Looks like there is more than one of us in the same boat! But how do we keep it from sinking? I have become very disillusioned and am at the point that I don't care any more whether or not we stay married. There are just too many problems to list here.<P>My husband (H) is 43, I'm 42 and we've been married for almost 4 years. Before marriage, H was was very attentive and affectionate. Since the day I became his wife, he didn't need to impress me any more.<P>His whole family is like that. It is very important for them all to impress the world and show what big hearts they have and what wonderful people they are. He and his siblings die for their mother who has been a widow for over 20 years.<P>I should not be surprised. All five brothers and two sisters dance around the mother. The five daughters-in-law (including me) are all outsiders and mean *****es. I have tried to be nice to them all. I used to buy expense gifts for them all but not anymore.<P>We have not had sex in 3 years. We would have sex once every 2-3 weeks in our first year of marriage. But he would talk about other things while doing it. I completely lost the desire for it.<P>I recently underwent my first IVF in the hopes of having a child. After enduring all the injections, during the two week wait after the transfer even though I told him I wanted no tensions of any kind, all he could do was get mad at me - turns out he is missing his mother and his siblings. Well, I did not get pregnant. I really don't know whether I want to bring a child into this world with his family's blood in it.<P>I seem to come at the bottom of his list. First is his mother, then his brother, then the rest of the family, then his friends, then the rest of the world, and finally me.<P>Even though I make 3x the money he does, his family thinks my family and I are living off him because he is in a high-profile profession and supposedly making megabucks. All I seem to do is pay bills. A vacation for him means a visit with his brother. When we do go anywhere (twice since we've been married), he cries about how much fun it would be if his brother was also there.<P>I have given up....but I'm still looking for a solution and that is why I'm venting here today.

Well. . . the only thing that sounds similar that I can relate to is this. That bit about making a good impression. Before I married my parents LOVED my spouse and now neither will have anything to do with me, for the most part because they so despise her.<P>About every year or so she makes a "close friend". . . which lasts about 18 months on the average.<P>I really can't relate to the other things. Longest time w/o sex was 15 months, and that really wasn't because she refused, I just couldn't do it.<P>I've stuck it out for nearly 20 years now. Some things are just "for life" and though I do sometimes become despondent, I treat her well and figure I am a lot happier if I don't get myself into to big of a tizzy about how I "wish" it were. (Though I still do that sometimes).<P>Just smile and be happy with other things.<P>God bless

Oh yeah. . . I re-read your post and did find something else I can relate to.<P>Talking about something else, or watching TV during sex. Maybe I am just no good at it. . . I don't know - haven't been with anyone else ever at all in my life to compare, but I believe that if it were as indifferent as that in every case, it wouldn't be a very popular topic.<P>(I know I am opening myself up for a lot of wise-cracks, but I don't mind)<P>good luck on yours, ma'am

Dear Lonelywife,<BR>If you have tactfully confronted your spouse about each one of the issues that upset you, what does he say or do in response? <BR>Does he realize he is doing wrong?<P>At the wedding altar, he promised to leave his family of origin and to cleave to you and make you his priority, to love and nurture you and the marriage relationship above all else. I would tell him that you can no longer tolerate his constant refusal to live a healthy married life, that he has continuously acted in serious violation of your vows, and if he is unwilling to cooperate with you in working toward change, then you will separate. <P>I feel for you, because my spouse has treated me with much abuse and neglect. He has always had a heavy connection to his parents also, moreso than me. It's been hurtful. He has called down my family, tells me I have bad genes, has forbid us to relate to them for long periods of time, etc. Of course anyone who doesn't do things exactly like him and his parents is no good. Recently I have told my spouse that he can say he loves me, but I do not feel accepted or loved by him at all due to his terrible words and behaviors. <P>I speak from painful experience...I should not have tolerated such disrespect all these years! He has not only hurt me but relationships with those dear to me. My precious Grandmother had a 95th birthday/family reunion and she was sad and confused why I wasn't there; she died and I can't go back and fix the past. <P>Dr.Harley's Policy of Joint Agreement is extremely important, that your spouse should be doing nothing without your enthusiastic agreement! Tell your spouse, this is the only way your marriage can work is by enforcing this policy.<P>Withholding sex and affection...Did you both agree to quit? What are the reasons? This is serious, and you both need to examine why there is so little love and oneness between you spiritually, emotionally, etc. that would lead to no desire for sex.... <P>Or is there a problem with infertility that is robbing your sexuality and relationship? This may need special counseling as well. My spouse and I had a difficult time adjusting sexually after I nearly lost my life and doctors warned us to have no more children. It comes down to developing an attitude that you change what you can in life, and you grieve loss and learn to accept what is unchangeable (my spouse could not do that). Alot can be done medically these days, but there are limits too.<P>But it sounds like your spouse's problem of not making you priority in his life is the bottom line issue affecting the relationship feelings and sex life. He must be willing to agree to limiting his time with others and start meeting your needs.<BR>If he refuses to work these issues out with you or in counseling, then I think you have to prayerfully consider separating. I know this is hard....I'm going through this right now.<BR>Hugs to you and prayers,<BR>~Renae<P>

Thank you for your responses.<P>I think a lot of our problems stem from the fact that marriage means different things to my husband and me. I don't think he has seen a truly happy and sharing marriange. All four of his brothers are unhappy. And being the youngest, he looks up to his brothers as Gods, especially since he lost his father over 20 years ago.<P>His family cannot tolerate me or my family. Every time he talks to them, my husband gets upset with me. I don't know what they tell him and he won't tell me but it seems as if they make him feel guilty for not looking after them.<P>Sex has always been a problem, at least for me. My husband was happy with twice a month and just the wham bam type. I was not being fulfilled in any manner. I only decided to try IVF this year because there was no way we would be having kids on our own the way things are going. At my age (42), I don't have a whole lot of time left to have kids.<P>I find that when I don't get something that I want, I just give up. And that is the way I've been for the past two weeks since the IVF failed and my husband was missing his mom and brother instead of crying for the child we didn't have. I've lost all desire for me husband and for life (don't worry...I'm not suicidal). I'm just living one day to the next.<P>I guess my husband's beef is that I don't see his family in the same light that he does. They are all loud, brash, show-offy and egotistical - not my favorite kind of people. They think there is no one more educated or cultured than them!<P>Anyway, I'm not too pleased with my lot in life at this moment. I need to get out of this daze and do something but at this point, I just don't have the energy or the desire to care.<P>ILMF, seems as if you have done the same and just accepted the situation. There should be more to life, shouldn't there?<P>Renae, I am so sorry about missing your grandmother's birthday. I have also given up attending any special events in my family.<P>We did go for counselling and things did improve but it seems like to much effort for me to put in this. I didn't marry my husband to change him!<BR>

Hi!<BR>Many men feel they have done what it took to win her, and then after the wedding go on to other pursuits. They don't know how to build relationship that is ongoing and mutually growing and satisfying. You are not alone! But men can grow to understanding what they need to do to help their wives feel happy. Yes, sometimes marriage means different things to a man than it does to us women, but why can't we both have the meaning we need?! It should be that way.<P>Is he willing to attend a Family Life Conference by Dennis Rainy? I like his statement that partners need to be operating from the same blueprint to build the marriage. How about "Marriage Encounter" weekends? Is he willing to read or listen to tapes such as Dr. Harley's? If the counseling helped, could you both continue?<P>Personally, I think all relationships take work, not with the attitude of fixing the other person, but rather desire to grow personally as well as a couple for mutual satisfaction. Life is about growing and building my character and enhancing relationships. My problem is that my spouse does not view life like this; he sees himself as right (doesn't have to grow), and is about over-powering me and others (controller and abuser). My spouse refused counseling until a year ago and quit her because she would not do things his way. He will not read or attend seminars to help us. This is why my relationship has little hope. But yours sounds like it has a chance to grow! I would give anything to have the improvement you got in counseling!!!<P>It sounds like your spouse needs to be counseled to look at his attitude toward his his brothers and the effects of the loss of his father and how this impacts your marriage. He should be functioning as an independent adult now, not run by his brothers. He needs to set proper boundaries in relating to parents and brothers so that your marriage is priority. Have you read the book Boundaries in Marriage by McCloud and Townsend? My spouse does need to do a certain amount of care-giving for his elderly dad, but he goes too far in being married to him, in an emotional sense, and giving me nothing. The key is having proper boundaries. The counselor should work with him on this. Your spouse should also defend you, not buy in with his family's attitude toward you.<P>Your spouse's way of handling sex is selfish, if it is always "wham bam". Most women take time to respond. The counselor could explain that sex is a form of communication between you both and he should not run it only his way and you end up feeling used. (My spouse was like this too at one time)<P>I hear your desire to have a child. That is normal and so beautiful. If he loves you, he needs to care about this desire in your heart. Doesn't he desire a child? He needs to be confronted with this along with giving you a fully meaningful relationship so that you feel like having his child.<P>YOu said: "I find that when I don't get something that I want, I just give up....I've lost all desire for me husband and for life..."<BR>I have a tendency to give up too due to how I was raised where my desires weren't important, just obeying what was expected of me and I became a pleaser to the point I didn't know what I liked or wanted. I had to find my identity ( a difficult road), but fortunately you still have your desires burning inside you! That is positive! Don't let go of your dreams! Start by crying out to God about your needs and desires...He cares, and sense from His Spirit what your next step should be. Then in a non-attacking him manner, share with your spouse your dreams and discuss the way to get there.<BR>It sounds like your spouse might work with you (my spouse controls and won't work with me toward my dreams). I guess what I'm saying is, your spouse undoubtedly needs to grow and he doesn't sound impossible as mine is. <P>You deserve to have what your spouse promised you at the wedding. He needs to grow up! Please continue to get your stress out by talking, writing, (I journal)and praying. Please don't give up on your dreams! Go for the counseling!!! It is worth the work if both will work at it!!<BR>Wishing you the best,<BR>~Renae<P>

If you and your spouse decide to try again at pregnancy, and I hope you can, it may not be an easy quick process. There are disappointments and triumphs for all of us on this issue! I've been at many sides of this, including the waiting with uncertainties, etc. <P>Maybe there is a support group that would help? Your spouse may not have as strong of feelings about this or may not<BR>have a clue how to support you right now.<BR>I think there are infertility groups for people dealing with their desires and grief.<BR>Maybe there are groups for women your age hoping to become pregnant. In my case, I found groups helpful when my baby died; my spouse had his own grief and we could not help each other. That's where a group can help. After that I was told I should not conceive 'cuz I could lose my life. I dealt with my feelings daily for a long time about this until I accepted the unchangeable and found peace. My spouse did not believe in birth control for religious reasons, but was put in a position of forcing himself into this, so we really had a struggle on our hands!!! Support groups can be great help when you and your spouse are not on the same wave-length! The key is to not cut each other down because you are at a different point of feelings and understanding. <P>~Renae

Hello Renae,<BR>Sounds like you've been a lot through life!<P>I sure didn't expect this. I feel really cheated. I never did get to experience the glow of being a newlywed or as yet, of being a mother.<P>You are right about my husband having to grow up. He is the biggest baby I have ever seen. I thought at our age in our early forties, my husband would not be tied to his mother so much...but that is the way she is - she's downright selfish and wants and has her sons dancing around her and all her daughters-in-law are outsiders.<P>I used to tell my husband that all men should be sent to husband training school. and he would say "except him". Because in his mind, he is the greatest husband there ever was. He thinks he has bent over backwards to please me so much that he is now standing on his head. Go figure!<P>Yes, he has done a lot but some of the most important things are lacking in our marriage. I never really had a honeymoon, nor do we get away by ourselves. If we do, he usually gets sick. I feel that he remembers me only when he wants me to do something (I help him out quite a bit in his business doing accounting, research, paying bills, etc.).<P>I really don't have any friends any more that I can talk to about my personal life. And I don't think I want to discuss my problems in a group since we are both in high profile jobs and I would like to keep our problems private.<P>As to sex, my husband says "it's not an important part of life". I believe none of his brothers have sex with their wives anymore.<P>I wanted us to enjoy these first few years of our marriage - but I certainly did not expect to fall down to earth with a thud so soon after our wedding.<P>How are you doing now Renae. Have things improved on your side?

