My STBX moved out a month ago (my story is previously listed). I found out Saturday thet she is in another affair (OM 24, WS 35) for the past two months from 3 sources. One friend, a cop, said he saw her at a bar (he was breaking up a fight) with the OM in "intimate conversation" (e.g., "her leg was draped over his lap"). Her previous affair was with 19 year old teenager (she finally admitted when caught in too many lies).

She only admits to being just friends because "I'm not stupid, if I am in an affair, I could lose everything...". She denied the bar scene above, she denies the affair. She then says the people who told me "just want to f___ me, that's why they want to put me down" (lot's of cussing on her part, I hung up three times on her).

I then told the friend what my wife told me about him (I felt he had a right to know she was accusing him), he and his wife were upset to say the least. Wife calls me back , I told her that I told friend what she said about him. She went nuts!! (more cussing and hanging up). She said I poisoned her friendship with friend's wife, I told her she already poisoned it herself.

Finally, next day, things are calmer. We both agreed to be amicable and get separation paperwork done as soon as possible. She is mad at me because she can't afford a lawyer and I won't give her the money to do so. I told her I am already going to help with car and finding apartment, what in the hell else does she want?! I asked her why doesn't her new boyfriend help her? She said he asked and she refused, but I owe it to her.

Am I going $%@! nuts again? When does this crap end?! Do they ever tell the truth?

BTW:

She has admitted that this is an emotional affair.

I got anry in my last phone call and asked what in the hell I did wrong so much (she said I always drove her to drugs, affairs, etc). She said that I was a good husband, I always took care of her, never touched her in anger or swore at her. She is just incompatible and wants to move on "for my own good".

She is soooo generous for doing all of this for me!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Will they ever tell the truth?

Are you kidding me? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Just kidding!

I have learned through my experience with the WW, that in the English language the words "affair" and "truth" are NEVER to be used in the same conversation.

My WW started her A, both EA/PA over 2 years ago. This April 27 she left. I found out about the A 3 days later. She has not been back since, and filed for DV on 06/04. As far as I can tell, she is intending on going through with it. Although, mutual friends tell me that she is "wavering" with her feelings. Especially since she found out OM's W is "with child".

Anyway, she maintained after she left that it was over with OM, and had been since she left. After a PI, and some friends informing me otherwise, she STILL wants to lie about it! I mean, what's the use? I have undeniable proof, and she knows it!

She did maintain that after she found out the OM's W was preg, she and OM ended it. Looking at her pattern that was obvious (i.e. going straight home after work), it appeared that it indeed was. However, with a little investigating here and there, she is not totally honest about it. I do know there is SOME contact still between them.

What I couldn't figure out for the life of me is why she is still intent on not being honest about it. She has filed, I know about him, and here where I live marital misconduct plays no part in DV or property distribution, so why lie?

I think I have found some of the reason. I think she senses that telling the truth will drive a larger wedge in us than already is. She doesn't want that. I think she still wants me on the proverbial "back-burner" so to speak in case her and OM doesn't work out. That is the ONLY logical reason to me for her not to be truthful with me. If...she had absolutely no desire for us to ever repair M, then the truth would have no effect on us.

So really.....one could actually surmise that a WS "lying" could be a good sign. She doesn't want to look bad in your eyes. Because....somewhere....she still cares. But...in my case...she may be a "day-late, and a truth short".

My 2cents

HCII

HCii

I think you're on the money, here. Same thing with my EX. Told me the A with co-worker was just friendship, and someone to hang out with. So when I dropped the bombshell:"..but you DID go away for a weekend with him, dodn't you?...", she was silent, then all of a sudden discussion about him was off-limits.

She needed to lie to me to keep me in the picture, and convince me of her "integrity", and common-sense, when in fact she displayed NONE, getting involved with a guy living with his GF + 3 kids for >3 yrs. (while married to me)

Good sign? I don't know. Perhaps that, or just a desire not to face the truth about oneself or one's actions.

Muzohead

It seems that she lies so much that she actually believes what she is saying is the truth.

