold when I had to do it. Still remember the feeling today and it has been ages!! My advice is to treat her in a cordial, professional type manner. Treat her as you would anyone else (that you do not know) answering a phone. Phone etiquette requires it. You'll be the bigger, better person for it. Say hello, this is such and such (being Mrs. *** is fine, you are). Not sure how she answers the phone. If she identifies herself when she answers, it is proper to then call her by name. I know at our house we all answer with "Jones residence, this is ***". I think you'll do better in the long run conducting yourself in this manner.

JMHO

I called once to speak to my H. I was very polite when the OW answered - I just identified myself by name, not as his wife, which I was at the time - and she hung up on me anyway.

I don't call him at her house, ever. Unless it involves a life-threatening emergency, I will never call her house again. When my kids are over there, they call me (except he doesn't always allow them to).

If he ever is inconvenienced because something comes up and I haven't been able to reach him by cell or email, tough.

Sing,

I'm putting on MY flame retardant now.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

The only suggestion I can make is that you should have identified yourself to her. I realize you were upset, angry, worried, etc. I DO understand.....

Also, I KNOW she "knows your voice." It just came across to me as rude, when you called and she answered and you immediately said, "When will he be there?"

Please, Sing, understand, I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I am there, too. I'm just saying DO NOT give her anything to b**ch about! Remember the old saying, "Kill them with kindness."? THAT's what you can do.

When WH was living w/ow, and I needed to call him for an emergency, I was very polite. HE didn't like me calling there, SHE definitely didn't like me calling there. Too dam* bad!!! I was civil, I WAS MORE THAN civil!! I WAS POLITE!!! Our convo went like this:

"Hello, this is Lupolady, may I speak to my H, please? Thank you."

She busted his butt over it, but TOO BAD!!! I made my point. IF I wanted to call my H, I COULD. You can too.....just take away her ammunition.

You know I really didn't think I was rude. My saying it's his wife was over 3 mths ago.

Sat night I just asked questions. I wasn't mean or anything. I just thought she was being funny complaining that I was rude.

This isn't the 1st time she has emailed me. She did so a couple of times 2 yrs ago. Once was to keep me from going to Singapore, didn't work. the 2nd was to tell me that just because I didn't like her calling my home constanly, untill STBX called heraback, was my problem and she call anytime she wanted. Stbx put a stop to that, untill she got our home phone number and by then it really didn't matter any more. It was just funny, when I answer she hang up, and finally she ask to speak to him & he never would take the call with me there.

The most ironic thing about her email was after complaining about how rude I am. She then inquries after the boys. She asks if the boys were all right (guess it took her all night to figure I only be calling after 11 if something was wrong) and how she cares for them. Funny she never asked when I was talking to her if the boys were okay or called back to see if everything was all right. As she copied STBX to her email, I assume she wanted to look good for him.

oh, well as I told STBX, I have her blocked from my email as she & I have nothing to discuss now or ever and I will not engage in an email war with her. I will not call there again when he is gone. I will wait till he gets back in commuincation with me. I always have his hotel numbers. The thing is he hasn't gotten over the fact he haas to hide when he returns from trips anymore. He could be back & I not know it.

At least I no longer have to worry about seeing her at OS ftball games, he has deceided not to play as his shoulder still hurts from his surger last yr.

sing,

You were not rude!! And if you want to be so be it. You owe this person nothing. How funny it is when they are trying to get the last word in though.

So far knock on wood I haven't had to deal with the drunkedness of my kids. I do believe that they have bothe engaged in alchol but not to that point and I thank God for that.

However I still have the 20 yoS that doesn't think things through very well, and screws up regularly. I did ship him off to dad's and when dad had the opportunity to bring OW to UT to live son was moved back with me. He knows why too.

As far as Op's we owe them nothing, if we chose to be kind then so be it. They don't know how to react either way usually.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />