Saw Ex with wedding band on today - it's silver, ours was gold. Actually it's probably platinum - Ex has expensive tastes and OW is always trying to kiss up.

Yes, I know he is a child in a man's body.

Yes, I know he treated me like s**t.

Yes, I know he treated the kids like s**t.

Yes, I know that I never want to be married to him again.

Yes, I know that there is someone else out there infinitely better for me.

Yes, I know I'm a better person, mother, friend, daughter, etc.

Yes, I know I should be focuising on How to make the situation better, not WHY did this happen, but

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY,
with 4 kids WHY?

WHY did Ex have to be so emotionally stunted?

WHY does Ex have to act like such a jerk?

Yes, sin is out there and it happens. It just isn't fair!

And now I have to spend the next month preparing for a court battle with Ex, which is sure to cost big bucks - instead of enjoying my family.

I want to raise my kids! I don't want to go back to work now.

Why put in 9 months of being pregnant when someone else gets to raise your child?!?!?

I feel like this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

It's also no fun being the adult one in this situation. I want to be taken care of for once. And it looks like I haven't been taken care of for probably most of my marriage - so I'm long over due.

Hopefully this will be one of my last pity parties, as I have neither the time nor the strength to waste on Ex.

Thanks for the vent. K

GIIC - Ok you deserve to have a pity party don't worry about it - frankly I don't know how you are doing it.. It must have been very difficult to see that ring on his finger - You know that is my worst fear that my soon to be ex will marry someone else or be with someone else again - even though most of the time I know he doesn't deserve me to think about them. Sometime in the future hopefully they will come to the realization of what they did - it is funny that they can justify their actions in their mind and we just look at them like they ar so twisted - and you know what they are - You just go to court tell the real story - hold your head up high and don't let them get the better of you - I mean you have done nothing wrong no matter what he has said. And you should not worry about putting your children in daycare they will be fine - It won't be someone else raising them - you are their mother and they will be become very independent children - So don't worry.... I will be thinking of you and hoping you wake up happy tomorrow - looking towards the future....

GIIC, I hope you've got a great lawyer who can take that SOB for everything that your kids deserve to have! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Sorry, I do feel for you and your situation. Perhaps it can be worked out that you will be able to stay home for awhile longer if the judge is empathetic. It seems to me that any human being would look down on a guy who leaves his wife and 4 kids, one being a small infant. And the fact that he has already remarried! Sheesh! What a scumbag! Hang in there, be strong and FIGHT for your kids! C

maw64 - Thanks for the encouraging words. I know the'll be fine in daycare, it's just not fair to do all the work and get gipped out of reaping the benefits. What has this workd come to?!??

Firefly10 - Yes, I now have a super duper lawyer, one of the best in the city. If he can't get things straightened out then I don't know who can. I'm still living day by day.

I'm feeling a bit better. Had a really good time with kids when they got home from dinner with dad. We danced to music and wrestled and had a great prayer time as a family. God still manages to throw in those little ups when I'm feeling down. Thanks God. I'm hangin' in there - by a thread sometimes, but I'm still hangin' in.

K

God is in Control,

A friend helped me with a similar situation this weekend . I too do not want to work (FT at a job) right now I work PT out of my home and love it. My friend said " Don't you think God knows what is best for you and your kids ? Do you think He wants you to work and be unailable to your kids?" My answer was no. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> She then replied " Then let it go and leave it in HIs hands and stop playing God." That doesn't mean pray and not do anything, but that be still and know it is him and act on that accordingly.

God will Bless you and your kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
D.

GIIC,

We are entitled to a few pity parties, and yours have been pretty fare and few!!!!

I hope things start getting better for you, You are an Awesome child of God's and he loves you and will bring great things into your life.

How is it that you are divorced and now have to go to court!!!

Keep the Faith and keep strong!!!
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I feel exactly like you do sometimes. WHY me? My friends don't have husbands that abandoned them. My children's friends don't have fathers that left. WHY does it seem like he got everything he wanted and I'm left picking up the pieces and trying desperately to make everything ok for my kids. WHY is someone that hurt so many people the one that is remarried and living the life he always wanted? WHY did God let all this happen? Same as you, I know all the "I'm a better mother, person, child of God" stuff, and I truly believe it. But WHY couldn't I just have a husband who loved me and meant his vows? WHY am I single mother of 3 children? WHY did I waste 11 years of my life (8 years married) putting him first and me last? It obviously meant nothing to him. So should I not do that next time? It goes against my nature not to. My ex H never took care of me either, and I'm not holding my breath to find someone who will. Anyway, this turned into another rambling vent about me, when I meant to tell you I'm thinking of you and share your feelings! Have a great night, and isn't it good we have God!

