I am new to the boards, although have spent quite a bit of time reading the posts and have gained alot of insight from others. Have mostly been reading on the "trying to recover the marriage" threads but have come to the decision that the best thing for all is a divorce.

I think it makes me look pathetic but I have to admit I am scared to think of going it alone and supporting myself the rest of my life. The thought of working full time, day after day, after day, just seems overwhelming to me. I am embarassed to admit this and I am not proud to feel this way.

We have been married 28 years and I had been a stay at home mom for many of the years and the other years I was working part time, but the last 3 1/2 years I have worked pretty much full time. Full time the last year.

Can anyone relate to this? I feel lazy and unmotivated when I admit this to myself. Especially when I know there are others in so much worse situations.

I can relate. I've been on my job 16 years and my dearest wish is to retire in about 8 years BUT I don't think I'm going to be able to. The way it looks right now, I'll be working until my cold stiff carcass is carried out of the building.

BUT REMEMBER: things can always change. You might meet and fall in love with the greatest guy in the world. Life is strange and almost never turns out the way we think it will. Try to find a job that you really enjoy. If I HAVE to work, I'd rather be where I am than anywhere else. And the best thing about taking care of yourself financially is that you don't have to take crap off anybody just because of money! You can tell them to go get screwed at any time!

I had to smile a little when I read your post. I just got back from a family vacation, extended family - aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, there ended up being about 100 of us there.

The question of the vacation was "Why don't you get a job?"

Let me validate you for a sec, it's not lazy, it's downright scary.

My situation is a little bit different as you'll see after hanging around for a while, but we do have some things in common.

Eventually I will probably be in a position where a job will be the thing to do. I have some little ones that I need to let grow a bit, and a sick ex-husband that needs extra attention now, but eventually I will have to get a job.

I was on bed rest from pregnancy #1 and worked temp jobs a few times when things were really tight. I did the home daycare thing but was still an at home mom during that time.

My job, my life, my world revolved around my family and my home.

It isn't lazy that makes us not want to go get a "real" job.

It's like telling someone who trained and worked hard at being a opera singer all their life - Oh so sorry, you can no longer be an opera singer. You must now become a farmer because the telephone operator said so.

It makes no sense.

Of course it's scary, we aren't trained for it, we aren't used to it, we don't have the skills for it, we have no idea what to expect or what is expected of us.....

Somebody gimme a pill. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

We'll make it.

E

Thank you so much for responding so quickly to my posts , franklymydear and justthewife. I actually started crying when I read them. I was afraid noone would respond. Isn't that silly?!! Feels good to have others know how you feel.
I actually have a good job I guess. I do home health nursing. I have tried hospital, nursing home, and rehab and home health seems to be the best match for me. I actually get very attached to alot of my patients, and they really can be a boost to your day, when they hug you and tell you that your "their favorite nurse"
I went back to college and got my RN. Graduated in Dec 98 so have means to support myself pretty well but just don't want to do it FULL TIME ya know?? And you have to work full time to get insurance at most places, and if we divorce I will need my own insurance.
I like to have time to read, cook, bake, do crafts, etc. and seems when you work full time that is your life. I was the type that really enjoyed being at home with my children. My children are 16 and 23, now. Our daughter just graduated this spring with her degree in music education and just moved into her own apartment and is starting teaching at an elementary school about 40 miles from here. I am very close with my children and get alot of support and love from them. I really have much to be grateful for and I need to remember that.

Would love to be of support to yall in any way I can.

I know how you feel. I feel the same.

I hate not being able to pick up my YS from shcool & having friends over.

My STBX is not happy that I would not look just anywhere for a teching job, but I wanted in district, so I am going to just sub. Money wise it is not for the best but kidwise, mom want be snowed under in lesson plans, papers to grade, researching for tidbits or other intresting stuff that is different. I will make a great history teacher, just not this yr unless something really good turns up at the last minute.

But I will work till I die, or be one of those little old ladies who share their cat's food. All becasue the STBX wanted to make changes in his life & thought trading in the old modle for a newer one would be the easiest. He has since said, that it wasn't, DUH!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Dear tryingtostartover:

I would like to suggest that you are misinterpreting your feelings somewhat and putting blame on yourself where there really is no blame here at all.

You would prefer not to have to work full time for the rest of your life. You have activities that you find more fulfilling, and work robs you of the time to engage in those fulfilling activities.

