I am Gay. My history with my partner spans 12 yrs..We met when I got hired at a job she worked at..she persued me and finally got me..after a very volatile relationship and confusion on my part..I was with a man at the time..I left the job and went in the military..4 yrs later I starting seeing her again while she was involved with someone..her lover found out and my partner chose to stay w/her..devastated I went my way..she contacted me last yr after her lover broke it off with her..we had a commitment ceremony in May..the affair she had w/a coworker happened before and continued until a kiss at work got her demoted and the other person fired..the other person is in florida..my partner denied it was more than a kiss until I found letters showing otherwise..she wants to make this work..I cant even function..I want to make it work too..we want to seek counseling but until scheduling permits will counseling by phone work? or at least help? Is the fact that she chose to stay with me rather than stay with the other person mean something? How can I know she really wants to be with me? and is not in this for pity..she says she loves me and wants to have a future with me and wants help for finding out why she did this..confused and helpless...Meisha<P>------------------<BR>Meisha

Counseling by phone can work...the Harleys do this and reports are that they are very helpful (my H and I did briefly...but he did not want to continue...but that's another story, I do think was helpful, evn if short time).<P>I'm sorry for your pain...there is a load of confusion and pain in any situation like this...If your partner and you want to work thru this, this site and the info found here are a great place to start.<P>Hang in there--<P>Kathi.<P>