I know that LostHusband has bigger troubles than I; I know that Lucks has bigger troubles than I; I know that many people have bigger troubles than I, but I am scared and lonely.

I had to speak to stbxw today regarding taxes, land and divorce. Talking with her was so good and so bad at the same time. I acted so casual, as if I had not a care that she had left, yet I was dying through the entire conversation. The sound of her voice, her laugh...yes, she can laugh...cut through me like a million razor-shards of broken glass...............

I know that the bad stuff is not over. I know that the worst is yet to come. I do not know how to prepare for it. I wish I knew how to fight the new and terrible things that are coming towards me, those things which I have a gut feeling are coming.

My friends have been telling me for twenty years that good things are just around the corner. When they tell me that now, I have to keep myself from throwing up, because I know that good things are NOT coming my way. It is too long a story, but the wait has been too long, the end of troubles, big troubles, has never come, and I merely want the strength to deal with the next big thing that hits me on the head.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

c++,

Check this out for some inspiration....

My original saga is over on GQII. For a brief summary, here we go:

04/27 WW walks out
05/01 Discover WW's 2-year long affair
06/04 WW files for DV -- Defintely over
06/05 I go dark -- Plan B
07/01 I find out WW still seeing OM regularly
07/02 WW absolutely has NO desire for our M
07/19 WW finds out OM's wife just now pregnant
07/29 WW files for bifurcation. Wants DV NOW!
08/12 WW standing at doorway crying -- says she misses the cats. She stays 5 hours--We talk. Most radical honest conversation we EVER had in 15 years!
08/15 Bifurcation hearing. WW doesn't show up. Nothing changed. DV not gong to speed up after all. Late evening--WW shows up at door again, this time with her S's child. I am Godparent of him. Hadn't seen him in 4 months. We talk radically honest for an hour or so. She and OM been over since OMW is pregnant. WW SEVERELY pi$$ed at OM. Says he "wrecked" her life.

Anyway, here is the thing. WW was VERY remorseful. Even after I admitted my part in the demise by not showing enough attention, WW tells me rather sternly that actually, SHE SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME! This woman may be pulling my chain, but I really don't think so. She is cautious around me. Said I had NOTHING to do with this. ALL HER FAULT!

She says that there is no way I could ever love her again. Things will never be the same.

But....her talking here...."IF this Dv goes through, I want us to remain very close. I want you to understand that even IF we get DV'ed, I want no other. I want to be close to you." (She is telling herself that by Dv'ing, it would be a new start}

The thing is, I was VERY ready to move on. I had given up. WW was heading for DV at a fast pace (we have no children). Was still seeing OM. For all practical purposes, my M was over, BIG TIME over.

Boy, has this rattled me. NEVER would have thought.....

Hope is free...Doesn't cost a thing, and you don't lose anything if it comes to pass.

Think about it......

HCII

Sorry to hear you're in such a funk. I haven't yet dealt with dividing possessions, although I did deal with some taxes today. YUK is all I have to say. The taxes were the easy part.

I apologize for not remembering which verse I'm thinking of, but the gist is having faith that God wants us to prosper, that He wishes no harm to us. I need to start taking notes when listen to the radio as I drive.

Why are you so convinced things are going to get worse? Are you leaving room in your mind for good things to enter? I've had a pretty good month since reading a book by Stormie Omartian. A chapter on surrendering our dreams, our hopes, our pain and our disappointments sent me reeling. It's hard to set things down and not snatch them back immediately. I had surrendered my dreams quite some time ago, but I was surprised when I realized how tightly I clung to my pain and found it difficult to let go. Seems crazy, but it's true.

up

ccguy: I echo your feelings exactly. I, too, had to deal with taxes this week. My stbxh refuses to even speak to me so everything is through accountants and lawyers. I think he refuses to speak to me because of guilt and shame.

All my friends and family tell me I am better off without him, and, the shape he is in now, it is true. He has really messed up his life and it is a life I could never be involved with again due to some of his actions and the consequences. However, I keep having flashbacks of the good times we had and it hurts so much. None of what he did was necessary and that hurts a lot too.

As you said, loneliness is tough. And it is so scary thinking about starting over. I thought my life was set, as you probably did too. I guess we both just have to hunker down, get a grip, and wait for the storms to pass. Hang in there.

