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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 17
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 17 |
My W and I separated 3 weeks ago. She is moving very quickly towards a divorce. My W says she needs her independence and needs to feel whole. I do not want a divorce and hope everything can work out. My W has proposed a system by which we rotate and are in our home every other week so the kids lives are not disrupted. I understand the stability for the kids (age 10 & 7) but how will this effect my efforts to eventually win my wife back?
I am willing to give her space and time. I have read a great deal and understand the importance of not pursuing her. Am I in Plan A or B? I also believe that she is not thinking clearly right now.
I think that her real motivation for the house sharing is so that she won't lose the house. She can't afford to keep it on her own. I also believe this arrangement does nothing to show her what it is to not have me around.
Any thoughts?
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 1,143
Member
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Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 1,143 |
jsiena, I'll give you my 2 cents worth on this. I think your "W's" idea is a very bad one... for you and your children. If she needs to be whole again, let her move out. Why should you and your children be put into a house sharing position? Because your "W" needs her independence? I would clearly stay in the home for your children's well being as you sound like you are the more responsible parent based on your brief post. Are you currently living in the same house now, or has one of you moved out at this point? I would also call an attorney asap, if indeed your "W" is/or has filed for "D". You need to protect yourself and your children's homelife as well as financial considerations. If your not sure if you are in Plan A or Plan B, I would highly recommend reading all the info on this site for a good beginning, and to give you an idea of what you are dealing with. There sounds like there may be more to this situation concerning your wife's motivation and want of independence. Can you elaborate some more about what prompted all this? While you and your "W" are still sharing the same house, I would begin Plan A, if you haven't already. I'm sorry you are in this situation. Take it one day at a time, one step at a time, and don't make any rash moves. Stay Strong! Wallace
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 17
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 17 |
I have moved out. It made the most sense for my kids who are in school and the W who works at home. Her want for independence is something I do not understand. She could have it within a relationship. I truly think she is confused.
My W read the book, given to her by her counselor, called the "Verbally Abusive Relationship" and now acuses me of being controlling and manipulative on top of verbally abusive. I also read the book and while I was sarcastic at times and discounting, I am no where near the extreme examples in this book. These terms came from the book and were conveniently assigned to me once I discovered the emotional affair she had.
I feel that my W has chosen to make a mental list of negative thoughts when our marriage was actually great. I also believe her need for independence has taken her back to high school. She had the EA with a high school friend, is contacting other high school friends and, quite frankly, is acting like a 17-year old with no responsibility. I think that high school is a time when it is easy to be free, but reliving it in your late-thirties is a bit much.
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