I need to vent!

I went to see an attorney on Friday. I left there feeling OK about the separation (we both want it amicable). And I want to help her find a place, car, etc. and I will have the kids.

I just found out from a mutual friend that WS has been having another affair for the past several months with a 24 yr old who drives a BMW. I was so angry I called her at her friends where she is staying (they met at the methadone clinic). WS said they are just friends although there is a "potential" for a further relationship.

I asked her why she cries to everyone about no money (she tells her mother that she is broke and hungry) when she has a rich boyfriend. She snapped that just because he has a nice car does not mean that he has money. I told her I am so tired of all of her lies and hope for once in our 14 years, she would tell the truth. She snapped that I was ruining her evening and to quit stalking her, besides it was me that "kicked her out" (I gave her a choice of losing her friends and get counseling or leave).

I feel now that I do not want to help her with one red cent of aid. She wants this divorce, she's having the affairs (a total of 4 I know of) and she wants me to help pay her rent, car, medical, etc?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Right now I feel like telling her to f___ off and not expect one dime!

Thanks for reading. I needed to vent my spleen. It's funny how you can lose absolutley all respect for someone with whom you vowed to love, honor, blah, blah, blah.

Pete

<small>[ August 25, 2002, 11:12 PM: Message edited by: betrayed_husband ]</small>

What movie is that from?!?!?!?

As for my advice, just remember that your children will be living with her half of the time, so you don't want them to be destitute - but you could put conditions and time limits on things - like a certain amount of $ for spousal support to be gradually be phased out over the next five years or so, so that she has a chance to get some schooling, job, remarried, whatever and get on her feet.

K

GIIC:

The movie was the Godfather when a war broke out between two families.

The thing is I firmly believe she still has a drug problem, and now she admits to drinking a lot (she got too drunk the other night to drive to her friends so she stayed someplace else--hmmmm).

Every excuse she has told me these past four years has turned out to be a lie ("I am not seeing anyone, I am not on drugs, etc."). When finally caught, she always blame me or her dad for all of the problems ("You never fulfill my needs...You're no fun...etc")

She has lost all of her friends, they do not trust her anymore. Everyone (except our kids) thinks that she is an unfit mother. She used out son's name to get an extra perscription of Ritalin for the past 9 months!!

Get the picture?

As Lloyd Bridges said in "Airplane"..."I picked the wrong week to quit smoking" (I did quit and now I wish I didn't!!)

Pete

If she is doing drugs, you obviously don't want to be giving her cash. Have bills sent to you for you handle.

As for the om, don't concern yourself with him, you and your kids mean nothing to him. If you want to save your marriage, your w has to remember the kind you, not the one that is "stalking" her.

I made the same mistakes. I told my then wife that she couldn't date om and live here. This after I found out she was still seeing him after D-day. So she moved out and he followed 2 weeks later. I too gave her hell about om being around the kids. OM and her were going to pickup son from her mothers about 1 week after moving out. There was a lot of screaming that day.

Not long after that, she promised that om wouldn't be around the kids, when I found out she lied, I confronted her at her place of work as she was coming out. I never realized how many police officers hang out at a hospital at night! I was fortunate that I didn't get arrested that night.

So you see, you must control your temper. Be kind when you express your point of view.

Hang in!

Right now, I do not want to save the marriage. I just want her out. I know she is still the kid's mother, but that is as far as I want to take it.

There has been too much betrayal and lying these past 14 years. My mother-in-law told me last night that the bible has stories of spouses taking back their wives. I told her that was only after God spoke to them (I haven't heard His voice tell me to take her back yet, believe me, I have been praying!).

I want to get on with my life--without her...

Pete

but I was in a rush

Maybe you are being told to slow down in life.

I am right there with you BH. While my wife is not on drugs, her repeated lies in an effort to cover her affairs has made me completely loose any last bit of respect that I have ever had for her. If you will have your children full time then count yourself fortunate indeed. I am indeed fortunate to have my children at least 50/50. I wish that I had them more, but that is not to be it seems.

I feel for you when you have to deal with the insanity that accompanies this sort of thing. Sometimes it seems that the other person is so clueless that they can't get past their own selfishness. All I can say in this regard is to think of your children's health and wellbeing. It has helped me tremendously whenever I am faced with whether to once again listen to my wife's stories of financial problems. I pay her almost double what I am required and she still has no respect for that fact nor appreciates my effort. I know that she needs the money, but she still acts like I don't want to help and she is beginning to make me believe that I don't want to help as well. She has no trouble with me working overtime to moonlight, but she refuses to go out and do anything when she has the opportunity because I make much more than she does when I do it. So she sits at home, or secretly goes out with OM and cries poor, waiting for me to fix the problem, rather than to go out and tutor or do something, ANYTHING, that could help her position. She still just waits for me to fix it. She thinks that since she was by me throughout medical school and residency that I owe her now. Well I absolutely feel that she supported me emotionally, but financially, I have more in loans for living expenses dirung that time than she made during that time.

I am of the position that her repeated infidelity and the way that she went about it pretty much makes all of her "support" weigh much less heavily on my conscience. BUT, I must take care of my boys. They are the most important thing.
Make sure that your distaste for her doesn't cloud your ability to see your childrens needs.

I too pray for direction. I will pray for yours as well.