I use to post on the EN board but now I get to move over here. My H wants to divorce me and move on with his life. He says that he feels he was to young when we got married and plus some of the thing we have gone through in our marriage is just all to much for him. I guess I should start out with my story I have been married for 15 years. I was 22 and so was he. We are both 37 have 3 girls. the OD is mine from my first marriage ( I was 16) the other two are ours. they are 12,9 . My H is in the Navy, I was a stay at home mom for a long time. I grew up in a home with a mother who drank and was very verbally abusive.I was sexualy abused at 5 ,I was also raped at 11 by a man who lived with us this went on for a long time. At the age of 15 I met my first H we were in high school, We married I has my OD and at the age 18 we got divorced. I met my H now when I was 20 and we dated and lived together when we were 21.and Married at 22. Things were alright for years. The past 8 years things became rocky. But we wanted to work things out because of our children. He left on a 6 month deployment and things got really bad I became sick and my OD had to drive me places because the doctors thought I might of had a stroke, We still do not know what happen but I am alright now. when H came home he had new best friend ( Female) they were on the ship together. She is married and they still say they are just friends but my children have seen her sit in his lap and kiss him on his neck. I have seen her hang on him and tell me I am not good enough for him. after about 6 months of him telling me no matter what I think or how I feel they are going to stay friends NO MATTER what, and them always drinking I could not handle it any more my past abuse came back with such force I had an A with a 23 yr. old. My H found out we tried to work things out his FF stayed in picture even though he had 3 counselors tell him to get rid of her. To punish my self even more I had a one night stand with a 22 yr. old , H found out went to live with FF and her H lived there about a month, moved into his own place said he wanted to wait 6 months before making any decisions about what he wants to do at firt he wanted back with me then no, he is still in tight with FF. my girls don't like her but youngest one will be around her the middle one wont and it is hurting the relationship she has with him. FF does not care that his children are hurt they all blame me. He stoped counseling I still go our marriage counselor is now one of my personal counselors and then I have one to deal with my past sexual history ( not fun very painful) they both got to see how he is and have said he has a lot of issues he needs to work on and that all of this is not my fault. that he needs to step up to the plate and work on this. Now he says he want a divorce even thought the 6 months are not up. I guess once again I am sol story of my life. I am trying to think about other things and work on my self. I pray every night and every day I have friends and family praying to that he will see what is going on in his life but he is still deep in fog ( black fog) I have a lawyer But not to much has been said about what is going on and what will happen. He has a lawyer too and was a little mad I got one but he has the upper hand he has money and has been in the Navy for 18 years. I have always been a stay at home mom untill Nov. when I got a job but I don't get paid that much. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I have no clue about how much child support he will have to pay or what else is going to happen other then we are going to sale the house we just bought ( 3 blocks around the corner from FF) so the girls and I have to move out. I am trying to find a place to live that is nice and I can afford. Sorry this is long <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I just really am not sure what to do. I keep praying and I hope God hears my prayers. I feel very useless <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> right now.
Lori

Sorry to hear about your story. Welcome to this board, I lurk on both boards. Make sure you get counseling locally, or through a divorce support group.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by geosblondeone:
<strong>My H wants to divorce me and move on with his life. I guess I should start out with my story I have been married for 15 years. My H is in the Navy, I was a stay at home mom for a long time. I met my H now when I was 20 and we dated and lived together when we were 21.and Married at 22. Now he says he want a divorce even thought the 6 months are not up. He has a lawyer too and was a little mad I got one but he has the upper hand he has money and has been in the Navy for 18 years. I have no clue about how much child support he will have to pay or what else is going to happen other then we are going to sale the house we just bought ( 3 blocks around the corner from FF) so the girls and I have to move out. I am trying to find a place to live that is nice and I can afford.
Lori</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is hope for you, Geosblondeone - I spent nearly 9 years in the Military (Army) myself - your husband WILL - I repeat - WILL be giving you NO LESS than 50 PERCENT of his retirement pay - it sounds like he's a 'career man' and there is NO WAY any lawyer will or can get him out of that one. The Military is also VERY STRINGENT on Child Support Payments. Your Legal (or Law) Center on Base can and will help you at no charge. They are experts on Military Regulation - your husband is all-fired in a hurry to divorce, well, it's going to cost him plenty - if he thinks he can 'bull' his way out of it - he's wrong - he does NOT know military regulations. Of course, you can't collect any of his Retirement Pay until he begins collecting it - but you WILL get it should you divorce. There are things like using the Legal Center to get notice to his Commander if he wants to fart around on anything financially he owes you. Also - apply for Child Support Enforcement Division (may have another name for it but it's child support enforcement) Services if you get to the Filing for Divorce stage - let's hope your hubby wakes up and realizes that 18 years spent with a woman "for better or worse" means just that! Also, if you only had been married for 10 YEARS and 10 of those years was spent in the military - guess what - you STILL GET 50 percent of his Retirement Pay. DON'T let him (or his Lawyer) tell you that you aren't entitled - YOU ARE!!!! Maybe that will wake him up and help him to see things the way they REALLY are! May God bless you and your Family.
Harold (SGT Retired)