As the others have said, that doesn’t make you lazy. I’d like to add that the majority of humans (or Americans at least) have the same problem. It’s not exclusive to women or former stay at home moms. There are so many things I’d like to do: work on the house and yard, write, travel, plan elaborate parties and gifts, cook, volunteer, . . . But I work full time, and it doesn’t leave me time to do any of those things to my satisfaction. And I don’t even have children! Likewise, almost all working mothers resent the time away from family that their jobs cost. Enlightened working fathers resent the time cost of work as well. Less enlightened fathers sometimes don’t even realize what they are missing. And of course, some people really don’t have lives outside of their jobs. They live to work. But they are the minority. I believe almost everyone you come across has something they’d rather do. Now, you don’t think all those people are lazy, do you? Then don’t label yourself that way. You’re just a woman facing a reality you hadn’t anticipated, and you’re a little disappointed by what you see. I hope that realizing that laziness is not a factor here will help alleviate the disappointment somewhat. And I’m sure that other posters will have more concrete advice on how to face a life of full time work with a smile on your face.
Best of luck.

Thank you...thank you...thank you...for sharing your feelings on this.

I too went back to school, graduated at the top of my class in college(the ex told me I was too stupid..lol). My fear though is continued resumes sent out with all these wonderful *skills* but no *experience*. How does one *sell* themselves when the best job they had was raising their kids? (not to mention raising a husband?)

It's scary...very scary, but I keep plugging those resumes out and PRAY that someone will hire me. Right now I've had no choice but to move with my parents with my child and work any part-time hours that I can. Why is it that re-entry into the workforce is so damn hard?

We need to spruce you up a bit E.

You were a "Management Consultant"

You were an "Event Coordinator"

You were the "Financial Analyist and Budget Director"

You "Scheduled and Managed Dispatch and Delivery"

Holy Cow, talk about experience - any housewife could walk into an office and have that place running right in no time flat. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Let's not sell ourselves short.

Interviewers often give points for creativity.

Put those years in that resume. They weren't wasted in any way. They were the ones that were best spent.

Betcha you get a job if you do it....

Double dog dare you....

E <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Elizabeth,

You're right! What other manager could boast the diverse skills that moms have?

Trying! You are really in an enviable position here. You have one of the most marketable skills out there. AND you should be able to choose a great schedule. My sis works doubles on Sat/Sun and nothing the rest of the week. There are so many options available to nurses.

I know looking for a job is horrible but you are highly desirable job-wise and that's half the battle. You're gonna do fine.

Love all of you for responding. Alot of wisdom and compassion out there.
So glad I posted.

We can do this
We are strong
We are WOMAN

Sorry getting a little carried away with a little take on Helen Reddy's "I am Woman" Gee.. when was that in the 70's or 80's???

Now is when we get nekkid and hug right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Or did I post on the wrong board again... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Just got back to the boards after a little cleaning.

(((((((GROUP HUG))))))

But lets just skip the nekkid part, maybe burn our bras!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I have been teaching for the past 25 years--off and on.

For the last 6 years, I have been teaching full time. It was just to get us through retirement and starting his new airline career---well, looks like I will now be teaching untill retirement.

This is scary for me also. I didn't want to do this forever...or at least have the flexiblity to switch jobs when I need a change. No such luck.

I think I will look at going back to school however...sad to think that I now have to live on my salary. What a shame. We will survive, I guess.

Retirement? Hmmmm, I guess for me that means being a greeter at the local Wal Mart.

Excuse me while I make my kids do math problems and study rocket science.

I am also going to start collecting potato chips that resemble the faces of the Presidents, and selling crack to school children.

At least in jail they will feed me.

I wonder if I can bring my cats?

I think the best way to deal with all this is to take it one day at a time.
I think that is when I start feeling like I can't face it is when I look at FOREVER. Whose to say we will have tomorrow.
I have a Mary Engelbreight t-shirt that has the saying on it "Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength." My daughter gave it to me and I love it.
Now to apply this sage advise to my own life!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I think the best way to deal with all this is to take it one day at a time.
I think that is when I start feeling like I can't face it is when I look at FOREVER. Whose to say we will have tomorrow.
I have a Mary Engelbreight t-shirt that has the saying on it "Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength." My daughter gave it to me and I love it.
Now to apply this sage advise to my own life!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Oh E,

Can I be a WalMart greeter with you and wear a big purple hat with a sunflower on it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Only if I am the one to hand the smile stickers to the children.

I don't have to go out to the lot and push the carts in do I?

E

Let's get a cute retiree to do it.
He'll feel strong and virile and we can just stand and smile! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks for posting this subject on the board, and for all of you for sharing your sense of humor! Today was rough but I've been smiling while I've read these posts. Glad I'm not the only one who resents HAVING to work (especially longer than anticipated) as keenly as I do.

I was looking forward to retirement within the next 5 yrs with hubby after having worked while raising 2 kids and throughout most of my life. But now I am also facing working forever and ever <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> and I don't have a college degree to fall back on (nor am I really interested in obtaining one at this point). At least I love my job <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Thanks again for brightening my day!