Hi everybody?

So the OM moved in with her 3 weeks ago for about 2 weeks,now they're keeping it a bit more "discrete" from the kids.He still sleeps there and they spend all weekends together.yeah,I found out about 3 weeks ago and went 1 week ago for the divorce.Told her nicely,calm that from my point of view it's over,and I could never get back together.So why doesn't she want to divorce?We've been separated for some time,living in different places,she's found the man of her dreams,I'm paying her what we agreed,I take care of the kids over most weekends and some weekdays...so why ?
Btw,it was her idea to separate to "rediscover our relationship"..yeah I know it was stupid..but..I didn't know about this site at the time.
Anybody has any insights ?

What are the things she has told you that have convinced you that she doesn't want to divorce?

It sounds like the typical cake walker type of spouse that has some of her emotional needs filled by OM while the rest are filled by her husband (you). Don't be surprised that from the time you filed and the time you become divorce, she will come back pleading with you to take her back because OM is incapable of meeting all her needs and she is unsure about the affair progressing to a viable relationship. At this point the affair is probably in it's last days and she probably will be desperate in beign abandoned by OM and you.

Do you have any doubts about divorcing her?

<small>[ August 09, 2002, 03:48 AM: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

>>What are the things she has told you that have convinced you that she doesn't want to divorce?
I tried to go for joint divorce application to save a lot of money.She said yes untill I actually spoke to a lawyer and was ready to roll.
Then she said no,unless she has full custody of the kids.She also knows that I have a promotion or 2 coming...so it may be about money as well.
>>At this point the affair is probably in it's last days and she probably will be desperate in beign abandoned by OM and you.
At this point I would say the affair is fine and well,they were doing just fine untill the kids complained,they are talking all day long over the Internet,even when he's at work,and he still sleeps there,they spend all of their time together,he's trying to form some kind of bond with the kids....they're jsut taking it slower in front of the kids.
>>Do you have any doubts about divorcing her?
Nope,none whatsoever.Even tough I still love her I could never get back.For me it has always been this way,when I trust somebody I do unless they lie to me.If they do ...it's over.I could never sleep to her again after she's been with another man cheating on me.
After reading SAA(and others) and seeing the posts here and in other forums I know what went wrong.Yes I've had my share of mistakes that led to this but she never changed in 14 years,which she said-"Take me as I am ,I would never change" a lot of times.She didn't.Why would I want to try again.
I wrote the whole thing off,I'll give myself a year or so to concentrate on my career without commiting to anybody unless the "dream girl" comes along and I'll move on.
Yes,I'm sure I don't want her back as a wife.

Update
So ,after feeling kinda blue yesterday,I decided that somehow I have to press the matter,so I wrote a plan B letter,which will hopefully led to
her finally letting go of me,and cut all the contacts,while letting me move on for good.I know it's gonna take months,or years but I do realize that I can't jump know into another relationship and simply can't take it talking to her like we're just friends,not with her calling me on my cell and at work to complain about her work problems and to tell me what the kids are doing to her.
/Vent
What can I do about it when HE lives there,and they're having a good time together.Maybe she doesn't realize that even tough I want to divorce her and I know(I think) we would never get back as a marriage it still hurts for me,it's all to soon,it's all so fast that I can't move on emotionally in a blink of an eye,maybe she does and just wants a "pay back" or wants to have a backup...who knows,I don't and certainly can't take it.I need clarity in my life so I can take care of myself and the kids in the moments we spent together.
End Vent/
I know that Plan B is for when you still hope to get your marriage back,but...I can't see another way with her not letting go of me.
What is she thinking ???
Yes,maybe later on I will look back as these days and wonder...but...right now that's how I feel.
Did anybody went through this before?How long did it took you to finally clear your mind and move on for good?