Thank you Newly and luvdatbaby,
My lawyer said that I can only get 20-40% and that is alright with me. I really am more worried about my girls and how this will be for them. For some reason he seems to think of only him self. He blames me for every thing that went wrong and he feels his friendship with his FF only caused a few problems. I really don't get all of this I guess I am still in shock. I keep praying he will get out of the fog and stop being friends with her but it never happens. I have all of my family and friends praying for me and even some of my friends have the whole church praying for me. Only God himself can get her away from him. I hope one day my girls and I will feel peace and the pain of all of this will go away. I also pray my H gets God in his life and that he goes to counseling.
Lori

He blames me for every thing that went wrong and he feels his friendship with his FF only caused a few problems. I really don't get all of this I guess I am still in shock.

Join the crowd here! We BS's so it seems) get blamed for everything. That helped me not to take it so personal (yes it was personal but I could look at the situation differently.)

keep praying he will get out of the fog and stop being friends with her but it never happens. I have all of my family and friends praying for me and even some of my friends have the whole church praying for me. Only God himself can get her away from him. I hope one day my girls and I will feel peace and the pain of all of this will go away. I also pray my H gets God in his life and that he goes to counseling.

God is good and will see you through this. That must be very comforting to you that you have so many praying for your situation.

Here's a website you may want to check out: web page
There are many of us here on the MB boards that pray for each other, and you will certainly be in mine.

God bless,

D.

PS Here's a sampling of the daily email from Charlene cares:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> A PRAYER FOR OUR SPOUSE AND LOVED ONES

Lord, I pray that each of us including all our spouses and loved ones
will love the Lord our God with all our heart and with all our soul
and with all our strength. I pray that each of us will be reminded
to follow the Ten Commandments each day. I pray that all our hearts
would be inclined to fear the Lord and keep all His commands always,
so that it might go well with us and our children forever. I pray
that we will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the
sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit
what is contrary to the sinful nature. I bind the acts of the sinful
nature that are coming against our spouses and loved ones and loose
on each of us the fruits of the Spirit which is love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-
control. Help us to live by the Spirit and let us keep in step with
the Spirit. Lord, You say that cursed is the one who trusts in man
who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from
the Lord. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose
confidence is in him. Lord, You say that the heart is deceitful
above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? The Lord
searches the heart and examines the mind, to reward a man according
to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve. Lord, speak to
Your children in dreams, in visions of the night when deep sleep
falls on them as they slumber in their beds, speak to their ears and
terrify them with warnings, to turn man from wrongdoing and keep him
from pride to preserve his soul from the pit. Lord, we praise You
that you say, ‘Spare him from going down to the pit, I have found a
ransom for him--then his flesh is renewed like a child's it is
restored as in the days of his youth. He prays to God and finds
favor with Him, he sees God's face and shouts for joy; he is restored
by God to his righteous state. Lord, I pray that our spouses and
loved ones will not conform any long to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Then we will be
able to test and approve what God's will is--His good pleasing and
perfect will. Thank you Lord, that we are not to be afraid or
discouraged because of any vast army or problems. For the battle is
not ours, but God's. We are to have faith in God. I pray that all
of us will flee the evil desires of our youth, and pursue
righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on
the Lord out of a pure heart. To You, O Lord we lift up our souls;
in You we trust, O our God. Do not let us be put to shame, nor let
our enemies triumph over us. Show us Your ways, O Lord, teach us
Your paths; guide us in Your truth and teach us, for You are God our
Savior, and our hope in You all day long. In Jesus Name we pray.
Amen.

Scriptures taken from: Deuteronomy 6:4, Deuteronomy 5:29, Galatians
5:16-17,19,22, Jeremiah 17:5,7,9-10, Job 33:15-18, Romans 12:2,
2 Chronicles 20:15, Mark 11:22, 2 Timothy 2:22, Psalm 25:1,4-5

God bless,
Charlyne Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries
PO Box 10548
Pompano Beach, FL 33061
http://rejoiceministries.org

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

<small>[ August 13, 2002, 11:42 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

this sound so much like my life
and my wife too
see was sexaul abuse as a child to and had an affair with a 17yr she 22yr

i undersatnd you had a troubled marraige but there still no resign to cheat i've been on the other side of it it hurt's
and i real do think you should get any money if her divorces you because you where unfaithful to him