ExH just called the kids to talk to them.

He is definitely getting married today at 7pm Vegas time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

He asked the oldest son to say a little prayer at that time for them?!?!?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

What prayer does he want him to say - Pleas eGod don't let my dad commit adultery? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I wonder if Elvis is going to marry them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

He also kept asking my oldest son if he had a message for OW. Son kept changing the subject and Ex kept pressing him until finally oldest said tell her I miss her and I love her. I wonder if he knew it was what daddy wanted to hear....

He's the only one that Ex and OW lay it on thick for with the I love yous etc. THey don't do it with any of the other kids.

Ex sounded tired and was in the casino "playing" - gambliing money that he says he doesn't have...... money for say, school uniforms.

He has truly picked OW over the kids. The gloves are off. The more I think about all of the selfish things that he's done. Well it make me sick.

It's just hard to know that you did everything you could and the other person just doesn't see the big picture, the Godly picture, at all. He's just living in the here and now, and pretending that no matter what he does, as long as he is a doctor, he'll go to heaven. I really need to get started on finishing my annulment papers.

It wouldn't even be so bad if he would just keep trying to justify his actions to the kids, which just confuses them even more.

You can call a circle a square as long as you want, but people still know that it's a circle.

So, this is my life.

Please be praying for me and the children today at about 7pm Mountain time so that we can heal and move on with our lives.

I know that Ex is the one who is ruining his life and that he is the big loser in all this, but it's still a tragedy. I need to go distract myself right now before I start to cry.

K

<small>[ August 11, 2002, 10:41 PM: Message edited by: God is in Control ]</small>

Dear GIIC,

You will definitely be in my prayers today...you and your kids. I am so sorry....the damage they do to their families....

You will be ok....it is not going to be easy...but you sound so much stronger and better. This hurt will always be a part of our life experience--but we will grow from it and hopefully apply the lessons learned in a better way in our next relationship. Life will be good again for us and I will be looking forward to the day you write to tell us how happy you are.

Take wonderful care of yourself today. Do something with your family....I am proud of you and how you have handled what has been given you. Thank you for all the encouraging words and advice you have given me over the last few months---you have given me strength so many times--I appreciate you so much.

I hope at 7:00 you are surrounded by your wonderful kids and are doing something fun that makes you laugh. I will be thinking of you. Pat

Dear GIIC,
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.

I would like to share with you two comments by friends of mine who have also been through divorces. They helped me a lot. First, "you have dodged a bullet". Second, "He will never change. He will cause emotional abuse to OW also. One day OW will wake up and have a VERY bad day."

BTW: my STBXH is also a dr. and the OW was his nurse/office manager when they started their affair. Must be an occupational hazard.

Chin up. Never let them see you sweat. Living well is the best revenge.

(((((((((((((((((((((GIIC)))))))))))))))))))

I wish there was something I could do other than send cyberhugs and love and light. You are such a warm and caring person and have always been there for me, especially in my recent troubles, and I wish I had a magic phrase that would make it better for you.

Las Vegas, how tacky....I always read about those with amusement. The marriages there just do not seem real to me somehow. Well, a tacky marriage for a tacky couple.

You and your children deserve so much better than this, I know, but we can't make WS's do the honourable thing. Like my stbx, your X is selfish to the extreme right now, and expects everyone to be happy about it. Telephoning the kids confirms that...be happy for daddy in his new life, cos if he thinks even for a SECOND that the kids accept this, he doesn't have to feel guilty. I can clearly envisage the same scenario for me and my children when stbx marries HIS OW.

Words of love for OW from your son that had to be pried from his mouth do not mean squat, and your SON knows this, as will your X and OW one day.

How are the children with this news? Have you talked? They will need you so much right now, even if they are putting on a brave face. They love you and trust you and do not want you to feel hurt, so they may hide it. Give them an extra dose of love today..they most certainly need it...as do you. Kid hugs and kisses are the best, most warmest, most truly loving things for me.

