X from hell update!

My son called me today from a phone booth while camping. He told me that this is the first time since June that he has had the chance to get to a phone. He told me that his mother has not let him use the phone out of her earshot to keep him from calling me. She has taken his e-mail account away from him and has put a keyboard spy on the computer. She gained access to his hotmail account and read his e-mails to me. He told me that the last e-mail that he wrote to me he did while she watched and told him what to write. He told me that he loved me and that he was sorry for not calling sooner. He said that as soon as he has internet access at school that he will start writing again under a new account that she won't know about.

<small>[ August 28, 2002, 10:17 PM: Message edited by: goldduster ]</small>

Goldduster...thank God he called! What a relief...but then again what a heartbreaking call.

Suggestions... record and document everything. Continue communications with your son. I have resorted to talking to the school counselor. She's been watching out for my son and also gives him the opportunity to contact me if he wishes (he can call out, but difficult talking to me with Dad hanging onto every word...it's "What did you say THAT to her for? What did she say when you said...?")

Write to him... don't email since she can see what he writes. Send your letter registered mail to him (or whatever your post office does down there that requires HIM to sign for it and you get a copy of his signature). Tell him that you love him and make sure you tell him that it's OK that he doesn't contact you...and that it's ok for him to contact you when he is able to. Make it a safe environment for you.

THEN....call your lawyer. Sounds to me that a court Order is calling out your son's name. Sorry...but no one should be keeping their kids from a parent (unless that is there is proof that the parent is abusing the child).

Thanks for the update...good news! (PS...mine was here yesterday to pick up his sister...he gave me a hug and kiss and told me he loved me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ... wish I could see him more!)

Good news about the phone call! Elan has good points, document everything and make a phone call to your lawyer. It may be time to get a child advocate for your son, one that takes his wants and desires to heart, not what either parent may want.

Lori

He is 17 years old and he can't figure out how to contact you if he wants to? He spends every minute of every day under his mother's watchful eye? He never goes to friend's houses, to the library? Never sets foot in a convenience store that sells phone cards? What did he do all summer - no job, no school, nowhere until now where he could access a phone? Sorry, but I don't buy it.

golduster,

Unfortunately I'm not buying this either. Sure you may have initiated D proceedings, but what is causing this tension? People just don't become a certified wackaloon for nothing.

You remarried a year after the D. What is your story? When did you meet your W? This may have alot to do with that. Plus, your kids may not like it either. May know a little too much for their own good. Think it should be like Sgt. Friday and "just the facts". Need more.

Let me tell you, my son is just now 4 and I do not say anything about his dad that would make him upset or hurt. H claims son is fine w/everything, but I remember when he was only 2 and would scream at night for his dad. Can only wonder and pray about what son indeed remembers. I want and encourage his dad to see him and have a very generous visitation schedule for him, although I am primary. get this: pick up my son from preschool 2 weeks ago and he is kinda down. He had just come from a weekend visiting dad. I place him in car seat and we put in our favorite Blues' Clues CD and he asks to talk to me. He then says, "mommy, if you get a gift and not like it, what you do?". I told him to be very kind to that person b/c gifts mean that people like us very much. To thank the person and then let us (parents) handle it from there so we don't hurt the person's feelings. That was all I said to him. His Bday was coming up shortly and I thought some kid gave him a gift he didn't like. He then proceeded to tell me that "Ms. X (OW's name here) sent me a present to daddy. I don't want it, not ever." He then hung his head in shame and looked horribly dejected. My heart bled for him. He, even at barely 4 years fully understood who this OW was and what was going on w/his dad. He doesn't want anything to do with her.

So if kids don't have their own opinions, I rest my case. You don't even need to be in kindergarten to know when they smell poopy. Please encourage a healthy relationship with them and quit the fighting. How many kids do you have and how much child support? I am sorry, but I feel like the others and believe that something is brewing under the surface. Not all BS's or even abandoned spouses are bitter and evil. What did your kids see, hear or think that could lend to this feeling? I can say one thing, I have friends w/teenagers and she is remarried. Her kids are very angry and remain that way to their dad b/c he keeps taking their mom to court to lower child support. It makes the kids feel like they're not worth it. Well, although she's remarried to a great guy with a great job, that is NOT HIS RESPONSIBILITY NOR HIS CHILDREN. That is just not the new spouse's job description. He somehow thinks that this new guy is supposed to just do this. It's enough to have this guy build a new relationship with his stepchildren without him having to pay for another parent's responsibility.

Unfortunately -- there *are* some kids in the world that are controlled by parents believe it or not. I know it's hard to understand unless you live it.

Take me for instance.... it took me 20 years to realize that having to give my husband a blow job for grocery money (sorry to be so graphic) was abusive... It took me that long to realize that him kicking me to *my* side of the bed was abusive (I never slept with any one before). It took me that long to realize that I wasn't stupid, and that I could do things right. (I graduated at the top of my class *after* he repeatedly told me that I wouldn't even be accepted). Meantime, the friends that did continue their friendship (somewhat covertly because the ex hated them) could *see* all of it and couldn't understand why I just didn't leave. After all, I could freely walk out of the house now couldn't I?

You are all entitled to your opinions, but unless you walk a mile in a person's shoes experiencing this, it's pretty hard to discount what they are feeling or experiencing. It's very difficult to *explain* parental poisioning (for lack of better terms) and how a teen reacts or doesn't react, but because a person doesn't believe it doesn't mean it isn't a possibility. I'm living it. I see it. My son is the same age and can freely walk to a pay phone to call me. Sometimes staying with an abusive parent is the safest thing to do, even if that means you have to lock away part of your heart that loves and cares for the other parent.

Do some reading up on the Stockholm Syndrome. Even AFTER the hostages were released, they were willing to testify in court against their captors. Interesting how the human mind works -- best thing about it is we cannot control how another human thinks, including our teenagers.

These two statements appear to be mutually exclusive:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">there *are* some kids in the world that are controlled by parents believe it or not</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">we cannot control how another human thinks, including our teenagers.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No one continues to do something they don't want to do, unless the alternatives are even less attractive.

Nellie1...

If you are threatened, you will *choose* differently than if you weren't.

Hope you are doing well!