My soon to be exW has been dating someone for 3mo. She has introduced him to our 3 and 1yr old. A week ago,on her weekend, I was uninvited to my 3yr olds little birthday gathering because her boyfriend was there. That night I found out he was spending the night. She and I had an agreement that sleepovers with the opposite sex was not a good idea right now, but she did it anyway. I went over there at 1am and caused a scene. The police showed up and I told them I was there for the welfare of my boys. They understood. They couldn't remove him, which I understand. Is it wrong for me to think it's OK for this type of behavior to be acceptable? The following day I told her I was changing my petition to go after 100% physical custody. Any input would be appreciated.

Tx,
J

hello tx...i dont have any kids but it doesnt mean that you have to give birth to them to know whats best for them as in your case! i didnt meet my stbxh's kids for a really long time after we started dating and thats because i myself felt it would of been bad for them incase things didnt work out (who would of known lol) but in anycase you cant control what your x does but you can certainly look out for your babies.
lots of luck and i hope it works out for you!
lizi

<small>[ August 27, 2002, 05:15 PM: Message edited by: lizi ]</small>

This topic also hits home with me. We have been divorced since last september, 2001, and my ex-hubby is dating someone now. (i can't even imagine getting into a relationship so soon, i know i am certainly not ready), but anyways, i told him that i did not want the kids to meet her at this time, and my kids have made it clear to both me and him, that they are not ready for that. My kids are a little older, 9 and 10, and have a real problem with him dating in the first place already.
I think my ex agrees pretty much though, haven't had a problem with this. I know his girlfriend has said several times that she wants to meet them, but that won't happen yet. I doubt if the relationship will last anyway, why introduce them to her.

Everything I've read on this topic says its is not a good idea for the kids to see dates being paraded past them.

For one, I would think it is hard for them to see their parent with someone else.

The main problem from what I've read is that it causes the kids problems later in life. They have trouble finding/making connections with others or they search for the "perfect" mate.

This is what they've learned from the divorce, if it isn't working replace the other person. The same thing with dating. If they see at an early age, a string of dates run past them, what else can they think.

I had the same problems with my x and I too came real close to getting arrested. My x said it was alright to live together with om, who was married at the time, because they were committed to each other. She is getting divorced again on Tues.

All that said, it is very hard to date when you have kids. I have tried to keep that a secret from them. They knew of the first date I had, but never met her. The second one, my son pried out of me, and he knew her as she was a teacher at his school, not his teacher, but the same grade. We dated over a summer so there was no interaction at school. Looking back, this was probably one of my more stupid moves.

The third woman I dated, I met her kids the first night. Her x lives out of state so she has them all the time. My kids met hers on our second date because she invited us for a Labor Day weekend. Everything went pretty well.

The 4th and current woman I am seeing, I met her kids on NYE as she was working and brought her kids to the celebration. Her x only takes the kids on certain weekends and NYE isn't one of them(he's a drinker).

She met my kids by accident, because she was at my house and my x stopped with the kids so they could get something from the house.

My kids seem to have accepted her, although we only see each other about every other weekend as we live 70 miles apart.

I have told the kids we have talked about marriage, but at this point it looks like we will wait till the kids are out of the house.

My H was considering moving in w/ OW and would have kids THERE for their overnight visits. I about hit the roof. I went to several attorneys and they all told me the same thing. "The Court does not care." They will not stand in the way of him getting on with his life. My children are young too 3 and 4 1/2. I thought it was digusting but there was nothing I could do about it.

Good Luck

I have been separated since May and served papers in June. It will be January before the whole thing is done. I feel it is OK to have dates just don't make your sleeping quarters grand central station in front of the kids. Well you shouldn't do that anyway. I've gone on two dates that didn't do anything for me at all, probably just not ready for it. I'm over the shock of STBXW wanting a divorce. She has treated me like crap for many years so it is actually a breath of fresh air for her to be gone. I have started an email relationship w/ someone that is pretty nice. We talk on the phone and we have exchanged pictures. We are not going to meet in real life until after everything is final. I don't know how long it will be before she will meet my children after we meet IRL.