bad.....im a newbie here sorry for not being able to use the abreviations yet. well here is the story. like most of what i have read here im seperated and have been for 6 months. we lived unhappy for over a year before we seperated and tried just about everything that we could to resolve our problems but they just kept getting worse and worse for us until the day came that we just went our seperate ways. we parted as friends. somehow i feel that this was the first mistake. all in all other than a few fights about property we havent really had anything else to fight about (no kids). my problems just started the other day when husband informed me that he was seeing someone. now its not the fact that he is seeing someone that caused me to loose all senses it was the fact that i know who he is seeing and he stated that while we where married prior to that year where everything fell apart for us he would make all kinds of excuses to go and see her. she was one of his customers. after hearing that i havent been able to get myself together. im sooooo sad and i dont know why. ive read so many of your posts and im really thinking that this friendship thing with the x is not such a good idea and maybe i set myself up for this heart ache? or im also questioning if i feel this way because of the old what does she have that i dont? im all over the place with this post just writing this is tearing me apart and im getting all confused. i know i cant live with this man and we are heading for divorce but im really upset since he told me that. sorry for such a confusing first post i just dont know where else to go and talk to people that are going thru the same awful thing as a divorce.

Welcome to the board, Lizi but I'm so sorry you're here under these circumstances and feeling so badly. Your emotions are understandable...after you're human. I'd really like to know a few more things about your marriage. How old are you and STBXH and how long were you married? What kind of problems were you having? Did you get any counselling? What makes you think that your problems couldn't be solved?

From what you say, your husband was having an affair...whether it was just an EA or more, it's no wonder you were having problems in your marriage. Have you read the concepts? If not, start reading, girl. There are a lot of wonderful people here so keep on posting and tell us what's going on.

lizi,

just dont know where else to go and talk to people that are going thru the same awful thing as a divorce

This is a great place to cry, laugh, rant and rave, ask questions, get answers, get mad <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> , grow, get better, regress a few steps, move forward <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ... you get the idea.

When I first found out, I felt like I was alone in the world. Then I found a email which led me to a website on infidelity. - that shocked me, didn't know such a thing existed ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I am sorry for your circumstances, but these boards have helped so many. Have you read the concepts in this website? Have you read Surviving an affair by W Harley? Please absorb all you can here. No matter what happens in your relationship with your stbxh, you can get through this and you can be a better person because of it.

God Bless,

D.

thank you both for replying. we have been married for 3 years and been together 4 or 5 years. the problems that occured in our marriage are not fixable i know this and have come to deal with it. i just didnt realize i was gonna react so badly to this news of him seeing someone else. especially when he pounded me with "i made every excuse to go and see her" back when there was problems but it wasnt heading in the direction of a separation at all. he and i both have done our damage to each other. it was just very hurtful to find out that he did have feelings for this woman over a year ago and we where still like i said in that lets work it out stage. another thing that keeps running thru my head was that he said he wouldnt sleep with anyone until we got a divorce and thats if we did get one. well 6 months later he is sleeping with and having a relationship with someone else. i just feel like if there was any chance of this ever working out he just completely squashed it. am i wrong? 6 months is not really enough time at all. and how can he say he wants to repair this marriage and then do this? i dont get it. its actally comical if i really think about what has happened in these 6 months. anyone in their right mind would be sitting here with their mouths open just like i have been. i mean he wants to try again repair what we had get back together whatever right but almost right after he left in febuary he has been actively searching and seeking for someone else until bingo he has done it. let me just say that divorce is not what i had in mind for life as nobody on this bb had, but my god i must be crazy for feeling like im missing out on anything with this man! dont get me wrong he is a wonderful person and ill never take that away from him but when it comes to love i mean really loving someone he has no clue nor will he ever have a clue and if this woman he is with is a normal healthy woman in time she will feel that unattachment that i have felt with this man. i need to start living my life and being grateful for what i do have and leave this and these feelings behind me. i must force myself to love life and i know god wont leave me alone forever. he will put someone in my path that is willing to love me back just as much as i can. i have alot to be thankful for and im ashamed that i have lost sight of that lately. my family, my home, my four legged kids, my job, my friends are all there because god has put them there and im thankful for that i really am and maybe i had to walk this path im my life with my husband perhaps to teach him something or to learn something myself. it wasnt a failure or a waste it was just what it was and its over now. he will walk a different path and so will i. we will probably always remain friends and i will be happy for him if he finds what he needs and is looking for. im coming to realize now as i write out my feelings that im upset for various reasons. i cant say that i dont love him cause i do. but i also know these feeling also have to do with the old i dont have anybody and he does. ive read alot here about healing. and i aslo read that one should work on themselves and doing so is part of the healing process and i have been doing just that but this news threw me a curve ball. i paniced and didnt know how to sort out what i was feeling. im now feeling like im on track again in the healing process and all i have to do now is start eating again lol !!! (only kidding) seriously im glad i found this site it has given me the direction i lost a for a few days and if your still reading my babbling god bless you!!!!!
lizi

lizi,

OOOPs - see next post ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ August 25, 2002, 07:18 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

[QB]lizi,

he said he wouldnt sleep with anyone until we got a divorce and thats if we did get one. well 6 months later he is sleeping with and having a relationship with someone else. i just feel like if there was any chance of this ever working out he just completely squashed it. am i wrong?

He didn't give the marriage a viable shot when he was seeing someone else. This happens far too many times at least on these boards and through the works of Marriage Builders we can come to see it as it really is. True recoverey can't start until all contact is stopped.

I can relate to how you feel when you find out that someone you loved lied. LIED. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />



when it comes to love i mean really loving someone he has no clue nor will he ever have a clue

It is a terrible thing to go through, but better to have happened early on and before bringing any kids into the world.

if this woman he is with is a normal healthy woman in time she will feel that unattachment that i have felt with this man

You bet she will.

know god wont leave me alone forever. he will put someone in my path that is willing to love me back just as much as i can.

God has put you in the path of Marriage Builders - this will give you something to measure the men that you date and decide who to get serious with. I wish that I had that early on - would have saved me a lot of heartache.

im glad i found this site it has given me the direction i lost a for a few days and if your still reading my babbling god bless you!!!!!

Consider yourself fortunate if it was only a few days. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

God Bless,

D

<small>[ August 25, 2002, 07:19 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>