Ok basically divorce has been filed - he signed the papers - we have agreed to everything or so I thought - now he calls me up today and says I am entitled to claim one of the children on my tax return - Well ok - he has totally destroyed 15 years of marriage by having an affair, totally screwed with my head by all of the lies and deciet, (I still don't know the real truth), left his house which we just built two years ago - left his children 2 girls ages 12 and 9 - to live in an apartment to be able to go out for drinks after to work if he wants to, play sony playstation if he wants to and basically not have to answer to anyone.... So now he says to me - Is it wrong for me to think about myself for once??? If I wasn't sitting down I would have fell off the chair... I mean I have basically done everything for him - and yet he has put all of the blame on me and keeps doing that - like I should feel sorry for him - because he had/has a girlfriend or two not sure, refinanced the house with me with all of the bills now included in a mortgage that I am responsible to pay for - and he has a measly 600 rent payment - What am I missing here ??? I have tried to be friends because I love him and still really don't know why any of this is happening - I feel he has lost his mind??? But really how should I handle something like this - My lawyer said we will let the judge decide - which is fine by me - but my god has this man lost his mind??? Do I stop all contact with him except when it has to do with the kids...??? Right now he still comes over and hangs out I guess you could say and makes himself comfortable in my house - he says he feels like he basically gave me everything !!! And he is getting nothing ... What do I do???

I take it you are not interested in reconciliation.

I'd tell him to pack sand. He chose his new life now he has to live it. Him hanging around will give him a chance to play your heart strings. Get through the divorce as best you can and stick to your guns.

The grass is not greener on the other side of the street and he has already or will soon find that out.

If you would consider reconcilation then you need to think long and hard about getting divorced.

He is not insane. He is just like most WS's.

OK Across the Street - well we have somewhat of the same problem because mine lives next door - I am not sure if she was the the one and only or one of two - I actually wanted to reconcile - but he just wants out to hide out and pretend like he did nothing wrong while all of the time admitting that he screwed but shifting the blame - I hope to stick to guns - but it is so hard when you are with someone for so long and you don't even know who they are - Does the otherman still live across the street -??? My OW lives next door and it is hell - evertime I see her or she drives away - I freak... Thanks for your support...

Yes, the OM still lives across the street. It is his house and her place to stay. The OM has been gone for a week and will return tomorrow. Tonight I am having dinner with my XW as the last part of Plan A and tomorrow I plan on beginning Plan B.

I know exactly what you mean about seeing the OW. I hate to see my XW and OM going golfing and stuff like that. For my part I have put together a very active social life with friends and have had a lot of people over at my house. She has to deal with seeing me as well and the life she left.

Even now sometimes I just have to get away. Most likely your WH's OW has been meeting some of his EN's. Maybe it is time to find out if the OW can meet all of your WH's EN's.

Life isn't so simple with the day-to-day drag. Have you read up on Plan A/Plan B?

Across the Street - yes I have read all of that - my problem is that he denies that he is with her??? so it is still a question mark - I am getting ready to really do a Plan B with only communication about the children - I mean we are getting divorced - I need to move on - I deserve better than someone who doesn't want me Right??? But regardless of wether they are together now or not the point is what ever was going on was deceitful and not right... I do not know how you can live across the street - or you know what better yet how your wife could actually do that to you - I am telling these WS's are a strange breed of people - who ever invades their minds and takes over - it is scary - I wish you well with you dinner - let me know what happens.. It is just hard letting someone go that you have been with everyday of your life since you were 18 - I mean that is 19 yrs. And now sometimes he treats me like a stranger... Let me know what happens...