Hi, all

This was my second marriage. I always thought that it would be my last. Now it is ending and I don't know what to do. I still love my wife with all my heart, I would do ANYTHING to make things right again. She is not willing to try anymore and wants our marriage to end. All I have ever wanted is to have a family, and be a good provider for them. I would have given up everything to keep us together, career, school, friends, anything. Acually I have done this. After her affairs I knew that if we were going to have any chance of getting better we had to leave the area where we lived, and start anew. That is how important family is to me.

She has said that someday we may get back together. Am I a fool for holding on to this hope?? I don't want anyone else, I never have. And the Idea of starting over again is just too overwhelming. The way I feel now I would wait for as long as it takes. Just very depressed, and feeling very alone right now.

Jason

<small>[ August 13, 2002, 11:33 AM: Message edited by: unseen2 ]</small>

It sounds like your "WW" is into another "A".
You didn't state if she is having another "A" or if she just wants out of the "M".
Your post states "another move on post", but it appears you don't want to move on.
It appears you have been doing a good Plan A.
Are you still working your Plan A?
I can't really give you much help, as I am not familiar with your situation.
Elaborate more on your situation if you could.
For the moment, I would try to do something nice for her, that would catch her off-guard... something she isn't expecting.
Hopefully that may get her attention, and you can start rebuilding your "M" from there.
Just a thought.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi,

Sorry, should have given more details...

Short version, About three years ago my wife had two P affairs. After about 4 mon of leaving and comming back she decided to leave with me, out of the state. Since then we have struggled with her guilt over what she had done and with the anger and resentment that I had. I feel that we did not deal with either issue as well as we should have. I have finally purged the bad feelings, longer letting them control me. She says she has forgiven her self for the things she did.

In the process however she has decided that she would be better on her own. Well that is where we are now I still love her very much, and I know she still loves me but is unwilling to take the chance of being hurt again. As I have said before I will do anything to make things right for her again, I just need the chance. And she needs the time to get her self right also.

Thanks,
Jason

Is Your "W" in an "EA" now?
I noticed in your signature line that you state, "EA" just prior to asking for "D".
Is this happening now? Is she asking for a "D"?
In your post you state that she says, "that she would be better on her own". and that she has forgiven herself.
This sounds like the words of a "WS" that may currently be in an "A".
If you are not in Plan A, I would start back up asap, if you want to salvage your "M".
It sounds as there is much more going on here than meets the eye.
Is she planning on taking your child with her?
Still need more info on this, as I sense there is some major gaps that need to be filled.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Wallace,

She says that nothing is happening. From the facts that I know of I believe her. She has learned what that kind of behavior an do to herself, and just from a self preservation point of view I don't think she would. Also, I know the guy...he is a coward he would'nt do anything just out of fear of me.

I think that she has felt this way for a while, and she feels that she is too far gone at this point to try and make things work.

I think that two factors in her decision are 1; she really never has been on her own before and she needs to prove to herself that she can do it and 2; her mother is on marriage 5 or 6, so needless to say she does not have the best role model as to how to react to problems in a marriage. There are other problems, I am not a saint but I am willing to change , to make things right.

She wants to be the custodial parent. I do have some worries, but she is a good mother and I trust her with him. Besides we live within walking distance of each other so I see him all the time.

She says that she does not want anyone else but me but she can't be with me anymore. She also says that there is a posibility of us someday getting back together.

I am hoping that once she has had some more counseling and more time that she will come back.

??????

Thanks,
Jason

O.k., the picture is becoming a little more clearer now.
My STBXW said similiar things such as yours... she has been gone for 4 months and counting with no contact at all and a "D" pending which I filed.
She had multiple "A", and resumed having them again when she left this last time.
I have all three of my children.
I did not get a chance to do a Plan A.
Did I want to let go... no.
But I had to make some strong decisions.
You are still communicating with your "W" and that is good.
I'm assuming you are familiar with the Harley principals based on your member#.
See if you and your "W" can get into counseling with them and start applying their principals to your "M".
To answer your earlier question, "am I a fool for holding on to this hope"?
No, if you want your "M' as bad as you say you do, then I would start working even harder on it.
Communicate, comunicate,communicate, with your "W" without any "LB's (Plan A) and work a vey hard plan A, and get into counseling with your "W", don't let her do it by herself.
If she will let you participate in counseling with her... then by all means do it.
It's not over until you say it's over.
That's my 2 cents worth.
Stay Strong!
Wallace