Right now I am so pi--ed at my STBX. I know she is in a "fog". I know she has a disease called addiction. But dammit, she was the one who chose to start sleeping around. She was the one who chose to start doing drugs. She was the one who chose to move out. She whines she doesn't have money, a job, or her own apartment. This has been for over a month now. She thinks if she gets an apartment magazine at Food Lion, she has done her part.

I have been taking care of the kids full time for the past month. For the past several years, she skips out on the weekends and I take care of the kids. I don't mind so much because I always do stuff around the house (yard, garden, cleaning). I have always tried to do the housework for her because these stupid book on love languages, sex begins in the kitchen, etc. said to do the extra share.

On top of all this crap, I have had sex only twice this year, once in June and January before that. She is sleeping with 19 year olds and now a 24 year old (she denies it, but all of her friends told me this is so). But I have to wait an extra year until the divorce is final, before I can attempt a relationship of any sort. Long showers can only do so much!

I am in counseling now, trying to do the best I can with the kids. But I am so bitter an hateful right now at STBX. I ask God for forgiveness and pray to change my heart. But when I am doing all the work to get the kids ready for school, am the main source of comfort for them. Try to be the Mom and Dad at the same time (STBX watches the kids if I work, but kids say all she does is sleep. STBX says they are lying...) I become extremely bitter an acrimonious!

I told STBX to have a mother/daughter day tomorrow for out 10 y/o D. I bet she won't call. My B-day is on Tuesday. I pray she won't try to get me anything as I will promptly throw it in the trash...

Thanks...know that I typed this crap out, I feel a little better.

Pete

know she is in a "fog". I know she has a disease called addiction. But dammit,

Go to Alanon

She whines

SOOOO WHATTTTT - don't listen to her

On top of all this crap, I have had sex only twice this year, once in June and January before that.

That much? Wow - for me it's been zippo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />


told STBX to have a mother/daughter day tomorrow for out 10 y/o D. I bet she won't call

It's your expectations - she wont/cant/doesnt live up to your expectations right now. Don't have any of her. You can hope but expectaions just cause anger, frustation and resentment.

I ask God for forgiveness and pray to change my heart.

God answers prayers. What a great Dad the kids have. They can see that. Concentrate on God, you, and your kids.

I was at an open AA meeting Friday & there were 2 speakers celebrating birthdays. Both credited hitting bottom and being willing to change when the people around them let them live with thier own consequenses. Consequences physically, finacially and otherwise. No one can do it for them. Getting angry wont get her to seek help, getting frustrated and resentful won't get her to seek help.

Now, I know this is the place to vent and I can tell that you are vERY frustrated right now. So, will you do something for yourself? Write down 10 things that you are grateful for and post it?

God Bless,

D.

PS

I will pray for you and your family

WGTT:

Thanks for the tip!!

Things I am grateful for...

1) Three beautiful children!
2) God!
3) Parents and in-laws supporting
4) The resources to get my kids school supplies, clothes, and little gifts etc.
5) Good books
6) My health
7) This forum!!
8) ...
That's all I could think of for now...

Thanks for the dope slap to knock me out of the pity party!

TTMO -

It's perfectly ok to have a pity party - I've sure had my share.....

I agree with WGTT about going to some sort of anon group Al Anon is great or Co-dependents Anon. if there is one in your area. You can also read co-depent no more by Melody Beattie. I'm not saying that you are co-dependent but the books and the groups really help you become your own person again after having been dependent upon your spouse for so long.

There are also some groups like parents without partners that meet to lend each other support.

There is also a good thread on the GQII board about Acceptance by Bramblerose - it's floating around that board somewhere.

It takes counseling(which I also highly recommend so that you figure out what went wrong and can change things so that your kids don't make the same mistakes because you've taught them some bad personality habits), support, prayer and time to get through this.

I have learned, after a year since d-day, a divorce from WH and his subsequent marriage to OW, that you do heal. You just have to make sure you put the work in while time is passing.

Please continue to vent any and all feelings, questions, thoughts, whatever here - I do. And it does make you feel ALOT better.

K

Come on Pete, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> where is 8, 9 & 10? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> You have it in you - what else are you grateful for? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

God Bless,
D

OK OK...

8) Sparky (our golden retriever)
9) Quitting smoking 2 weeks ago (my oldest son was too relentless in his nagging!)
10) Being so tired now that I can hopefully get a good nights sleep.