Sigh...

Divorce final April 16th 2001.

Though my WS XW hasn't said anything about it to me, I know that she is getting married sometime next week while her parents are in town. She's been moving in with him. (6yo D keeps me informed)

She knows that I am dating, though I never tell her anything. (6yo D)

She hasn't given me any problems since exploding around April of this year when it finally set in with her that she's not going to get custody. She told me to "have a great life!".

I know I have a lot to be thankful for, custody and a reasonable XW (most of the time), but it seems the OM will continue to be in the picture. I can handle the divorce, but the OM in the picture makes me puke. School events and such.

Maybe it will all come to a head once they get married. The OM's XW reported that they never had sex during their entire 4 year marriage. So, if his excuse has been "no pre-marital sex", then that excuse will soon fall flat.

Hoping for a RWD-type repeat...and an end to the madness.

Kevin

Kevin,
Hopefully om/h won't be too interested in the kids activities. I don't think my x's om/h would have come to too much school stuff, although he did come to some of the sports events.

Hell, x hardly makes school stuff. They will probably be still so much into each other and the kids will come in second.

Don't expect much and you won't be disappointed, that was part of my problem. I kept thinking she would be a mother. She was too busy being a girlfriend.

Hang in!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Kevin))))))))))))))))

I know how you feel <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I can do nothing but pray for you and say that it is destined for doom, this OM/M thing.

I am so proud for you choosing to get on with it. You have held up your end of the bargain. I know that day, if and when it comes, will be the biggest pill ever to swallow. Let us know and we will pray for you.

When I am down, hurting the most, I remember what my old Sunday School teacher told me. I called them and asked them after consulting w/minister if I should file for D and they unanimously told me to. I cried and cried talking with them. I was living out of state at the time and they said it's hard when nobody is there to hold you when you cry but remember, when you hurt the most, just find a quiet place and be still. Be still and focus on our Heavenly Father and let Him gently love you. That is so powerful to me.

Do something for you. Do something for your child. Even dads these days to go a spa and what girl doesn't like to get a pedicure? My neice turned 7 and she had a "spa day" birthday party and bro in law got his feet done with them too. He actually admitted he understood why us gals did it and had fun...

Bless you. (((hugs))). I don't know what else to say.

XW told me yesterday she and the OM are getting married. Of course a week ago she says she loves me and she is considering getting back together.

XW says it is not like they are sending invitations next week, but eventually they will get married.

I wonder if they are going to have a religious service?

Kevin,

My heart goes out to you; I'll pray for continuing strength to endure this 'never-ending' nightmare of sorts. I guess your position hits home for me as I too am wondering how I am going to handle having OW be a constant in my kid's lives once WS and OW decide to get married. It's one thing to (try and) accept their deceit and betrayal and get on with life, but a whole different thing to realize how much contact/ impact they could potentially have with our children. The thot of her being anywhere near them makes my skin crawl.

Anyways, as someone else here said, let us know when the day is, and you can be assured there will be many prayers lifted up for you. Keep doing what's right and good, and take care of yourself. -nel

All I can say is that I was in a similar situation. Separated on April Fools Day 2000 and divorced November 2001. I had never laid eyes on "loverboy" until last June. I was dreading its happening but for what its worth it was a non-event. I don't know what I was worried about. I guess I figured that the guy she left me for must be better than me but you know, when I looked at him, he looked just like a regular old guy to me. His morals aside, there was nothing remarkable. The worrying about finaly seeing him was far worse than the event.

Hang in there.

Lou

MY EW married OM in june, didn't seem to mean much to me, since I have been getting on with my life. I think they have to prove they did the right thing by leaving, prove they have found there soulmate, we will see how it goes once the fog lifts and reality sets in.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ September 06, 2002, 02:10 PM: Message edited by: ThornedRose ]</small>

father of 1, husband of 0:

Divorce final April 16th 2001.

Though my WS XW hasn't said anything about it to me, I know that she is getting married sometime next week while her parents are in town. (6yo D keeps me informed)

She knows that I am dating, though I never tell her anything. (6yo D)

TR- I'm sorry that your still hurting over this, but, if you are dating..and moving on with your life, why does it bother you that your exw is getting married? And if it does still hurt as bad as it did before when your daughter talks to you about it..why not just let her know:

"honey, thats your mom's life, it's what she wants..I hope she's happy, and I really hope it works out for your mom's sake...but it really doesn't concern me anymore other than if something happens to you while your there."

