Hello,
Most of you do not know my story, but it is the common walk away wife story. I've been comming to this site for a few years now and have learned a wealth of information from you all. I'll try to keep my question brief, but first a little background.

My wife and I had agreed on a controlled separtation back in March. After a year of MC our relationship dynamics improved somewhat, but there was always something stopping us from getting down to the core of the issues. I made the decision to move out during this controlled separtation. Something had to be done because we were heading down the same exact path again. I had to change the dynamics. The night before I was to move out her best friend blew the whistle on her. Our year long "recovery" was a farse. My wife was continuing contact with OM while pretending to work on our marriage. The next morning I told my wife to leave our home.

Since then I have made numerous boundries for myself. One was that OM would never again be part of my life, I had been playing this game too long. It was either him or me, period. She choose him and I filed for divorce, enough was enough. She has had the papers for 3 months now and still has not sent them in. For a women so hell bent on getting out of our marriage she sure is dragging her feet. I've never wanted this divorce, I've done everything possible to save my marriage, but after all the years of working and fighting for my marriage it was time to quit. Although I filed for divorce I also did it in a plan B sort of way. I sent her the first plan B letter shortly after telling her I was filing. I let her know I still loved her and there was still time to reconcile, but once the divorce was final, it would be final for good. Well, we have 2 kids and plan B has been a nightmare for me. She seems to always find a way to break the no-contact rule. I'm to blame also, I longed for her so much that I let my guard down too many times.

Last week after finding out that OM was living with her, I had to send another plan B letter. Seeing her had become too painful. I truely am better off not seeing her, but with the kids and all their commitments it's impossible to have no-contact. I am the custodial parent. She gets the kids to camp or school in the morning and has them until I get home from work. My kids are in sports 6 days a week which calls for us to communicate travel arrangements almost daily. I do my best to be business like, but I'm so much better when I don't see her at all. I'm almost to the point now that I'm thinking of relocating back to my hometown 3 hours away.

Those of you with kids, how did you or how are you currently dealing with plan B. I say plan B, but I'm more in plan D. My wife is long gone.

Thanks in advance for taking the time to answer.
Craig

Craig,

This really won't answer your question about the co-ordination of the kids, but I wanted to share with you what Steve Harley suggested to me.

Mind you, the younger kids are with me 1200 miles away from him, yet we have a business together and communicate daily.

Now, here's what Steve suggested to me - just be almost business like for now. There is too much to be co=ordinated to go to plan b now and that it would seem like manipulation. Wait until everthing is finalized then go to plan b (I'm seeking a legal separation not a dv).

Do you have someone that could be the intermeadiary? Maybe you could wait until the DV is done, then go into plan b. By that time, hopefully you have gotten more input on how to make the logistics work. I am interested in that as well.

Another suggestion, if you haven't done this already, post a link in GQll to get additional responses. If you don't know how to do that let me know & I'll link it for you.

God Bless,

D

D,
Thanks for responding. This has been a logistic nightmare. My STBX arrives at 6:15am during the week so I can go to work. I do not have anyone else for this time slot unless I hire a sitter which would be a problem financially for me. Plus the courts would not look favorably at hiring a sitter when my STBX is available and willing to be here. That would look like manipulation in there eyes. The court would not understand or care how painful it is to look at her every morning knowing she just got out of bed with him.

I'm not sure how to link this thread to the GQ forum. I would appreciate it if you could.

thanks,
Craig

<small>[ August 29, 2002, 10:00 PM: Message edited by: Raysofhope ]</small>