Rest assured that God knows who has been the one with the heart in the right place. He has been with you throughout this journey and will continue to be.

I will say a prayer for you and your children right now, since I am not sure of the time difference...

Much love and light, dear friend,

Jacky

GodIsInControl,

I have been following your story ever since your H tried to take your tiny newborn to visit OW for the weekend in spite of the breastfeeding. (Excuse me while I puke!)

You know, the longer I live, the more I wish I had the confidence (and $$) to pursue a medical degree. It seems they'll give them out to just about anyone! But then I wouldn't have the time to be the mommy that my precious kids deserve...naaah, not worth the trade-off!

You have been incredibly brave, humble, faithful to God and an absolute rock for your kids. I am thankful and amazed in the strength of your spiritual commitment. Praise God for your supportive family and friends!

Please know that there are many of us who read your posts, care about you as sisters in Christ and pray for you. Many,(like myself)lurk but don't always post. But we care.

I am inspired by your perserverance. May the Lord bless you and keep you!

You are going to be okay!

Love,
Susan

Dear GiiC,

Just a note to say my prayers will be with you, and your children. I've been following
your story and can hardly believe what I read. The selfishness and cruelty of these
WS's never ceases to amaze me! Your story particularly touched me. I am in awe
at how well you have handled your whole ****ty nightmare, and want you to know
I think you are AMAZING!!!!

My WH is off this past week with his OW and one of her son's and a friend of her son's.
I was off camping with some family friends and my two kids this past week - a tradition
we've had as a family for the past 5-6 years. This was the first time w/out WH. (He left
last November). On the way to our campground my kids told me WH was off as well
with his 'new' family (barf!). Anyways, I know a little of how you feel, and want to
encourage you to keep on following God's path for you. That's the only path that makes
any sense. Just keep being the best person you can be, and love your kids
like crazy. You are doing a fabulous job!

Once again, be assured I'll keep you in my heart and prayers. Nel

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by God is in Control:
<strong>ExH just called the kids to talk to them.

He is definitely getting married today at 7pm Vegas time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

He asked the oldest son to say a little prayer at that time for them?!?!?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

You can call a circle a square as long as you want, but people still know that it's a circle.

So, this is my life.

Please be praying for me and the children today at about 7pm Mountain time so that we can heal and move on with our lives.

K</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">To GIIC - It's 8:18 CST - you GOT it! May God bless you and your children.
PS - You might want to post what your EX said on another thread - "Great & Famous Quotes Of WSs" - it's definitely a Classic!
Take care and keep looking up, please. You WILL get thru this - if somebody like me can make it - so can you...
Harold

GIIC,

I'm so sorry for the pain you and your children are now experiencing. You are in my thoughts tonight.

Something you said struck me--"The more I think about all of the selfish things that he's done. Well it make me sick."

I feel exactly the same. I have tried so hard to let him know that I love him and that I am willing to forgive all of the horrible things he has done so that we can work through this but he just doesn't care. And the more I think about how selfish that is, the more sick I become... and angry, too.

Does the nausea ever go away?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

GIIC,

I am so sorry for the pain that you are enduring this evening.

They are pushing the "I love you" thing on the oldest cuz if they win him over the others are a piece of cake. How awful for your son to have to say that in front of you knowing that it would hurt you and I am sure that that is the last thing that he wants to do!!

At least your kids knew OW before she is officially the Step Mom (I hate that term along with ex-wife). STBX is bringing girls back tomorrow, they have been in his apartment for a week surronded by her stuff, knowing that she was not allowed to be there, told him that he could introduce them to her, Told them they could ask to meet her. BUT NO STBX is going to wait til they are married which will probably be the day after the divorce is final to introduce them. Again don't know how I feel about that one!!! I'm sure there's will be a Vegas gig too!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Too ashamed to have family and friends present!!!