Yes, I have been through alot of tough stuff.<BR>I'm 39 now and just hope I can share something helpful for someone else. If you read what I wrote to Lady_LaNee you will see more about me as well as my own earlier post about Spiritual abuse, that my battle isn't over! <P>Like you, we don't get vacations either, I am trapped at home helping with business and get little appreciation, have little contact with people as I desire, etc. This is partly my spouse's control and also our circumstances (too complicated to explain here.) I didn't have a jolly dating life with my spouse or married life... <BR>One problem upon another constantly for years....<P>But I realized this is life, with good and evil at war, and I need to get equipped for battle by seeking God. I have to let God shape the clay as He knows best. I have to trust God that this all makes sense from eternity's eye. I do realize I have grown so much, for which I thank God.<P>My spouse is 8 yrs. older than I besides alot of other indicators that here was a man of maturity! WRong!!! I left my first boyfriend (who treated me like a Queen) mostly because we weren't spiritually one enough, only to end up with a man whose been terribly dishonoring of me, spiritually and verbally, etc. abusive!!!!!!! This has been devastating to me many times over. <P>It's been 14 years reading everything I can find to figure out what's going on, depressions, despair, struggled to heal,besides all the other circumstances life has handed us. But through it all, I keep sensing inside me...there's a purpose. God wants to work all of this for the good....<P>I never would have planned it this way. Yes, you feel cheated. Yes you wanted a fairytale married life...so did I. But it appears to me that the plan of life is not comfort but growth. Those who fight growth, die spiritually, emotionally, etc. My spouse has been growing but slowly...things aren't as bad as when we first married. <P>Sometimes the ugliest seed turns into a beautiful flower if we do not give up. Other times, it is in learning to let go that growth occurs. <P>My spouse is up in his forties too. He's too immature to see the years of harm he's inflicted on me. Just the other night he confronted me and said "you are seeing elephants on the wall that don't exist. You're creating your own problem!" He calls me distorted, because he's looking out of his own distorted glasses. I know for a fact, he would never endure the pain for me that he has put me through. But that's ok. I have learned how to love and grown in many ways through this pain, and I haven't even seen all that it will produce in the future! <P> Have you read Dan Allendar's book Bold Love?...get it!!! It sure helped my perspective some years ago.<P>Reality is I still am faced with needing to be strong and setting boundaries with my spouse, the person I expected to be safe to become unguarded with. Sometimes I feel very alone. I've decided he's not going to destroy me, because God is on my side. He will make a way through the darkest trials. Hopefully all the polishing will produce a character of gold, and when we get to Heaven we will see "our momentary trials were not worthy to be compared to the glory awaiting us." We must not lose heart!!<P>I have studied my spouse real well. I no longer accept his control game and abuse. Things are quieting down for the first time. They could explode tomorrow. I don't know what will happen at this point, but I know WHO holds me...God. People will fail us, but He is here for me always.<P>Bless you!<BR>Love, Renae<P>

Hello Renae, I am not clear on exactly what the difficulties are between you and your husband.<P>For me, there are four major things:<BR>1) sex - when we first got married, my husband would start to excite me and then just stop. He would go to the washroom, or read a book, or telephone somebody. Or he would talk about other people while we were doing it. Or if the telephone rang, he would stop right in the middle to answer it.<BR>I mentioned it to him many times but to no avail. Also, we would do it only once every two-three weeks. Being a newlywed, I thought at least 2-3 times a week if not more. I got so frustrated that I lost all desire. Now his most romantic kiss is to bite my nose. I have never had him kiss me passionately the way they do on TV. The only consolation is that he still likes to hold me tight while sleeping.<P>2) his brother - he is God to my husband. I think he is a jerk who is an alcoholic and who has a head bigger than his a**. Sometimes I think my husband would dump me if I said anything against his brother (or any of his family). When we go to his house (which we did every weekend the first year we were married), his brother expects me to work in the kitchen like a maid.<P>3) his mother - when we first got married, my husband would be holding me and crying for his mom 'Ma, Ma, Ma...'. Sounded like a goat crying. This stopped when I started saying 'Daddy, Daddy...'! After helping him set up his new office, I walked in one day and saw that he had placed a folding picture holder - one side with an 8x10 of his mother and the other side a picture of himself. That just destroyed me! I had to jump up and down to get him to even take a picture with me. He also had smaller pictures of his mother in his desk drawer and filing cabinet, etc. He also put one in our bedroom but I put it away. I didn't want her staring at us in bed. The day I was expecting the results from IVF, he said that he was missing his mom and his brother. He did not even ask how I or the baby was feeling.<P>4) he doesn't always like to tell me if he's going away for the afternoon to visit clients. I feel that we should be sharing everything, especially if he's not going to be in the office for quite a while. If I go anywhere he gets very upset.<P>In the past after any such incidences, we just carried on as if nothing happened. We don't talk about anything to clear the air. We just forget and move on.<P>For the past couple of weeks, I've just been a zombie. He's been trying to reach out to me but I've given up and told him he can do anything he wants and he can come and go as he pleases. I just don't care anymore.<P>Last night I was reading Dr. Harley's basic concepts on the internet and my husband got very upset. He asked why I was doing this and where was I going to drag him this time. Guess he doesn't see the need for counselling.<P>I don't know why I die inside whenever he talks about missing his mom or brother or puts them on a pedestal. I need to learn how to accept this and not get angry and withdrawn. How can I resolve this.<P>

