My husband and I have been married for 7years Sept.30th. I always had this feeling in our marriage of missing something. Even a year into our marriage, I had talked to him about this. We always brushed it under the rug. Two years ago, I had an affair. I was ready to leave, but he asked me not to go. It took a while to let go of the affair, but I finally did. We never talked about it and I had such horrible guilt, I never opened up to him. I already had a problem with being closed up and this just made it worse. I did read Surviving an Affair, and I realized then what I had been missing and why I found it in the affair. I wanted that with my husband, but just never had it! EN!!! He did read part of the book, but that was it. We never followed through once again TOGETHER to repair something or to start a new adventure together. We have always had intimacy problems. I am sure that is mainly my fault for being so closed up. Well in July, he had an encounter with a woman. He says it was that one time and I had caught him. I know all the signs and I believe he is still having this encounter. He says he loves me, but he doesn't admire me and he has been faking everything for the past two years. I am wanting to work this out but he doesn't want to waste any more time with this relationship. We are both 32 yrs old and we have no children. I want a family so badly and I know that is not a reason to stay, but I want it with HIM!!!! I want to go to the Seminar in November, Dallas Texas to finally start repairing and building our relationship! He doesn't want any part of it. He says, if its not there naturally then you can't manufacturer it. I feel so helpless. I want to be strong, but I am losing it!! I cry every day and I think I am better and one thing comes up and I lose my composer once again! I feel like a mental case! I hate being like this. I feel so scared, lost, helpless. I know I have a life to live still, but I just feel like crawling in a hole and staying there until I stop hurting. I am afraid of losing my job, and I know so many people have more difficult situations to deal with in their life, and I keep trying to look at that, but it's not helping. I want to be strong, how do I get past this? I want to stop crying and be happy once again. Should I continue to work with my husband. I feel like I am pushing him further away.

Hey Melly. I know what you are going through. It is not all the same, but I am feeling the same feelings as you. It's sad to say that my 1-year anniversary is Sunday, and we didn't even make it that far. My story is posted under Someone Please Help. I wish I knew how to help you, but I don't know what to do either. It's like the harder you try the further they push you away. Neither of us have even had Affair's, and he still wants to give up. It is sad that it is too easy these days to just give up and get divorced. What ever happened too happily ever after. I wish there was something I could do or say to help you. All I do is come here and vent, and it makes me feel a little better, until I have to go home and be ignored by my husband, and it starts all over. I know how you feel about the crying. That is all I do too. I hate being around my family and friends, because they are all happily married. The longer I stay home the more depressed I get. I have been talking got a counselor, and it helps me, until I get home. I wish I had her sitting on my shoulder telling me what to say and not to say when I got home. I&#8217;m here for you to vent to. Keep me posted and try to keep your head high <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Melly,

Join the club! All I can tell you right now is to read more from the forums and use plan A. If you don't know what plan A is, read about it on this site. It's tough going through the beginning stages.

For me, it got better. I could not eat or sleep. I lost weight and could not function well at work once I found out about WW in April - 2001. Did all I could to save M. I filed for D last Nov. I feel like I can go through with the D now.

Just give it your best at making it work. That's all you can do right now. If it does go sour, at least you can say you tried everything in your power to make it work.

Remember - life is too short!!!!!!!!!

Good Luck

Dino

Melly,

I'm sorry that you too are going through this.

You are probably right when you said that you and your H never repaired your marriage after your A and of course the M naturally got worse.

Can you remember what it was like when you had your A - there is a time when it's almost impossible to talk any sense at all into the person who is currently involved with another - it's all those infatuation hormones raging. And who wants to give that up for something that they know hasn't been going right - just like what it says in Surviving an Affair (SAA).

It's not real love, but your H obviously didn't know how to deal with your A and now feels like he's found an easy way out. Is it really an easy way out? No. But he's not in a teachable mood right now.

I'd pull out SAA again and decide what you are going to do. You know that begging and pleading won't work.

If you want to give it a go, then do Plan A. Shoe your H what the marriage could be like if he returned. Stop all Love Busters(LB's).

Work on you. Get a support system going - friends, fmamily, a counselor, church group - whomever, you need lots of emotional support now.

And remember that Plan A takes a long time - at least 6 months, because it takes that long for the WS to get it through their brain that the changes are lasting. And if your WH is still carrying on with the A at that time then you can go to Plan B - or continue with Plan A and you will eventually fall out of love with WH.

Take this time to do the questionaires as if you were your H and ge ta place to start. Read some self help books and work on yourself too. Figure out what you need to do to be a better person.

Marriages that can whether an A are even stronger than before, but it takes two to work on a marriage.

For now, figure out what you can handle. You can also post on GQII board and they have lots of advice and support about people in your situation.

May God Be With You. K