My thoughts and prayers are with you as I finish painting the girls rooms tonight!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am simply overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support from all of you guys and gals. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I really don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling today(I didn't read the manual on what to do the day your Ex marries the OW), if anything, but I do know that I would be a total basketcase if it weren't for God's hand in this.

I've even felt actually happy - after my initial post, and I had a really great evening with the kids. We made dinner together and then brownies and cookies for dessert. They are simply incredible kids. Which, of course, makes me all the more ANGRY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> at Ex for being so wrapped up in himself to see what he's doing to them.

Well, when I was talking to a priest last week, I told him that I felt so guilty still being so needy almost a year after Ex leaving and still having so many people still helping me emotionally and physically, and he basically asked me "Have you been asking for God's help to get you through this?" and I said "yes" and he said "well how else do you expect God to help you, if not through people?" Good point, I thought.

And I see, especially during the last few days, that God is definitely helping me thought this. Today, He has given me unbelieveable inner strength to stay calm. (Hopefully He'll give me an extra boost of strength the first time I see Ex with the wedding band on.)

And I know that God has definitely sent all of you to help comfort me during this really rough time.

Thank you all for your responses. They all touched me and comforted me and helped me know that everything will really be ok. In fact,even better than ok.

I am truly blessed. K

GIIC:

As Bill Clinton (yech!!) likes to say: "I feel your pain"

Seriously, I know what this is like. My wife moved out two week ago. The kids (8, 10, 13) ask why. Should I tell them that "Mommy is a drug addict who like to have sex with other men"? (which I would like to some times!) No, I tell them that "Mom and Dad love you guys very much, it's just that Mom and Dad need to sort things out"

I recently had to go out of town on a business trip (it was 2.5 hours drive from home). I called home at 10:00 to check on the kids and oldest son said Mommy was helping a neighbor find a dog. I called the neighbor and, guess what, wife was not there. Came to find out that wife told kids lie then went to bar to meet friends. Wife wants to have "amicable separation for the sake of the kids". I am going to the lawyer to spill everything and get some advice. I told wife that I can never trust her word again.

Now, the reason I am telling you this? Because I too feel bad, lonely, etc. When I feel this way, I just remember how I felt for the past four years (the sleepless nights waiting for her to roll in at 3:00+ AM, etc.) and I know that nothing nothing is worth that crap!!

At least I just wasted the last 13 years (except for the kids, the only bright light in the marriage) instead of 20, 30, etc.

Hang in there!! Take it one day at a time and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

GIIC, my thoughts are with you.

A quote I read once "what doesn't kill us will make us stronger". Much strength to you!!

God is in control - this is wrong for your xh to treat you and the kids like this. But you are a dynamite person. Just doing dinner together with the kids and making cookies and brownies shows that you are a caregiver and lover of your family. Don't lose that perspective on life.

All of us betrayed spouses are in the same boat, and boy do I have my ups and downs. Last night was a bummer, and today am trying to get back on the right path.

Keep yourself busy, keep your kids in your life, but also remember you are a special person that God created. So treat yourself to a nice bubble bath, get your nails done, or just go shopping by yourself or with a friend. Do something for this wonderful person you are, you deserve extra TLC!

Dear GIIC:
Not many words today.....not many ever, i guess. However, I am praying for you. You are in my thoughts (and in the thoughts of many, it looks like!).

God Bless you,
c++

Hey GiiC,

You sound like your are doing okay. It will get better.

My x went and got married on the weekend of our s's 10th birthday. My son was mad that she wasn't there, so I told him to ask her why. I'm not sure she ever did get him anything. She promised a bunch of stuff but of course never followed through.

Fortunetly, for her, he's a loving kid and forgave her. He can only hope she doesn't have a relapse with someone else(guess I can't the next one an om!).

Hang in and God Bless!

Bob

Hi GIIC -

I just wanted to tell you that I know how you feel. And I really liked your quote about calling a square a circle but people knowing what it really is. That definitely applies to my ex H and his new wife, OW, and their fantasy world.

