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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 105
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 105 |
WW now X grandmother dies and I offer to be there for her. She shuns the offer of support. We were married 18 years and I feel it is my obligation to be there. I asked if she was going alone and she asked why? I explained that I wanted to be there and it hurt to immagine being told no so she could take OM. Told her I still cared for her and still hoped that we could put the family back together at some point but her continued persuit of the other relationship really hurts.
I dont know what to do or maybe really how to do it. I should probably not even try and forget about her. Even the bible says to let an unequally yoked person go. But I still love her. She has hurt me and my children terribly but I can not help it. She is not acting like the woman I love but I can not seem to shake my feelings for her.
Arrrrrgh
John
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 5,924
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you go and show your respect to your wife's family. . . . do not sit near your X, just be a supportive member of your W's family
wiftty
<small>[ September 03, 2002, 03:57 PM: Message edited by: WhenIfindthetime ]</small>
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,788
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Agree with other advice. That would be the kind but firm thing to do. Try to not speak to OM or validate their A in any way. Be strong and be silent. However, let the family publicy know that they have your deepest sympathy.
I lost my grandmother 2 years ago in December. H was off on wild spree having a new A with his OW. I was falling apart, b/c I had just buried my dad a year earlier. He did not come back in town for the funeral, but my IL's did. It hurt worse than you could ever imagine, so be there for her. Don't hate or despise the sinner, hate their sin.
God bless you,
J.
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 11
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 11 |
I can totally relate,and yeah it sure hurts..im sorry.. My situation was similar,except my stbxh,was there for me,yet cold and distant,i would have been better alone,to top it off the ow had the gall to show up at my grnd fathers service..i almost went ballistic. I think the previous post says it all,be strong,be silent,and show your respect to the family,dont validate the A at all,you are the better person...
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 1,504
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Joined: May 2002
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John C - I hear and feel your pain. During my stbxWH affair, my father was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer. He died this past January. It was hard, knowing I lost my father, and going through my husbands affair. Also, he was in a midlifecrisis sort of thing. Eating to almost 300#'s, sitting on the computer typing to marriage builders, and phylosophizing with whomever would listen. Death during an affair is difficult, and you really didn't have the chance to grieve for the loved one you lost.
Go, and be there for the family. Don't sit next to your W. Just hold the kids, and have the kids be with you part of the time. Give hugs, and kisses to the famly, and give your sincere heart to them. They know you are hurting, and you knew the family so well, cause the death of her family member was your family member as well.
Good luck.
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