HI I AM NEW AT THIS SO PLEASE BARE WITH ME<BR>I DON'T WANT TO WRITE A BOOK SO I AM GOING TO MAKE THIS SHORT....<BR>I AM 21 I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS, MY HUSBAND IS 23 I LOVE HIM DEARLY<BR>BUT RIGHT NOW WE HAVE BEEN SEPERATED FOR 3 MONTHS.. I KNOW I MARRIED YOUNG, AND MAYBE I WASN'T READY, BUT I AM NOW AND IT TOOK ME THESE PAST THREE MONTHS TO REALIZE THAT ...<BR>I WANT HIM BACK I DID SCREW UP A COUPLE TIMES <BR>NOT SEX , BUT HE KNOWS ABOUT IT , I TOLD HIM WHEN IT HAPPENED ABOUT 10 MONTHS AGO..<BR>ME AND HIM FAUGHT SINCE THEN , IT WAS LIKE ME AND HIM AT FIRST WERE A TEAM FIGHTING WHATEVER LIFE THROUGH AT US AND THEN AFTER MY DEPRESSION , IT WAS LIFE WE STARTED TO PIONT THE FINGER AT EACH OTHER FOR EVERYTHING THAT WENT WRONG... IT HURTS SO BAD RIGHT NOW.. <BR>HE SAYS HE JUST NEEDS TIME AND SPACE TO MISS ME AND THAT I AM DOING A GOOD JOB PROVING MY SELF , BUT THAT I NEED TO GIVE HIM SPACE I FEEL LIKE I AM PUSHING HIM AWAY MORE AND MORE ANY TIME I SEE HIM.. LIKE THIS MORNING JUST FOR AN EXAMPLE.. I WENT TO HIS HOUSE LAST NIGHT AND HE WAS A SLEEP BU TI MISSED HIM AND WANTED TO BE BY HIM SO THEN HE WOKE UP AND WENT TO HIS MEETING AND THEN HE CAME HOME LIKE 3 HOURS LATE, (THE NIGHT BEFORE HE TOLD ME THAT HE WOULD SEE ME TODAY) WELL HE DOMES TO HIS APT, AND ME BEING THE FOOL , IS CLEANING HIS APT.. WELL ANYWAY HE ENDS UP HAVING A FRIEND WITH HIM, WHICH WAS FINE EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT , HE SAYS TO ME WELL <BR>WE HAVE TO LEAVE SOON SO, I AM LIKE OH SO DO YOU WANT ME TO GO AND HE SAYD WELL SOON..<BR>I WAS SO UPSET I ASKED TO TALKA IN PRIVATE AND THAT WAS A PROBLEM BUT WE DID ..<BR>I TOLD HIM THAT I AM SICK OF HIM TREATING ME LIKE I AM A PIECE OF SH**. AND HE SAID WHAT I TOLD YOU I WOULD SEE YOU TODAY AND HERE I AM <BR>, BUT I HAVE TO DO STUFF NOW SO ... HE HAD BEEN THERE FOR 10 MIN.. AND HE WANTS TO GO OUT WITH HIS FRIEND , SO HE LEAVES ME CRYING IN THE BATHROOM , AND SO I WALK OUT AND START TO LEAVE AND HE IS LIKE COME HERE, AND I SAID<BR>**** YOU ! AND HE WAS LIKE FINE AND SO I LEFT <BR>AND HE THEN COMES WALKING OUT TO THE OARKING LOT TO LEAVE WITH HIS FRIEND AND I SQUEELED <BR>MY TIRES AND LEFT AND CRIED THE WHOLE WAY HOME, IT IS BREAKING MY HEART SO MUCH I HATE TO SEE US LIKE THIS.... PLEASE HELP ME , LEARN HOW TO GIVE HIM THE SPACE HE NEEDS TO MISS ME AND APPRECIATE ME AGAIN AND THE SPACE I NEED TO BECOME A WHOLE PERSON BY MYSELF AGAIN.. I NEED TO BE MORE INDEPENDANT THAN I AM BEING , THIS IS HURTING ME AND EFFECTING MY LIFE ENTIRELY TOO MUCH... WHY IS STYAYING AWAY SO EASY FOR HIM AND SO HARD FOR ME? <BR>PLEASE HELP..... THANK YOU<P>------------------<BR>chance<P><BR>

I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling. <P>Reading your story (oh please use lower case okay, capitals are seen as "shouting" when you're on the computer! ) it reminded me of my husband and I at the ages of 21 and 23 before we got married. <P>I would say that you may have not been ready for marriage. But then I think that most of us are not. We have no idea what issues marriage is going to bring up and we are typically unprepared for all the difficulties we encounter. <P>I would guess that there's a whole identity thing going on with both of you. Maybe you saw marriage as the answer to the questions of Who Am I, What Do I Want in Life. You seem to be very upset and acting out by being overly possessive. I did too <P>Please read all the Dr. Harley stuff you can get your hands on. On this site, and get his book (His Needs, Her Needs). Plan A is about recovering your marriage after an affair, but it also works for any conflict or withdrawal symptoms such as you're dealing with. <P>You need to modify your behavior and work on being relaxed and calm. This will all work out one way or another. But you need to stop "love busting" so that your husband can stop being defensive and reactive. He needs the dust to settle a bit so he can think clearly. And see you for who you are, not as someone who is feeling desperate.