(((((((((( c++ )))))))))))))

I left a little space so that no one would get the wrong impression. The only secret strength that I can tell you about is that which comes from within yourself through your Saviour.

The good things that are around the corner are there for all of us but you have to turn the corner to receive them. You've seen me in my little pity party, and believe me, yesterday I was about as low as I've been. Then I talked to friend, seeking help and advise, that friend told me to "figure it out". He also told me that "life will work out". Sometimes it's not always as we wish but it will work out.

May the good Lord grant you the wisdom to "turn the corner".

Dear hcii,lonesome heart,Fingers1258,LostHusband:

I literally do not know what to say except Thank you.

Being without words, it is difficult to express my gratitude to all of you. I am not alone, but it sure feels lonely!

I am trying to figure it out. Jesus, please don't fail me now.

Thank you, my friends,
c++_guy

Hey C++ guy, I'm a C++ guy too.
My wife left me a month ago, and I feel the same way.

Try to find solace in the fact that you can't do anything about stuff that is out of your control.
You don't have to stop loving her. You don't have to give up hope.

My world seems dire. But at the same time, hope is eternal. Maybe we will get back together. Maybe I'll eventually find happiness somewhere else. I've already got several hot ladies out there offering to "help out". It means very little compared to my wife, but hey-- I'm not a leper!

Stay strong, stay happy, don't freak on things you can't control. That's all you can do!

c++guy: My heart goes out to you. I have been feeling down this week myself. I like what EasyE says: you don't have to give up hope and you don't have to stop loving her.

I hope you have a good weekend and try to keep busy. I am going to do the same.

Dear EazyE and Fingers1258,

Today is a little better, because I am writing code(In VB 6, this time) for a small project that needs doing.

Taking things day by day is tough for me; I just want to see the end of this and find some real peace.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers and I am thinking and praying for you, too.

Thank you,
God Bless you,
c++_guy

C++ -

Still working on my case - must turn in Monday at latest though. Hopefully that once I've finished what I'm doing, that will be it, and the new attorney can run with it!

I thought I'd take a break and check in on my MB friends and I read your post!

1. Yes everyone has troubles on this board, but that's why we're here. And nobody's are really worse than anybody's elses because it all STINKS!

2. It's ok to have a down day or two or three or a week - you're going through HE double hockey sticks right now.

3. Where exactly do you think you are living right now? We're not in heaven my friend. And here on earth troubles abound. Life is never going to be a cake walk. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Sorry to break this to you now. (But Santa Claus is real. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) It's going to be a series of events that take us closer or further from God. The beauty of it is, is that when we walk with God He blinds us to all those troubles.

3. How? Well. Keep your focus on Jesus - as Peter did when he got out of the boat and started walking on water and the storm was raging all around. There are many storms in our lives, but keep focused on Jesus and you won't even notice that they are going on around you. I just love this analogy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

4. Also, and I've been having trouble with this myself lately, God does not like for us to be in pain, and any thoughts of more pain in the future are NOT coming from Him. God allows pain for a purpose, and even then He helps us as much as He can through the valleys as long as we're faithful and we keeping asking for his help. Don't lose HOPE. Don't lose HOPE. Maybe you're wife will not come back, maybe she will, only God knows. But don't lose HOPE in that God is doing exactly what needs to be done to get YOU and her to heaven. Remember Jesus said that He came to divide families, mother against son and father against daugter(or something like that, typical Catholic, can't quote scripture - but I've got the gist) God is going to try to reach everyone and get them all to turn to Him, but some people aren't listening - like say my Ex H who is now publicly living in sin now that he's married outside the church.

God wants good things for you, and sometimes you have to be a cup is half full instead of a cup half empty kind of guy. God's always there. The graces and blessings are there, you just have to use them, and if you don't know how, just ask the Man uptairs for a little help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Remeber, Mary says to keep praying until it becomes a joy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

And that's my sermon for you for today, I'm not usually this blunt, but you already got so much hugs and support from everyone else that I though that you were ready for a little heart ot heart.

I'll have more time to chat once I finally get all my court stuff done. Break's over again.

HANG IN THERE! K

<small>[ August 17, 2002, 12:47 PM: Message edited by: God is in Control ]</small>