Well, I haven't visited this board for about 6 months now, and haven't posted for maybe 9. For those of you new to the board or don't remember me, my WS divorced me in Dec 2001 and I didn't put up any fight at all(wish I did). I am still very much in love with her in spite of what she did although I have tried to deny it both to myself and to my friends/family. It has been an emotional rollercoaster since our separation last summer, and although I have tried to keep an even keel, there are times like now when I am very sad and question if life is worth living. Worry not, I am all for self-preservation, but I just wonder how long my unhappiness will last. I have met many new people, have experienced new things and had a few very short relationships since my divorce, but I still feel very much lost and empty inside. My WS keeps in touch via email, and she also feels the same lost feeling, and like me she sometimes thinks divorce was a mistake. However, every time she indicates she is interested in us seeing each other again, I reach out to her and she backs away. This breaks my heart over and over again. I am just wondering if any of you out there still have that 'lost' feeling of not knowing where your life is headed and if you will ever find happiness again. I have always been a positive person, always very happy go lucky, but this divorce has hurt me deeply and the world has become a large and empty place with little meaning. I have a great job, my friends are great, people tell me how great my life is, I do not have a difficult time dating, but I am just so very unhappy and I simply cannot see myself being happy anytime soon, with or without my ex-wife. I have been to counseling, and it has not helped at all. I am wondering if SSRIs are the answer now, if only temporarily. What happened to the times when I had such a positive outlook on life and felt that I had so much to look forward to? What happened to that internal light of happiness that burned so bright and welled up within me? Will it ever return? I pray and I pray and many good things happen to me, but I am still so unhappy. I never used to be a person who shed tears easily, but lately even a hint of a sad commercial or trivial things can make me cry. Advice anyone?

This has got to be very difficult. I would not react to the ex w saying she thinks the divorce may have been a mistake by reaching out to her.

She needs to show with something other than words on a paper that she wants to reconcile. Grief is a long tedious process, but this too shall pass.

If it is meant for you and your wife to reconcile, then you will. In the meantime, you need to take care of you.

Clasic signs of depression. Have you seen a Physician you can trust. Antidepressants help a lot. They can take up to 6 weeks to kick in but once they do your mood lightens a lot and you dont feel so lost.

Make an appt right away - nothing to mess with.

John

Indecision -

I hate that you are going through all of this, but it sounds like you need to put YOURSELF first, and then think about ExW later.

It seems like you are dare I saw watsing your time hanging around for her to decide does she want you does she not want you - instead of working on being the best person that you can be, instead of working on what makes YOU happy.

Unfortuinately, if you depend upon someone else to make you happy - like EXW, you may never be happy. Happiness comes from within, and you need to learn to be happy with or without her.

I know it's painful and it looks so promising, but you want to make sure that you are someone that she wants to come back to. Doing the 180 from Divorcebusting may be the way to go. WOrk on you - and if you want - Plan A - because Plan A is about changing you, and making yourself someone she'd want to be with.

I really don't mean to sound harsh, but you sound like a great person, with so much wates potential!

If it was meant to be she'll come around.

Maybe you should read Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson. It may apply here.

Good luck. K

Guess you've heard "If you love someone let them go. If love was meant to be they'll return. If not, then you're better off not having something you weren't meant to have." Something like that. Sounds to me like your ex is playing you - she doesn't really want you enuff to come back to you (evident in that she 'backs off' whenever you try to make a move her way) but then you are right there - ready and waiting - for her whenever she wants to pull your chain again.
I know this hurts you - my opinion is that divorce $UCK$ and hurts everyone. Have you tried playing it cool, why don't YOU back off and act not so interested, maybe even hint that you're dating again and 'it could get serious' etc. Wait a few days or even a week to respond to her email. Keep it short, simple and no details - leave YOUR FEELINGS out of your emails and IGNORE her feelings... In other words, leave a little 'bait' out for her and see if she 'bites' or not - Lord knows you've sure been nibbling plenty on HERS... If she's interested - really interested and misses you like she hints at, then she'll see she's in danger of losing you and will RESPOND... If not, then you will have called her bluff. There are plenty of exes out there who don't want their former mate but they don't want anybody else having them either...
Good Luck!
Harold

SSRIs are absolutely a great idea. They even you out- and will give you a floor beneath your feet. You can't really evaluate your situation with your X when you are affected by depression. Do yourself a favor, give them a try- you can always go off. There can be some side effects, remember if one medication has these, your doctor can tinker with the meds to find the one that is best for you. Make sure you go to a good doctor that knows his pharmacology!