When my ex married OW FOUR DAYS after our divorce was final, it felt like a sucker punch. But then I was glad they did it so soon, so I didn't have to wait for that other shoe to drop. I too have to deal with them shoving their "new family" in my face. (She left her boys, then 2 and 7, so her ex H has primary custody) She gets her boys every other weekend when my ex H gets my two older girls (3 and 5) so they play happy family then. OW actually made a scrapbook of their trip at spring break and sent it home with my oldest. OW had written "My Family" on it and it was all pictures of them and their stepbrothers. Pretend what you have done is great all you want, but don't expect me to buy into it!!!

So they got married....that just means real life will hit sooner then later. OW's ex H told me that ex H and OW have a huge framed copy of their marriage certificate hanging in their living room. That cracked us up to no end. They must have put it there to remind the other one when they leave the house that they are indeed married, so try not sleep with others. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Anyway, I'm glad you are doing better. Like you, my 3 little ones keep me busy and remind me how important my role as mother is. We are the ones that have stayed stable and secure and are doing what is best for our children. They are the ones who know they aren't doing that, but are pretending they are. No one is fooled!

I hope your night is great!!!

Krista

I am so touched by all of the responses, that I have to respond to them all.

MnM - Pat, what can I say, our WH's are just ding dongs and missing out on all of the joys that our children's lives bring. I can't imagine the day when my children will be going off to college, but I know times flies..... You're being such a good role model for them now, and for that you will be rewarded. Thanks so much for all your words of encouragement.

chenille - Let's just say, my next husband will NOT be a doctor and that I'm staying away from all hospitals and places where they frequent. Actually, it's my own fault, my grandmother always told me never to marry a doctor - and did I listen - no - and look where I am.... Actually, I think where my WH went astray is when he started thinking that the world revolved around him because he was doing such important work. Well, yes, physically healing people is important work, but guess what, if WH wasn't around, there would be someone else to do it, and being a doctor doesn't mean that you also ge ta license to be a jerk too....... or maybe it does. Actually I do know some very Christian doctors, so I know it's possible, it's difficult, but possible.

Nina too - It's nice to know that I have a friend out there who can understand the craziness of my world right now. Yes, Las Vegas is tacky, and just reinforces the error of his ways, but at least the kids didn't have to be there. Tonite, my oldest said that now that Ex is married, he can't return to our marriage. He said that in a way that I think will help give him closure to his pain because kids are always secretly hoping that their parents will reunite, and now he sees that it's not going to happen, which is good, because Ex is not someone I'd want to be married to. So maybe this will be good for my relationship with the kids, who are already talking about who I'm going to marry and the #1 criteria is going to be someone who puts God first - they're the ones that said that. Although at this point, I think I actually like being single, I don't have to meet anyone's needs but my own and my kids. Husbands are alot of work, and I need a break!

bachelor's wife - It gladdens my heart to know that you are out there praying for me and thinking about me. You posted at exactly the right time in my life, and I am thankful for it. Susan is also a special name in my family, so it was a special bonus to see that as your name.

natasha79- My family took my kids camping this summer, and they loved it. It really bonds a family together. Thanks for reminding me what path I'm on. Sometimes it's hard to keep focused on Christ, especially with all of the craziness going on all around me. And thanks for verifying that the actions of my Ex are truly selfish and cruel. Sometimes I can't believe what he's done myself because Ex honestly believes that he is the victim in all of this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> The fog is pretty thick around him.

