LShip -

I'm truly sorry that you find yourself posting opn this board, because it means that you are in a touch situation, but I am also glad that you are posting on this board, because it means that you have found a good source of support and help to get through the tough situation.

"know for a fact he is not cheating on me. He works all the time, and I know his schedule. He works swing shifts, and loves his job-so I know he is not skipping work. When he is not at work, he is home sleeping. I know that he is not taking anyone out because, he doesn't have the money too, and that is one of our biggest problems. The only other place he goes is his sister's and one of his good friend’s houses. I have even drove past places to make sure he was where he said he was. He doesn't have the money to be spending on another woman either. I just don't understand why he won't talk to me or consider working through this."

I hate to say this, but you just described my now ExH, and he was having an affair with someone at work.

You really never see it coming...until it hits you right smack in the middle of the eyes.

You are going through a really tough time right now, but I'd so some super sleuthing, phone records, credit card bills etc. to see it there is anything amiss. For the most part people don't just blow each other off unless there is someone else. You may need the evidence for court.

Right now, you need to try and get a handle on the situation. Don't let your H pressure you into anything you don't want to do, or give up anything that you don't want to lose, like the house.

Make sure that you have a good support system around you of family, friends, counselor, and don't forget to pray.

You may want to try to Plan A for a while as you catch you breath.

Don't think that this is the end of the world. People do change, but right now your spouse seems to be acting very selfishly.

Try to take care of yourself at least for now.

Bump

Thanks for the reply, but I can almost assure you 100% that he is not cheating on me. I don't care what anyone says, I know he is not. I have no choice about the house, it is in his name, and he is not going to make a profit off of it, so he says it is Ok for him to sell it. He hates that he has to sell it, but financially he says he is stressed out. His bills, his diabetes, and me are his 3 main problems right now. This morning was the first time he has said a couple of words to me and that is when he said that he at least had to get away from me. Has that ever helped anyone? Do you think it could help us? I hate the idea of him moving out and moving 1 place and me moving somewhere else. I am trying to be around friends and family, but they don't understand what I am going through. Do some people work things out by being apart??

Dear LShip,

I am a stay at home, homeschool mom and just found out about two months ago my husband was having an affair. I had him on a tight leash. I fully trusted my husband. I did not think he had time for an affair.

Well guess what he was having an affair with a 20 year old little girl during office hours. She worked with him. So while I was at home feeling secure he was at work playing.

It can happen even if you don't expect it. Check up on him.

My husband and I are rebuilding the most wonderful marriage ever. There is so much more to my story you wouldn't even believe.

I just want to encourage you to hang in there. Don't let him make you feel this way. I am suffering from bad depression, but overcoming it day by day. And our gracious father above has been with me through all of this.

I wanted to encourage you to read Surviving an Affair, even if you don't think your husband has had an affair. I wish I had read it when my marriage wasn't going so great. It is a very uplifting book and gives you alot of knowledge about marriages.

God Bless You Always,

Teresa

I will pray for you and your depression. I don't wish this on anyone.

Thanks for the words of Wisdom. I have done checking up on him, ridden by when he says he is at his sisters (where he spends most of the time- since they are new here and they have no friends), and check the phones, and bank records.
I am glad to know there is still hope for us maybe. Did you separate? How did you get him to work with you, or did he want to. I am just hoping and praying. I bought a book called Divorce Busting, and it has been helping me, but I can't make a marriage work by my self. This is hard, really hard, and I know people get through it all the time. But right now- I wonder how to make it til tomorrow. How do I make it through this weekend, with it being our first anniversary? That is what is really weighing on my heart the most right now. I am just hurting. What did you do to get through it?