Sorry, I was going to add this too but forgot! I go to counseling and I try to understand my H and his family but I can't! I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, maybe we will understand someday. <BR>I do agree that one reason they act this way is because they haven't seen a truly happy marriage. I know my husband did not! I think they all have a warped sense of how things are supposed to work! We have a 17 month old son and he thinks that divorce will not affect him. I know he knows better, though. Something that bothers me, too is that I have talked to his mom a lot and I have found out that her whole marriage was like ours. She was like my husband and I was like my father-in-law. 6 months bafore his dad got killed, he said, after 24 years of marriage, he can not go in like that. Everything changed and they were like newlyweds, again. She said she felt so bad, that after all that time, she finally understood all the pain she put him through. How can she stand by and watch this and think it is all o.k. But I think he feels like he is so obligated to her that he won't be with me. It seems funny, when she was standing right there, he said, look, I don't love you anymore. He will sometimes kiss me in private but around her, he will push me away everytime! It is almost like he doesn't want her to know that he could possibly be happy without her. It is like, "don't worry mom, as long as you are unhappy, I will be, too." I don't know what to do. Do you guys knw anything that works? I mean, I am doing it all alone and he lives with his mom, so it is really hard to do it when he won't give me the time of day. One last thought, I think he thinks I will be mad, because he knows he is wrong, if he tells me anything about him and his mom. I ask him to go out and eat or go to the movies and he says he doesn't feel like it. Then he goes and does it with his mom! Don't you guys want to just yell at you mother-in-laws, too? She makes me so mad!!!

Lonelywife,<BR>Please post an update to let us know how you are doing! You are in my thoughts and prayers! <P>I was reminded recently of the verses in Matt.17:15-17 about the process of dealing with someone who continually sins against you. I think this applies to your situation and mine regarding our spouses. They are committing sins of omission (neglect of husband's Biblical responsibilities) and commission (abuse, etc.). <P>Based on this, I have found another Biblical<BR>counselor who can confront my spouse. This is the only option I see left for me short of separation. <P>Love to you,<BR>Renae<P>

Hello Renae,<P>I was unable to reply for a while since I was recuperating from surgery.<P>Things have turn around for me for now. My H has been plan Aing me for a while now.<P>He only mentioned his mom once about wanting to spend the next big holiday with her (she is in her 80s and lives overseas). I told him he could go but it was not possible for both of us to go at the same time - since we just went last year - and it's without pay for both of us. So he said ok, maybe next year.<P>As I said earlier, he is a wonderful guy except when his family talks to him and makes him go crazy. They are constantly crying to him and are very negative. Yet they think they are very educated, cultured and sophisticated people.<P>I am happy that we are in sync again but I dread the next time he goes crazy and I go into depression again. I don't know how to get out of this cycle.<P>Part of the problem is that I cannot express my feelings to anybody, especially H. He also does not talk about his feelings very much. I guess we are wary about hurting each other's feelings and end up hurting each other even more.<P>Good luck to you Renae.

I wrote in my thread, then found you have written here in yours! Glad to hear you and your spouse are more in sync again!! <BR>Though you may not be sharing too openly about all your feelings, it sounds like you both care enough about each other and the relationship to not upset each other. That is positive! (I don't experience this in my relationship; he said last night he has a right to say whatever he wants no matter how I feel about it.)<P>Are you still thinking about getting counseling, though, at some point in hopes of fully resolving the inlaw problems, etc.?<BR>Seems to me that your good times could get better if you had this resolved and not have this worry festering underneathe, wondering when the cycle will repeat. <P>I believe the solution can come for you two!<BR>You seem to have a precious bond inspite of<BR>the problem. <P>Praying for you,<BR>Renae

Hi dear friend!<BR>Just wondering how you're doing since the surgery, and since you last updated this thread?....still in sync with your hubby or riding the waves?? Hope there is progress!<BR>How have you been feeling? Just want you to know I care about you!!<P>Prayers and hugs,<BR>Renae<BR>

Thanks Renae.<P>For the past few weeks, things have been rather quiet. I have recovered from the surgery and hoping that I can start a second IVF cycle very soon.<P>My husband is the biggest baby in the world. He forgets that sometimes I need some comforting too. It seems that I always have to be the strong one.<P>I think it's when my husband gets really stressed out, especially when I get busy and can't give him the attention he needs, that he starts worrying about his family. It also happens whenever his family talks to him. For the past year, it's been mostly by phone because we've been too busy to visit them or invite them over.<P>I think his family makes him feel guilty (e.g. I carried you for nine months so you owe me! complex) that he's doing well now but he doesn't take care of them. My opinion is that:<BR>- my husband is the youngest - all his siblings having been working forever whereas he only started a few years ago.<BR>- I helped him financially, emotionally, and morally to establish himself. His family thought he was going to end up being a nothing.<BR>- my husband has some money set aside which is used for looking after his mother.<P>I don't think he owes his family anything but I guess they think otherwise.<P>His brother has had shouting matches with me (where he is the one shouting) over money matters. I think it all boils down to money. However, I have worked hard for my money and I don't want to spend it on them, I'd rather spend it on my husband and myself and hopefully our little ones, when they come.<P>It's only when my husband goes crazy, that I go crazy too. But fortunately, these occurrences are happening less and less. I think he is realizing who is really on his side.<P>I guess the reality will come out when my husband is no longer financially dependent on me.<P>Hope things are better for you too Renae.