I'm brand new here. Well sort of. I looked at this site many times about 2.5 years ago when H first had his affair. We tried to work things out, I really wanted things to be better. We went to counciling, etc. Here's my situation: I don't love him anymore. I just woke up one morning about 7 months ago and realized it. He is not the man I thought he was....not even close. His affair was one thing, but he's also insanely jealous, controlling, and viciously short tempered. I've been asking for a separation for months now and he won't leave. He says I'm being selfish. He says I'm not considering the children or anyone else. Of course, I think he's ridiculous, but I want to make the right decision. He thinks that because I didn't leave him right after I found out about the affair that it is no longer a viable reason for divorce...he doesn't want to accept my other reasons.

Can anyone tell me what I can do? He won't leave! He won't let me leave. I'm afraid of what's going to happen. I need out...badly!

Certainly.

Malachi 2:16
"I hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself [ 2:16 Or [ his wife ] ] with violence as well as with his garment," says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.
(Whole Chapter: Malachi 2 In context: Malachi 2:15-17)

Read a book called the Power of a Praying Wife and ask your husband to read the Power of a Praying Husband.

Dont look to justify your feelings, instead seek out people who will help you see both sides. See your pastor, pray, read your bible, see a Christian counselor together. Read the articles on this site - consider the legacy you want to leave your children.

Change your heart, I can see that it is very hard right now from reading your words. My advice is to get help to save the marriage, not get out. Also try www.afclive.com Americas Family Coaches.

Be sure the divorce is what you want. If it is then it will be up to you to do it most likely. If he really wants to fight it he can make things pretty miserable and the whole process a mess.

Get a lawyer and cover your a@#! My divorce went about as well as I have heard a divorce go and it is still a mess. That is what happens in emotional situations.

Divorce is never a good thing.

However, an abusive relationship is not a good thing either.

For your kids sake, make sure that you've told your H what he needs to do to change - such as fill out the questionaires on this site, read His Needs Her Needs and Surviving an Affair. And maybe do some couseling. If he says no - well then you have yoru answer.

However, just keep in mind what the Harleys say - even though you don't "feel" in love now, if doesn't mean that you won't ever feel in love - you just have to have love units deposited in your love banks.

Be sure that you've tried all you can and pray before making this decision. It's a big one for sure, and you want to have a clear conscience for the day when our kids ask you why you divorced.

Good Luck. K