<P>You need to pay attention to yourself for a bit, have some confidence that you are a good person, one worthy of love, you need to convey that self-love in order to be attractive to anyone or your husband again. <P>So, that's my 2 cents. Information is your strength. <P>Find out all you can and try to see things from your husband's point of view. <P>Okay? I wish you well. <p>[This message has been edited by Lisanne (edited August 09, 2000).]

Hey River,<BR>I hate this! I just typed you a message that was three times as long as your post and my computer booted me off and I lost it all!!!! (Ha, and you thought YOU were writing a book!)<BR>I am just about typed out so this one is shorter.<BR>Give him space. Do what Lisanne suggested. Go out and have fun so it will be easier to stay away. <BR>I was/am in the exact same boat you are in. I will reply more later.<BR>Do give him some space, though and hold your tongue when he is insensitive! That only does more harm than good!<BR> <BR>What is new? Reply, again! Hopefully good or at least better news!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Left out:<BR><B>Hey River,<BR>I hate this! I just typed you a message that was three times as long as your post and my computer booted me off and I lost it all!!!! (Ha, and you thought YOU were writing a book!)<BR>I am just about typed out so this one is shorter.<BR>Give him space. Do what Lisanne suggested. Go out and have fun so it will be easier to stay away. <BR>I was/am in the exact same boat you are in. I will reply more later.<BR>Do give him some space, though and hold your tongue when he is insensitive! That only does more harm than good!<BR> <BR>What is new? Reply, again! Hopefully good or at least better news!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR CONCERNS I THOUGHT PEOPLE WOULD RIGHT AWAY JUDGE ME BECAUSE OF MY AGE AND THE THINGS THAT I DID WRONG IN THE RELATIONSHIP. IT IS NICE TO KNOW THAT SOMETIMES STRANGERS CAN BE THE BEST FRIENDS YOU MAY EVER HAVE AT A CERTAIN POINT IN YOUR LIFE....<BR>ANYWAY AS FOR ME AND MY H .. I AM WORKING ON BEING MORE INDEPENDANT, I HAVE FACED THE FACT THAT I WAS AND HAVE BEEN VERY CODEPENDENT IN THE PAST... I FIGURE WITH OR WITHOUT HIM I HAVE TO LIVE AND NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE IN THAT ASPECT OF THINGS..<BR>THERE ARE ALOT OF THINGS LIKE A BAD CHILDHOOD THAT I AM TRYING TO MOVE ON FROM SO WISH ME LUCK AND PLEASE PRAY THAT MY H DOES COME TO SEE WHAT A GREAT GIRL I CAN BE TO HIM.. I LOVE THIS MAN VERY MUCH BUT YOU ARE RIGHT HE NEEDS SPACE AND I AM PREPARING MYSELF FOR MY OWN LIFE NO MATTER WHAT...<BR> <BR>THANKS AGAIN <P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Left out:<BR><B>Hey River,<BR>I hate this! I just typed you a message that was three times as long as your post and my computer booted me off and I lost it all!!!! (Ha, and you thought YOU were writing a book!)<BR>I am just about typed out so this one is shorter.<BR>Give him space. Do what Lisanne suggested. Go out and have fun so it will be easier to stay away. <BR>I was/am in the exact same boat you are in. I will reply more later.<BR>Do give him some space, though and hold your tongue when he is insensitive! That only does more harm than good!<BR> <BR>What is new? Reply, again! Hopefully good or at least better news!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>