I guess I am moving to this forum. After 1 1/2 years of WH being a cakeman I pushed the issue, major LB & he filed. At least I don't have to have conflicting emotions like last years anniversay.

I probably should have gone to plan b like so many of you suggested 3 to 4 months ago, but I didn't because I still had a lot of love left. Recently though I have started really looking outside of the box. WH is really selfish, I never really thought that he was until I started to look & see what his actions of the past years showed.(Even with the A, because I thought it could have been just as easily me as a WS). I was compiling a list of things for a meeting with a lawyer & really saw his selfishness.

I am in plan b now for 3 days & no contact period. I don't think he has even visited with his son for 3 weeks. I saw WH the evening that he filed & he was in turmoil. I quickly dropped off some of his stuff & realized he was looking for me to give him strength & support.

I really need to take care of myself and am trying to. Tuesday, I made plans to go tubing down a river with a friend & her daughters on our anniversary. I will probably enjoy the day better than last years anniversary. I hope the weather is nice. It was so ironic, WH had to tell every one last year that it was our 24th anniversary & yet WH was still in contact.

I should have just let it be in god's hands & continued being a "doormat" plan A. Then again I think god gave me some courage to take action by talking to the OW's pastor. I don't no why I called when I did, but the pastor felt he had to take action right away because OW was scheduled to lead the worship service the next Sunday.

I like the idea of plan b right now because it does keep me from thinking about OW or whomever WH decides he wants to flirt with, & stbx. WH & his mom has not even told other members of his family about him filing.

You had a good time this year with your anniversary. Enjoy the time with friends and family, I had to learn the hard way too. I became a major doormat, WH was selfish like yours, and I finally decided enough is enough. Glad you have total no contact, I wished that had been in my life too, no contact. I had to talk to him daily because of business we own. But now he has really abused the excuse of having to come over here for business matters.

An anniversary means nothing if the spouse is not there. This would of been our 25 anniversary, and to tell you the truth, I am planning on something for that time too. I don't want to be here, cause this would of been the 1/4 century anniversary. I am going to be with friends and enjoy myself.

Also, you need to grow stronger and more into yourself. I am an excellent CAREGIVER, I've been told through counseling with the Harleys, counselor I am seeing now, and past counselor. They all said I didn't think about myself enough. They all said, you have to think about yourself and therefore you can use the results of that to put forth to others.

Glad you had a great time on the river. We will all get through this, with love, God, family and friends.

Hi Vega
My H told me the evening of our daughter's wedding June 29 that he was moving out. I had known he was unhappy with his life but didn't expect to hear THAT! My 45th birthday was the next week. And our 26th anniversary is next month. Last year's anniverary was a month after he admitted to EA with someone he's in school with. So we were in couseling and "trying" (at least I was)to work things out and seeming to make progress.

It's interesting how different people handle these "celebration" days in different ways. I still think I will send an anniversary card to keep the "marriage-related" communication doors open. But I know the day will be difficult. It's good you already have a plan for something to do! I will follow your example and try to find something to do with friends to keep my mind off it.

Good luck to you!

YES, I did totally enjoyed my day yesterday. I didn't even get sunburnt. By having the kids along we didn't even mention WH & just felt blessed to have a friend for support & time to enjoy watching the "fun" of you kids doing something for the first time.

cry2 - It would be hard to work & recover after each contact with WH. My friend says it gets easier with time & she still lets it bother her for a while, but not as long as it used to, before no contact with WH it would take me about 2 hours to recover. You are right, the anniversary means nothing if spouse is not there showing care & concern. Last year's anniversary WH showed only care for himself.

avondale - We left at 6 a.m. & didn't get back until 10:30 p.m. & we didn't discuss stbx at all during the entire day. I didn't have any sad thoughts. I hope you can find something like that also. We did discuss things for about 2 hours until a little after midnight (no kids around), but it mainly dealt with how we responded to different events & just listened to each other. It was great.

I feel you have an unbelieveable amount of strength because you reached out & help me, and yet I feel you are also going through so much turmoil right now. What are you doing to keep working on you? When we first seperated in Feb. 02, I also sent WH cards just to keep communication open, plus it was an EN & WH did like them. WH has really never said to stop meeting his EN, so before him filing he was eating his cake happily.

My neighbors tell me that this is the best my yard has ever looked. I just have to keep busy.

I have to thank this forum for telling me to make plans for for my own enjoyment. Very, very good advice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> , and I not only listened, but took action.