Krista

(praying...praying..praying for you...)

Hi K-

My thoughts and prayers go out to you. This definately isn't easy. You have been and continue to be a real trooper through all of this. You have played fair even when your X has made it nearly impossible.

It must have been hard to see the ring. My X is now engaged to the OW. It looks to be a long engagement, but who knows. I truly don't care, but it has taken me time to get to this place, time your X hasn't allowed you.

I can totally relate to your feelings of anger, sadness, frustration. I have been there and still go there although not nearly as much. I too don't want my X back, but I do feel badly that things came to this, especially for the kids. I also realize that I am healthier without my X because he had problems and they were draining me. I think you can totally relate to this. It is so emotionally draining to be with someone who for issues of their own is emotionally unavailable. You are right, we do deserve better and you will meet someone when you least expect it. I have shared my story with you and believe totally that your day is coming. Hang in there!

Take care and God bless!

K

Can I ever relate. I just plain stinks! I think we all end up feeling the same way. Abandoned by the one you loved and still probably love. Hurt by the lies and deciet and the hurtful things that are said. Your life ripped apart and not really knowing which way to turn - it just stinks!

But I will tell you, it doesnt matter if you have a job outside of the house or not. I work, make very good money, but it is never enough. I am struggling to keep the house for the childrens sake, but have to give half the equity to WXW and am finding it difficult to even get a loan to refinance - I will owe too much according to them.

The savings is gone due to the Ls and I seem to spend all my time picking up after the 4 kids - they dont seem to care about anyone but themselves. WXW has brought them close to OM who is a physican and plenty of $ except what he had to pay his X over this which is substantial. But certainly more $ between them than I have. They both buy the childrens love and they seem closer to my children than I am.

My job has suffered through this and I am afraid of what will happen there too.

It is just so hard to understand why I must suffer so much when she was the one who lied, cheated, stole, decieved and tore the family apart.

It just plain stinks!!!

Dont even know what to do anymore, except to pray and try to stay obedient even though the anger ends up making me a bit uncooperative.

I thank God for his correction and his grace through Jesus but it is so hard and so hurtfull. I am so tired and empty inside.

Sorry for the dump, but feeling pretty broken right now.

JC

GIIC-

My xh and his ow got married almost three weeks ago and I asked myself all of those questions too. My xh told me they were talking about getting married a month after our D was final. They didn't waste time at all either.

I ask myself why too but I am very happy to say that three weeks down the road the questions aren't there all of the time anymore. I honestly couldn't see myself getting past the day they got married but I did and I have. I don't ever want to be married to my xh again but I still feel betrayed. I made the vow "for better, for worse" and I meant it, obviously he didn't. When he told me he and his ow were going to start dating while we were separated that was the final straw, it was time to look out for me and my children. I hate that this happened to my children but then I look at the emotional baggage of their father and I know this is for the best.

I see my children in a different light now, I see myself in a different light now. We are so much more happier now than we ever were. There was too much of an unhealthy atmosphere in our home. I believe you will see this with your family too if you haven't already. I know that everything happens for a reason and I also know that God hates divorce but I feel that my xh and I are divorced for a reason and I pray everynight that God will guide me because I have no idea where I am going.

Daycare isn't all that bad either. I hate having to put my children in it but I have to work now and I don't have a choice. I had my family to help out though because I refused to take my children to just any daycare. I did alot of checking up and pop-in visits and I am very happy with my choice. Just pray, God will lead you in the right direction.

You know something, come to mention it, since my xh has remarried I haven't even noticed his wedding band. Wow! I really must be on the way to moving on with my life! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You will get through this even stronger than before. I have gained so much strength through all of this and I like myself better now. I used to be such a weak person and now I gain strength every day and I feel good about it.

God Bless You and Your Family & will keep you and your family in my prayers,
Kathy

I definately agree with you kathy, I am definately a stronger and better person from all this, and i definately know what i would never put up with again with someone else.
The best thing that came out of the "so called" marriage are my 2 precious boys <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I still have good days and bad days, i have had a hard time letting go in the process. Each day is getting better though. I would never want my x back the way he is, NEVER>
He too is already in a relationship, which has bothered me. Don't know if he will ever resort to marriage again, he hated being "married". Too much commitment for him!! He cheated on me for years!! And from what i have heard, he is doing the same thing to this woman.