LuvDatbaby- I posted it. Everytime I read a post about famous quotes, I'm reading the same stuff that my Ex has already said - it's never anything new. But I have to admit the prayer one was one I'd never heard. And thanks for the prayer - it came through right on time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Katrina0313- Does the nausea ever go away? I think it does, but not for a long long while. I'm almost a year since D-day, and it has taken me every moment of that time to heal, and I'm still healing. Just take things day by day and don't try to rush anything. Life is a process and unfortunately it takes time to work everything out. But again, in time, you'll feel better. I;ve read posts from people a year or two later and they have great lives and have healed, so even though sometimes I don't believe it's possible, I know that one day I too will have some peace.

daybreak- It's weird how your WH is still hiding OW. My Ex is still hiding her even though they were getting married. I wonder if he'll still hide her when he returns. It's probably best for the kids that they don't see her. Your WH needs to spend time with them without her and my kids never really got alot of time with their dad because OW was always there, and it just lets the kids know that dad is doing something wrong by his deceit. Hope the painting job turned out the way you wanted it too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

betrayed_husband- You must totally feel like Hosea, whose wife was running around on him. It's sad all the ways the WS engages in self destructive behavior. It's good that you're taking care of your kids, they need to know what a loving family is - one that's not constantly interrupted by antics of a WS. I don't think that you actually wasted 13 years of your life, because you do have the kids and have learned many valuable life lessons I'm sure, but I do appreciate the sentiment that I'm glad it happened now and not 10 or 20 years from now, as is the case with so many here on this board. It's a tragedy anyway you look at it, but I guess it's time to see how to minimize the damage, if at all possible. Good luck to you.

gaiaa- Well, I'm not dead yet. But I'm reminded of Iago in the movie Return of Jafar(second in the Disney Alladin series). The geie couldn't kill, but after thinking that he was go badly hurt, he opened his eyes and said - you'd be surprised what you can live through. Sometimes that's how I feel - like gold that tested in fire. I'm going to be one tough cookie after this for sure! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

cry2much- You have been through so much too, so when I get encouraging words from you, it really means alot. Through it all being a good mom and a good person is important, and ultimately we and our children will be the better ones for it. I';; continue to hang in there if you will.

c++_guy- I want you to know, that listening and not speaking is a great quality, and one that most women really appreciate because they want someone who will listen and not talk as much as thay do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Seriously, God gave you lots of special gifts and talents and has something and someone special in store for you. He won't abandon us. Keep trusting. And believe it or not, the prayers do help. I think that some days it the only thing that keeps us all going.

RWD- I honestly can't believe that a mother could do that to her child. It just shows me how powerful the fog really is. It's great to know that your kids have you to rely on. So, it will get better eh? I'm counting on it!

WhoamInow- A scrapbook?!?!? On one hand it's good that she's trying to be nice, but on the other hand it's pushing things a little bit. Reminds me when oldest son brought a key chain picture home of EX, OW and all the kids in front of Sea World. The children are so desperate to have a normal family that they think that any family with a married mom and dad is great, however, they will learn soon enough that OW really can't love them like their mom can, at least not in a couples of months. The excitement will wear off pretty quick I imagine. The wedding band is kind of a license to start making demands on the other person. Should be interesting. I was actually surprised that Ex and OW waited this long. It's not like it means anything. When times get tough, it's a heck of alot easier to leave - they don't have nay kids together and they're not married in the church. I can't believe that they could actually say 'til death do us part with a straight face - maybe they took it out of the ceremony and added until one of us wants a divorce. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Once again. I wouldn't have made it this far without each and every one of you!!!!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! K

Dear GIIC: I am so sorry for what you are going through. I believe that I will be going through the same thing soon. My divorce should be final any day and the OW is pregnant. I know my marriage is over but it will still be a very hard time for me. Take care of yourself and my prayers are with you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Well, when I was talking to a priest last week, I told him that I felt so guilty still being so needy almost a year after Ex leaving and still having so many people still helping me emotionally and physically, and he basically asked me "Have you been asking for God's help to get you through this?" and I said "yes" and he said "well how else do you expect God to help you, if not through people?" Good point, I thought.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">GIIC, I love this story, and it's so true. God has brought me many new people to help me through this crisis. And you are helping new people everyday with your stories on this site.

God Bless you and your family.

GIIC:

I want to tell you that I cannot walk into my parish church, or any Catholic Church for that matter, without thinking of you. I pray for you and the challenges you face.

my best to you,
my prayers for you and your children,
c++_guy