Just briefly: After things that have been going on for the past 8 + months, and after being on MB Boards for over 3 years, surviving Dday over 4 years ago, and dealing with my WS's EA, I realized that he will not change. He will continue to withhold affection, attention, romance, admiration and all the things you can't put a price on in a marriage. He will continue keeping in touch with OW, and it will hurt every time he does.

I drafted a goodbye letter (not a Plan B letter, a goodbye letter) which I haven't delivered to him yet.

I'm going to miss these Boards and the wonderful and generous people who post here.

I may lurk, haunt, and post to keep in touch, especially to people who don't define "crushes" as affairs. They can do more fatal damage to a marriage than any mere roll in the hay.

Belle,
Why are you leaving the Divorcing/Divorced boards since you will be getting a divorce?
I am new here and in much confusion myself, about my situation. Don't really know if I should be posting on this board but feel more related to this board than to the recovering board. We are still living together but I just don't see it ever changing really and think I need to be a "big girl" and face it.

Belleview,

I hope you stay and post as it's great to hear from someone who has been through it already. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

d.

tryingtostartover:

Why are you leaving the Divorcing/Divorced boards since you will be getting a divorce?

Because I have posted on the d&d boards while still having hope to save our marriage. I guess it's not surprising that I confused you; I confuse my STBX and sometimes others who I talk to.

I am new here and in much confusion myself, about my situation. Don't really know if I should be posting on this board but feel more related to this board than to the recovering board. We are still living together but I just don't see it ever changing really and think I need to be a "big girl" and face it.[/QB][/QUOTE]

In answer to the above, anyone who comes here goes through a lot of ups and downs. Some of the posters/visitors succeed; others drop out without a word. Some of the successes don't save their marriages but they become better people.

I have hopped around from one board to another; learning from the people who post.

For some reason I empathize with the newbies on the JFO board and want to apply "first aid" for them. This is even more than 4 years after D day.

So to clear up your confusion, I guess I was saying goodbye to my marriage. I used the boards to vent rather than decapitating my H, and to vent rather than to call an attorney, and to receive help and clarity from people like Resilient, Kam, NSR, Gnome de Plume, Medic, Karenna and a lot of other diverse angels.

I wanted MB'ers to know that I was still alive and kicking but would probably be too busy to come around much if at all.

Sorry for your situation. I hope you're wrong, I hope there is hope for your marriage, but only you know best.

All the best to you Belle

DOL

Someone on these boards recommended this site. I do not believe it's boards can be beat if you are divorcing.

If you haven't already, take a look at "Crazy Time". I was astonished at how good it was; how it spoke of things with a clarity that shone..

Blessings, and peace

<small>[ August 12, 2002, 07:36 PM: Message edited by: Family Man ]</small>

Belle,

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm going to miss you!

You always popped in and had the right thing to say. THANK YOU.

I do know however, that eventually you have to cut the cord and move on - for your own personal happiness, sanity and growth.

There is much to be said though for putting forth the effort. Kudos to you! You're Ex is the loser here for sure.

And if you have any info. about your experiences with your attorney and divorce court, please return and pass it on. Thanks.

K

Family Man:
[Thank you for the referral. I've already been there and you're right, it is helpful.

God is in Control:

I'll miss you too. Continue logging your X's actions, and continue being civil and taking the high road. Our Blessed Mother IS looking out for you (I read your post to another Catholic on the Boards)

Any chance you would qualify for welfare? There is nothing shameful about accepting that kind of support. You have an infant and 3 younguns.

No? What about working out of a home office, hiring a full time nanny to watch the kids, and doing "extra" work or consulting and telecommuting. That way the babes don't have to get out of bed early and commute to daycare.

Ignore if not helpful.

I could never ignore your posts - they're always helpful! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I have thought about working at home - it would be really easy to do if Ex would get off of his "I have to have control kick."

Doesn't mean it's totally ruled out in the future.

I've also thought about welfare - I'm not that proud. My prayer now is to be able to find a house for my kids come Nov. when Ex stops paying the current note.

The high road eh? I guess that's the narrow road with all the bumps and rocks but with the big reward at the end? Ok. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> If I must.

Make sure your attorney is a great one!

Many blessings to you! K

Belle,
I don't know if you even remember me, but about 18 mos ago, Feb 2001, you were the first person who responded to me...for that alone, I've followed you. We sort of got off on the wrong feet..I was WAY too sensitive then...but you were helpful.

All I can say is that I think you are a very good person who is selling herself short. Maybe it's not "MB political correctness" to encourage someone to leave a marriage, but personally, I think you are going to be so much happier..and will find someone who looks at you and treasures you for the caring woman you are.

Good Luck, Belle..and thanks,
T

Dear Twyla:

I've looked back at some of your most recent posts and recognize real thoughtfulness and insight. And yes I remember back when we first posted to each other. Sometimes I don't think about how what I say will be taken. It's a long-time shortcoming. I look back and remember conversations in light of recent events, and I think "How could I have been to tactless/rude/insensitive" -

It sounds like things are going a lot better for you and your guy. That you're willing to go play golf with him is great. Personally, I've gone a few times, but more than anything I enjoy walking the course, admiring the landscaping. I can't be bothered writing the number of strokes down on the card, lining up shots, or any of that stuff. I don't mind at all if another group "plays through".

So long, and I'll be lurking. You help a lot of people with your insights.