My wife finally filed the papers yesterday. I have prayed so hard for her not to do it. I know God will take care of me and put my marriage back together in his time.

The one thing I thank God for in these last 8 months is my continued recovery from my addiction. He has blessed me in getting to know him again on a personal basis. I have a real relationship with God again and I haven't had that for a few years( living in sin and lies).

My pain tonite is almost unbearable but I will persevere. I wanted to go out and get really drunk somewhere but God convicted me real hard about it so I just bought some and came home.

I love my wife and would do anything to have the last 3 years back and do it all over again.

Sorry for the pity party but I just had to vent some feelings.

Love in christ
cajunky

Cajunky,
You did the right thing by not going out and getting drunk.
It may work for you at that moment, but it doesn't change your situation... in some cases it makes things worse.
Continue to put the Lord first, and let him lead your way.
I'm sorry to hear that your "W" went ahead and filed the "D" papers.
Keep the faith, and don't ever give up.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Wallace...thanks for the encouraging words. As you know I have put so much effort into changing my inner self through this that I will never give up. I went to a christian mens luncheon today that kind of picked me up. The speaker said the same thing about giving it to God and not giving up. Put God first.

My chest just feels like I have an elepahant sitting on it. This is true heart ache. I have laid in the bed for 2 days now except for the luncheon.
I guess it is so hard because I know I did it to our marriage but I also know how I have changed but I did a lot of damage to this marriage. I just pray that God will restore my wife and I back together and we can have a brand new, much better marriage.

I have commented on here how I miss my family and family time. I have so much guilt because I destroyed our family. I missed the birth of my sister-in-laws new baby. The very people who I loved so much I just threw away because I sinned with the flesh.

I pray everyday that God will use me somehow to prevent the same thing from happening to other men. I don't know what he has planned for me but I am concentrating on growing in him and listening very carefully to what he is saying in my life.
I love my wife very dearly and would give anything in the world for her hurt to be cast upon me. May God bless me and my wife.

Love in Christ
cajunky

<small>[ August 29, 2002, 07:28 PM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> My chest just feels like I have an elepahant sitting on it. This is true heart ache. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Cajunky,

I am also sorry for all you are going through. I am in pretty much the same situation. I know that feeling you described....I also know God is using this situation to change and mold me into the kind of christian I should have been all along.

I feel that my M was "dead." It had been for a long time, basically we both had a hand in killing it. The signing of the div decree was just a symbolic gesture of what had already taken place in our hearts (especially his). I didn't necessarily want to divorce my H, but didn't know how to change or fix what we were both discontent with.

As I said, my M was DOA. God raises dead things back to life!! He is the God of Resurrections....see where I am going? In some ways, the "death" of my M is an opportunity for God to work a miracle! Let Him work, Cajunk. He CAN do anything!!

Also, I wanted to share with you what has worked for me, in terms of trusting God to "fix" what I have destroyed. Understand that I am the BS, but I have certainly taken ownership of the elements of my M that I personally destroyed, even tho it was my H who walked out....

Basically, in every circumstance, and every situation, God wants - more than anything else - for us to PRAISE HIM and trust Him! Sounds almost too easy, doesn't it? It does! But that's how God's miracles work! Believe He wants your M restored, pray for Him to work all the details out to restore your M, and TRUST HIM to restore you M, and speak to your W, and He will!

Most of all, PRAISE HIM that He's totally IN CHARGE of the whole situation. NONE of this has escaped His attention, Cajunky. Remember that.

God Bless,

<small>[ August 29, 2002, 07:56 PM: Message edited by: lupolady ]</small>

Lupo....You made my day with your words.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Basically, in every circumstance, and every situation, God wants - more than anything else - for us to PRAISE HIM and trust Him! Sounds almost too easy, doesn't it? It does! But that's how God's miracles work! Believe He wants your M restored, pray for Him to work all the details out to restore your M, and TRUST HIM to restore you M, and speak to your W, and He will!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I haven't lost faith in God to restore my marriage but it just hurts so bad to see my wife hurt because of me. I am in the deepest darkest valley I have ever been in and it seems like satan is just laughing at me the whole way. I know God will get me back to the mountain top. I am so ready to see the light with my wife by my side.

I do know he is in charge and he will always guide me as long as I follow him in obedience and trust him.

I still pray for my wife everyday.

Love in Christ
cajunky

Cajunky, I am going through the exact same thing. My wife filed the divorce paper this week and I am still in complete shock after 3 days. We are faithful to each other and we married for 2-3 years. I know how you feel and you all are in my prayer. I really like what Wallace and Lupo said that we need to completely TRUST God and have FAITH, never give up and stay strong.

My pastor gave me this message Malachi Ch 2:16 and remind me to keep the "hope" much bigger than the "hurt". The bible verse basically said God hates divorce, therefore God will be on our side and will help us to restore our marriage. Remember to pray everything in God's will and time, not ours, and hand over the marriage to God completely and let God be in charge of it. May God bless all of you and pray for each other.

Follow...you are right. God does hate divorce. I know he says if you are unfaithful that he will grant it but he still hates divorce.

My bible study time today consisted of motives of prayer.

