How many of you get the fault for everything that your spouse says is wrong in the marriage. I am so tired of hearing this, so tired of being accused daily of my inadequacies, so tired of being blamed for the failure of this marriage. Why can't the wayward spouse, express remorse or guilt, SNL doesn't here. He says he is fine the way he is, and doesn't show anything towards the kids or me or his mother or family.

Wouldn't it be the picture, if we could put a mirror in front of their face as they are belitteling us and say who are you talking to? I would love for someone to open my WH eyes and to finally see him see the real picture. Why can't they take 50% responsibility for the failure. I pray for my stbx and hope one day he will be happy and find someone that he thinks will love him for him. HOpe he is content and hoping he moves 2000 miles away too.

I know what you mean, my H. blames me for contacting the OW's H. Like he didn't need to know. They were getting divorced anyway so he didn't need to know about the affair! Also for getting my adult children involved when he was the one who told my D. And she was spying on him before I even knew about the Affair-and was shocked about what she knew. Talk about rewriting history-even recent history. He made my older S. and D. feel like they were obligations and now that they were older he was done with everything. Oh, well, just a vent-sick of all the lies. Don't want to talk to him for a while, can't believe him at all.

Hi,

I think that the greater amount of guilt and shame they feel, the greater the propensity to project it upon you...

I know it is hard to believe this but it REALLY IS NOT about you or your shortcomings. It is about theirs. Trying to make sense out of them is like ttying to argue with a drunk or reason with an insane person, it doesn't do any good and you will only drive yourself crazy.

Peace to you all,

jtois - so they feel guilty inside, but are too into themselves to admit their faults? Where does the WS feel the need to speak foul language in front of the kids? Show ballistic actions? I know it is anger, control they are losing it all. But God is there, and why can't they ask God for help, and ask for help with anger?

Would be nice if the WS's could all be put on an Island by themselves, and lets see what happens. I would love for my WH to be put on an Island with someone, and see who survives. Would be really interesting!

I know I am not a bad person, but the stbx thinks I am dispicable, liar, untrustworthy, etc. Have stated it so many times.

I ask God for strength, and I know he is giving me strength daily. Just hard to believe the one I married, trusted, looked up to, can outcast me in an ugly way. This is the control, anger issue surfacing and WH-stbx is sure showing his true color now.

i am with you 100%. When I first went through this with my ex I was totally bewildered and truly struggled with rejection and hopelessness over my situation. I constantly felt as though I had to defend myself against his accusations and condemnations. I knew that what he said was untrue but his words were like bullets and deeply wounded me. So, on top of the rejection, I had to deal with horrible emotional and verbal abuse. Sounds like that is what you are coping with now, too.

I remember what someone said to me that went something like, whenever he is pointing a finger at you, 4 fingers are pointing back at him.

It is a form of scapegoating. He is projecting onto you his worst feelings and thoughts about himself.

If you haven't read Patricia Evans' books about verbal abuse, please go to the library and check them out. They are very helpful.

My prayers are with you; somehow you will find the strength to go on. It is almost 4 years ago since my marriage began to unravel, 2 years since the divorce was final. I am slowly beginning to feel at peace about what has happened and slowly regaining my self esteeem and self confidence. It comes in spurts...just when I have felt the most despair and was ready to call it quits, I began to see the light.

Keep your focus on you and do what it takes to protect yourself.

Peace,

jt