Hi again!<BR>About me--You can read my answer to [censored] under my other post on Spiritual abuse. This is not the usual set of marriage hang-ups I'm dealing with, but spiritual/religious/ emotional/control/abuse problems in my spouse. It's more like getting untangled from a cult.<P>About your situation...I think men often have a special love connection with their mothers while daughters get more hooked on dad (in general, but exceptions). I haven't read it, but here's a book you might find interesting: (see this from ChristianBookDistributors.com<BR>and click on marriage book bargains in the lower right-hand corner) Hey, this book is on sale!!<P>The Other Woman in Your Marriage<BR> By: H. Norman Wright<BR> <BR> Retail Price: $16.99<BR> CBD Price: $1.95<BR> <BR> Availability: Available to ship within 24-48 hours.<BR>Description: Learn to understand that "other woman''---your mother-in-law. In this illuminating book, Wright helps you understand a mother's impact on her son and how it affects your marriage. You'll also learn practical ways to establish healthy boundaries with your families. <P>Sounds like it could be helpful????<BR> <BR>Yet it seems your spouse is stuck, maybe in his past, maybe due to unresolved grief with his father's death that he clings to his mother, etc.??? Maybe it gives him security.<P>Maybe he is a bit of a controller like my spouse too?...I hear some anger, and he<BR>"won't let me go somewhere.."..."don't talk about anything to clear the air" (no conflict resolution--a controller doesn't care if you get anything resolved, only that things are under his control and he's happy.) <P>Sounds like you are suffering from lack of intimacy as I am. My spouse is so in tune to how his dad feels all the time but has not a clue how I feel and rarely asks me. <P>Like yours, my spouse also only remembers me when there's something to do... but then to a certain extent that's men too...they are more "do and conquer" oriented, while women tend to want to enjoy the process and relationship while we are doing something. But with my spouse this goes too far, and with yours also.<P>Consult with a counselor as to what it could be and what to do about it. I think you have reason to be concerned about him and what his mother obsession is doing to you and your marriage.<P>~Renae <P>[This message has been edited by Renae (edited July 20, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by Renae (edited July 21, 2000).]

Hi Lonelywife,<BR>I'm waiting to hear from you! How are you doing? Did you check out Wright's book that I suggested to see if it is helpful to your situation?<P>Did you get a chance to read my LONG post to [censored] under my Spiritual Abuse posting? Lots of detail there about my situation. <P>Wishing you progress!<BR>((((((Hugs to YOU)))))))<BR>~Renae

Hello Renae,<BR>I've been like a zombie for the last two weeks since the IVF failed. Not so much because the IVF failed but because my husband was crying for his mom and not for me and my baby.<P>I have come to the point in my life where my dreams of marriage have been shattered but I have accepted it.<P>Separation/divorce is not an option for me nor do I want it to be. I am no longer dependent on my husband for happiness. The hunger to be with him for every moment is gone. I will be a dutiful wife and in-law but I will seek my own ways to obtain happiness - I don't mean other men. I lived without sex for over 35 years so I'll continue to live without it.<P>I need emotional support which I now know I will not get from my husband or his family. My husband is a great guy as long as his family and friends don't brainwash him. Any contact with them and he becomes a totally different person.<P>I no longer cry my eyes out. The charm and happiness of being a newlywed is not in my destiny. Neither is sex, nor emotional bonding with others. I will continue to live one day at a time until death comes.<P>Hope things work out for you Renae.