It will help you in the long run if you can do this..

my kids used to tell me things their dad does and I just explained to them..that is his life..he can live it as he chooses..and I can live mine as I choose..as long as you kids are taken care of..and aren't hurt..then it's not my business what goes on his home..just as it's not his business what goes on here any longer...

and I told them if their dad asks them whats going on in my life..then tell him to ask me..if he can't talk to me personally...well then he doesn't need to know..just like if I have a question about something for him..I talk to him yes, it's uncomfortable, but it's between he and I..and the kids shouldn't be drawn into our adult discussions..

So for your own sanity..don't worry about her getting married..so you don't like this man..it's okay..you don't have to like him..or even live with him..and if your daughter has school functions in the future and he goes..then think of how wonderful it is that he cares enough about your beautiful little girl to be there too..to support her as a step dad, and that opens the door for you to see if he hurts her in anyway..

Just as I'd hope that if you one day remarry you would want your new wife to go to your daughters functions..and not stay away just because your ex is uncomfortable with her there..

But then I guess maybe I look at this differently than others here..I can't make someone love me..no
matter how hard I try..and if they leave because they think they will be happier somewhere else...
well, I hope they find what they are looking for..
yes, I may love them dearly..and it may hurt like hell that they left and that they didn't love me the way I hoped they would..but I won't let it destroy me..I want them to love me freely and not out of fear..just as I want to love freely and not out of fear..

but, seriously, good luck in handling this..I know it hurts to see someone you loved very much
make what appears to be a huge mistake..but it's hers to make..not yours..and you can't make her change her mind..

I've been reading all of the replies.

Thanks.

My post was more of an update than an expression of misery. I thought that an earth-shaking way of looking at the situation might come to the surface the way it has many times for me on MB. Perhaps at this point, I've read it all or nearly all. I suppose understanding betrayal, relationships, and moving on causes this.

My life is really awesome right now. I have a great girlfriend. I have a great daughter. I have primary custody and a fair child support agreement. (guys get screwed the majority of the time) I live in an awesome place. I have an awesome, though stressful at times job. I am in a much better position now and much of it occurred because I had to deal with the betrayal. My life was turned upside-down.

My view is that pressure and time make diamonds. I've had an immense amount of pressure in my life over the last few years, but you know, I've grown incredibly. Some pressure still continues, but mostly it is due to the economy, job security issues in information technology and issues related to 9/11.

As far as my XW. She's very naive and is headed for misery. Thorned Rose is correct in that I believe she's making a huge mistake and it is hers to make.

One day my daughter was going on AGAIN about the trip she had with the OM and XW. At one point, I told her that I didn't want to hear about it. I talked the occurrence over with my girlfriend who wisely pointed out that my daughter would have loved for me to be there to share it with her and since I couldn't be there, the next best thing is sharing it with me by telling me the things that happened. I will not cut off my daughter again. She has absolutely no understanding of betrayal; therefore, I should not view her comments about what goes on over there negatively.

Basically I'd like to get the train wreck of my XW and OM over with. Granted, it may take years as it did with my mother and step dad, the OM, so I know I must go on with my life.

Kevin

<small>[ September 07, 2002, 11:13 AM: Message edited by: father of 1, husband of 0 ]</small>

I read your posts and our situation are very similar. I am dealing with betrayal everyday. My SBXW is still living in our house and that won’t change till possibly. Jan 03. I have three children and seem to be on track for primary custody, only after spending major money on attorneys and court ordered Phycologists .Still the small degree of uncertainty is unnerving. My two oldest boys won’t stay a minute in the house with out me. I haven’t even started to get into the OM that’s involved. Your are correct it’s a horror show. I would like to talk to you about custody if you have a moment. Can I have your e-mail?

Adam

There it is!!!

The earth-shaking way of looking at the situation has surfaced.

It's "The Freakshow". (thanks adamS)

Like from the scene in "Independence Day" where the president and party are taken down to "the vault". We ARE dealing with aliens, right?

Additionally, I'd love for my XW to be happy with any man other than the OM. The OM contributed to the breakup of my marriage and the OM and XW are building a poor environment for my daughter.

e-mail: obfusc8ed@hotmail.com

Kevin

<small>[ September 07, 2002, 12:07 PM: Message edited by: father of 1, husband of 0 ]</small>