Today my husband told me that he wants to have an amicable divorce. He wants to sit down at the table and come to a reasonable and stress free conclusion.

Unbeknownst to him, I have contacted an Attorney and have begun the divorce process. Last Friday he asked for the divorce and that same night I called my Attorney who told me not to do anything until I saw her. When I saw her the next day, she told me that in order to protect my son from my husband taking him and going to his mother's house, I should file so the Court could grant a temporary custody order.

I don't know for sure that my husband will take our son (who is a year old) but my MIL and him have accused me of being an unfit mother.

If he wants to do this amicably, did I make a mistake in filing? Should I have waited until he filed? Could this still be done amicably?

Thanks!

No, you did the right thing. My STBX's parents work for him and have an apartment here about an hour away. You need to understand the laws that immediately go into effect when a D is filed. Even if that is the case you must at all times be aware and wise. How old is your child?

You must realize that from the day the D being filed is made known, your life is like a fishbowl. A glass house. My H tried to take me, a great stay at home mom formerly, to get primary custody of our son b/c when the D was filed, our son lived with me 90% of the time. He even took him from school for 10 days and emailed me horrible things saying he was going to take my son, that I'd never see him for at least 6 mos. etc. That was when my attny intervened and called his attorney and gave them one hour to produce my son or there would be an emergency hearing in a few days and he was in direct violation of the immediate standing order when the D was filed. All of it needs to be understood, and H didn't.

Yep, this is horrible and even the loving IL's will pick sides and blood is thicker than water. Just do only what is truly right and in best interest of your kids and preserving what they are accustomed to. That is all you can do besides pray.

I also had to file and my back was forced against the wall. I knew that either I filed first or he would and then there could be other repurcussions from that legally. I didn't know much about D, but was glad I knew a tiny bit.

Read up as much as you can. Treat it as you can as a business transaction. Like a company is breaking apart and the goal for you is to keep your company, your part of the company and those loving little people under you in the green and safe. Cry about the emotional stuff when you are not needing to be objective. Although I did it, sometimes I'd see my attorney and we would be discussing the terms of the "settlement agreement" (ANOTHER NEW AGE OF TURNING IT ALL AROUND TAKING THE WORD DIVORCE OUT OF IT ALL). I laugh when legal people call it that. Even my STBX calls it that b/c helps his conscience. Funny, but I feel like I'm having to settle and I don't agree to that. ha ha.

Be proactive. Your kids and what is best for them is at hand. Cry in the shower. In the closet. I do it all the time. I will pray for you. And when situations like this happen and the children's are being treated by the WS like a puppet, then D has to be immediately addressed. You can't put it off. Not now. Remember, a D can always be stopped at any time but now you must make their custody a moot point for nobody to argue with during this difficult time. Plus will allow you some more power. You're in the driver seat now. That is important. But remember that you must ask God for directions.

Thanks Peachy!

My son is a year old and the love of my life. My MIL is totally in love with my son and would do anything and I mean anything to see him. My MIL has called my mother and told her about things that I do (like about a bruise on my son's head that he got from one of his toys but of course I got blamed for not watching him closely) or not feeding him on time or taking nights with my husband so we can both get some sleep. She feels that I should do everything and my husband do nothing since he goes to school and I only work from home. Of course she doesn't fully understand that I am making the money and she is paying for her son's schooling.

Anyway, my husband has been verbally abusing me and I am told that I can probably use that in my case against him.

babytoluv-

I have heard that some people have an amicable divorce, but if there is any infidelity involved, there is usually no such thing.

You could suggest mediation - which usually is non binding and totally confidential and anything you agreed to would have to be reviewed by your attorney first.

However, I would stick with the attorney. This is your child's future you are talking about, and sometimes, although you would never have thought it, the other spouse doesn't always think in the best interest of the kids.

Case in point, my ExH says that he wants the best for his children, but only if he only has to pay for half - or none. He didn't even want to pay for dental care for the kids, adn he doesn't want to pay for routine medical care either. Now, tell me, does his actions = best interest of the kids?

And I would have never thought it from someone who just whines all the time about how he loves and misses his kids. Please be very careful about falling for this. You need an objective opinion here and an attorney is the one to give it to you.

Be careful. K

Hi Baby,

My advice is listen to your attorney.

Are you and your IC working on your self confidence? I hope so.

Take care