This is out of "Experiencing God Day by Day" a daily devotional book by henry blackaby.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Only when we pray according to Gods will is He pleased to grant our request (john 5:16). We will not see our prayers answered if we ask selfishly (james 4:3). If God refrains from giving us what we are asking, we should evaluate our prayers. Are our motives selfish? Are we asking for far less than God wants to give? ( ephesians 3:20). Are our request worthy of the God we approach? Do we lack the faith God requires to give us our desires? (matthew 17:20). God delights in responding to our request(matthew 7:7) If we will ask according to his will we will receive far more than anticipated! (jeremiah 33:3) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are right on the money when you said pray everything in Gods will. If we give it all to him and trust him he will answer our prayer. I truely believe that with all my heart.

Love in Christ
cajunky

CJ

I am so sorry. I will pray for you guys. It hurts indeed. But instead, see this divorce decree somehow as a beginning, you have to. I don't buy into the new age thinking--I am a Christian and the MB principles have helped me so much since embarking on this wild ride. I've read some of the Harleys' books and spoken to him once, but am in need of conserving as much $$ as possible right now so seeing a local christian counselor about 1x a month and she is tough but right on. She is wanting me to use the D as a way of transforming myself into a better, stronger Christian woman. God does hate the Divorce, but I had no other choice. I'm going to focus on healing me, improving thos areas needing help, and being the best full time mom ever. That's all I can do.

But in doing so here's the best part. We can pray God intervene and heal our broken marriages. Show your xW that you are not just talking the talk of recovery and healing. Show her in your interactions, however large or small that you are indeed a transformed and healed man. Live that way. And in doing so, you're giving God all the room in the world to work on things in His time.

Maybe these evident changes, over time, will bring a heling to your marriage. Maybe not ever. Only our Lord knows. But give things the best possible chance by loving God, your family, and yourself.

Keep up your recovery process. It may be hard, but if you are determined and become a resolved prayer warrior, you can defeat it once and for all. Read the verse about putting on God's armor. Put it on, deflect the evil, and stand tall each day. It's hard and sometimes we think the armor may be too heavy to pick up or put on, but we MUST do it. And read up on some of the Harley's material.

God bless. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Not peachy.....You are right when you said view this divorce as a new beginning. God put me and my wife together for a reason. I have been thinking lately that when God restores my marriage it will be a brand new marriage to a brand new guy that my wife deserves. I just have to keep up the recovery and the lifesyle that I live now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But in doing so here's the best part. We can pray God intervene and heal our broken marriages. Show your xW that you are not just talking the talk of recovery and healing. Show her in your interactions, however large or small that you are indeed a transformed and healed man. Live that way. And in doing so, you're giving God all the room in the world to work on things in His time.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I vowed to my family and to my accountability partners that I would not go back to the lifestyle that I lived. I have examined my inner self and I see where I disrespected my wife throughout our marriage(not all big things but some little things that I can do better). It is through this examination that I see where we could have a much better marriage(everyone was envious of our marriage before so a better marriage would be awesome).

I truelly love my wife and will always hold her up to anyone. She means the world to me.I guess that is why I have put so much work into examining my life and fixing my faults because she is the light of my life.

Praying for fellow MBers so we can restore our marriages like God wants us to do.

Love in Christ
cajunky

You are so sweet. God bless you. Recovery is hard, know someone who just gave up smoking last year and she needed some serious help even in giving that up.

Just show her who you are now. Yesterday is over. Tomorrow is here. As I type this to you, time is moving forward. Even if there is no change with xW, you will be a better person, better father, and your faith is stronger.

I try to cling to that every day. I get so down on myself. He made me think it was my fault. Sure, I don't have to recover from any drug or such, but I have to recover from all the heck I took. That will take alot of time. Maybe that is what your xW is doing now. I say this from experience. She is probably emotionally saying that she's tired of the roller coaster and wants to get off of that ride forever. I do too.

Funny, when my STBX came over the other night (first time that has happened in months), he alluded to us needing to divorce so we could start over possibly one day. Then the next morning he said as I was getting ready for work (and he kinda knew it was time to go) he said, I'm not good for anyone now. And he was right. He is not. Was I wrong for letting him come over, probably. I've been doing firm B for some time. But decided when I have to speak to him to do A but not overboard and other than that, pure B. For example, he sent me an email the next day and it was short but sweet. I am not reading anything into it b/c he's in deep fog. He's broken up w/OW for a few months now, but he went to coffee date w/another woman last week he divulged to me. Austin Powers is still prowling about needless to say. I am moving on and if he finds God again, he may find his family there as well. Or maybe never. Or like with one of my girlfriends, her xH came to her senses one week after she remarried in the carribean a few years later. He went by her house; hadn't seen her in a while, except for visitation switches and her H answered the door and informed him to take his flowers he brought her and bring them to her daughter instead. He was way too late.

But you still have time on your side. This whole thing is new. Just move on, keep your promise, and let God love you. I have hope for you, and much less for me. It has been almost two years since he began A with OW. I've almost been without companionship for that long. This has been so hard and still I'm not unfaithful to him. Again, I will leave this part to God. See what He's gonna do.

I almost think Austin was just trying to now add me to his string along list of chicks instead of being sincere at his desire to "date" me after D is final.

Let go and let God. Don't look back, our pasts are littered with alot of trash. The future is alot cleaner b/c we've not had the chance yet to trash it. I feel like every morning I bungee jump into unknown canyons. I kinda like the rush now, sometimes instead of the cringing fear that used to grip me as I woke up some days.

Realize that God is in control Relinquish that to Him. When you do so, you are acknowledging that He is creator of the universe and knows the past, present and your future. Better He in control than us pretending to be. He is sovreign.

I will pray for you tonight. Rest up. I'm tired.