She is telling her mom that I offered to get a maid for her if she would come back! She calls me on the phone always saying she's depressed. The she can turn on a dime, starting to swear, saying she's broke, hungry and can have a lawyer nail my balls to a floor if she wants (but wants this to be amicable). I had to get a lawyer because I cannot trust her, period.

Again tonight, after reading the posts from us BS, it still seems that the BS are full of BS! Think about this scenario ... you did or are doing what they did. Think about this. If they caught/found out about (our supposed) behavior doing the same thing that THEY are doing/have done, how would they treat you now?

Throw this question back in their little cozy world of denial. A long, long time ago, a boyfriend of mine asked me if I knew what a double-standard is. It was the preface to tell me he was fooling around on me, but expected ME never to do that with him.

I believe those who cheat and lie to those who love and trust them are persons who:

1. Have no clue to what they do
2. Believe they deserve what they got because they can get what they want by blaming someone else for their actions, or
3. Have some deep-seated need to screw over someone else for a variety of reasons too deep to go into now.

I'd think I'd seen it all, but I have literally experienced all of the above (and no, I am not a loser woman with major problems. I am a person who somehow, someway attracts those who want to step on me and use me instead of love me like I need).

Right now I am so pissed at her!!

She called this morning to say she overslept and will be late to watch the kids. I have to leave at 6:30 to get to work (I am teaching a class in 5 minutes!). I called home and she is still not there. She told the kids there is a "traffic accident" and she had to take a detour.

I tried to call her cell phone and of course she doesn't f___ing answer! The place where she is staying changed their phone so I cannot call her to make sure she gets up on time.\

And she wants me to pick up half of her rent and car payment!?!?!?! She has not even started to look for a job!! What fantasy world do these idiots live on!?!

I pay almost double what is required and it is because I want to help. I moved out because I have a much better ability to deal with things than she can. I have told her she can have the house and car.

She tells me there is no other man. That this is just incompatibility. She lies at every breath. She even had the gall to say she wanted my "chair" back because she bought it for me. My parents and she split it for my graduation present from medical school 5 years ago, it is just a stupid Mission style recliner. She knows it, and she knows that I know it because she told me about it and they all helped me move it in the house together. But she needs to be right SOOOOO badly that she is willing to try anything in order to achieve it. I think she feels so guilty about her affair and the fact that she thinks I don't know, that she is angry with me everytime she sees me because of that guilt and how it makes her feel.

I think she feels guilty and by seeing me, that guilt is brought to the forefront. So she feels the feelings and thinks they are because of ME not what she is doing or has done. She is a mess and has been for some time. I wonder where the woman is that I married, then again I wonder if this was her all along and that I was just blinded by love and committment. Two things she has never had to worry about dealing with in any quantity.

NO, They can't tell the truth, because that brings on a whole string of truths and that messes up a good lie. It is easier to just lie about everything so you will begin to not believe nor listen to anything that is said. It makes catching the lies that count that much harder.

It is amazing the lengths they will go. At counseling last time we were together she began by stating that it was time for her to start putting "My (sic her) carreer first since I had held her back so much." I asked her immediately how I had held her back? being that I encouraged her to get her masters degree and supporteed her in every decision that she made. When did I ever hold her carreer back? She just stopped talking about it and started in on something else. She can't back up anything she says and gets terribly perplexed when I shoot her down with a question asking her to explain how she feels "I am doing this to (her)?"

Just be glad that you are free or becoming free of them. As much as I miss my "wife" I don't miss the person I am married to. I find that it is truly my family and my "wife" that I miss, not her. If I had my scalpel and could carefully cut her out of my life and tape another woman into her place and role as my wife and mother of my children, then I would truly be happy. She has gone to great lengths to hurt me and push me away. Well she has succeeded with flying colors. It is amazing what sort of difference 2 months can make in how you feel about a person.

Isn't all of this synonomous with a disease? When we get a disease or sickness, we think individually that this is only our sickness, whereas in reality, there are so many around us going through the same thing...