Hi,<BR>Getting over the disappointment with the IVF isn't easy. It is a grief to work through. You are going through alot right now. Hugs to you!!!!<P>Since you don't want separation/divorce, then I hope you can try again to conceive the child you desire. <P>Otherwise, are there other ways of bringing children into your life--adoption, foster care, run a daycare, teach or work with kids in some capacity, or whatever? This helped me when I needed children, though not exactly like giving birth to your own. <P>Is there anyone besides you that could talk to your husband....a pastor, a friend, etc.<BR>Someone who could encourage him to do what he's not doing for you?<P>There must be a better solution for both of us.... <P>Just know you are a special person even if others don't treat you as you should be.<BR>You sound determined (good for you!)to not let this victimize you, but you will LIVE regardless! Until something better happens, hang on. I do believe in faith something will break through for us!!!!!<BR>Love and prayers,<BR>Renae

Thank you for your caring note under the spiritual abuse post! <p>[This message has been edited by Renae (edited July 26, 2000).]

Thanks Renae,<P>I added a note under your post. I also put another post under emotional needs.<P>Hope things are better for you. Take care.

Well, I think I've come to the point where I am ready to leave H.<P>Yesterday he said I treated him like a servant - because he cooks a couple of times a month and cleans up every other month. He forgets that I am his slave - I set up his business, his office furniture, look after the accounting and research, pick up after him, massage him almost every night, as well as hold a full time job where I make 2-3 times the money he does. I was so mad, I haven't stopped crying yet.<P>I think this is all because he is still crying for his mother. He wants her to come stay with us. The problem is he doesn't tell me these things outright but makes me guess. The last time his mother was here(a few months after we got married), he ran away and we almost got divorced. The thing that bothers me most about his family is that they treat me like a non-entity. <P>She's got three married sons and a married daughter who live with her and dance around her but my husband thinks no one is taking care of her. If she comes to stay with us, I'll have to quit and cook all day for her - her favourite hobbies are eating and talking. She won't eat leftovers or anything cold. His whole family is woe-be-me. I want to be around happy people, not criers. Every time any of his family members talk to him, he gets depressed and takes it out on me but he won't tell me what the matter is even when I ask.<P>But I cannot say anything to H about his family. He turns it around and gets mad at me and blames me for everything. And then I get upset with H and fall out of love with him and withdraw into a shell.<P>I am tired of going round and round it circles. I just want out.

Lonelywife,<BR>I'm sorry you are experiencing such frustration with him that you want to leave.<P>Is this man a Christian, who desires to live by scripture? When God created marriage,He said both spouses were to LEAVE father and mother and CLEAVE to their spouse and become one flesh. This leaving and cleaving involves giving emotional/relational priority to the spouse, and less involvement with parents and siblings! What your spouse is doing in honoring his family first and giving you too little sex & affection is a violation of scripture, God's blueprint for marriage. Marriage cannot succeed unless both are willing to do it as God created it to work!<P>I still think you need to have your pastor or counselor get involved so that your spouse is accountable to someone and encouraged to grow up!! <P>I just re-read your earlier posts and one thing caught my attention, that he still hugs you while sleeping. I think that is so cute!!!! It makes me think there is still some hope for this man and your relationship.<BR>To me it shows some level of bonding, of affection, of needing you and loving you?<BR>Does he ever express things like, you're beautiful or compliment anything about you or what you do?<P>I am also wondering about his personality type and how that affects your relationship together. Have you read Florence Littaur's books such as Personality Plus? <P>Post an update soon!<BR>Praying for progress for you,<BR>Renae<BR>

Good grief! I swear you're talking about me! I can understand everything you're saying because I'm living it too! Just be glad that you aren't living with them.....that's a whole different kind of hell, one that I hope you'll never have to experience like I do.<P>------------------<BR>there will be no more signature

I am so thankful that I am not alone! That sounds bad but I thought I was the only wife that has to deal with this. (I am sorry you or anyone has to deal with this!) <BR>My husband of 2 years is the oldest of 3 and he just lost his father 3 months ago. He has always been close to his parents and lived with them for a short time while we were seperated. Now he still lives with his mom and wants us to divorce. I've told him it is wrong and it hurts us when he puts his parents first and now he says it will be too hard on me so he is letting me go. Now he says that he fell out of with me a month ago or so. He says that if it was true love, then it wouldn't have faded so quickly. I said that all of his feelings of grief and anger have not allowed him to feel the good things in his life. (Maybe I am wrong!) I don't want to go through my life and deal with this everyday. I am sorry that you have to deal with this, too!