I am married - I was just married in March but have lived with him for the past 14 years. My problem - an old lover who I can't let go of. We have been sneaking around for the past 10 years off and on. It has now started up again except this time much more seriously. I find him sexy (he is a biker type guy with a few tattoos). He has had DUI's and been in trouble for drugs in the last couple of years. He is 35 and is now living with his parents. I am 30 have a great husband who is very good looking, great house, no kids yet. I am just not attracted to him anymore. I don't want him to even touch me really. I find myself trying to get him to go somewhere or even out of town so that I can be with or talk on the computer to the other man. I have it made in the shade but I think this other guy and I could have a good life together to - What is wrong with me? The other day I came home and told my husband that I wasn't in love with him anymore and that I thought I wanted to move out. He is so hurt and just wants to know why. The bad thing is I can't bare to tell him. Plus the other man has known my husband longer than I have. They grew up together. I am feeling that now that I am 30 I just want a change and I am so in love with my friend. Somebody please help me!

You are dumping your husband for a 35 year old drug abuser who lives with his mother because he has a tattoo and you 'just want a change'? This sounds like 'a good life' to you?<P>I am sorry I can't think of a tactful way of putting this.<P>Grow up.<P>Your choices are not complicated. You could leave your husband and move in with Prince Charming. I would seriously recommend setting a few ground rules first, like telling him the instant he starts using your money to buy drugs, you will leave him. If you do not hold him accountable for keeping these rules, God help you.<P>Or you go to your husband, tell him the history of your affair with this clown, get into counseling, and start learning with your husband how to meet each others' important emotional needs. It will not be easy, quick, or painless for either of you, but it can be done. <P>Which of these two courses of action do you expect will be most likely to lead to lasting happiness for you? <P>Think it thru and make your choice. Then stick to it.<P>May God be with you. I have a feeling you are going to need all the help He can give.<P>Regards,<BR>rs0522

TCH2MCH,<P>I would suggest that you post this question in the General Questions portion of the infidelity section. You get a lot of advice there, and hopefully you will be guided by that advice.<P>I know what I would advise, but you know what it is also. You will never love your H, as long as you are having an affair with the OM. Why did you get married to H, if you loved OM?<P>Please think about all of this.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

What were you thinking in March?<P>Did you see any redeeming qualities in your husband when you married him? Did you have any grasp that marriage involves commitment, responsibility, fidelity, trust, and a few other virtues?<P>The friend is an irresponsible law breaker still sponging off mom and dad!!!<P>You sound like Cleopatra - sort of like the Queen of Da' Nile. <P>The fact that you're here indicates that you have some grasp of the wrongness of what you're doing. Wake up and smell the coffee.<BR>You have some serious work to do.<P><BR>