GIIC,

I found this list of websites and started to go through some of them & thought of your XH and some of the tricks he is playing.

dirty divorce tricks

I hate that it comes to this .... better to be informed. YUK

God Bless,

D.

<small>[ September 05, 2002, 09:10 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

WGTT - Thanks!

I actually go see my lawyer tomorrow to figure out exactly where I stand.

It's sad to say, but my faith in the legal profession is not on the rise.

Where are all the good lawyers? I jsut want an lawyer who is honest with me, who actually kows the law, who is prepared for court, and actually returns my phone calls - or at least has his secretary return my phone calls.

When I go into private practice, I should make a mint if only I do those few simple things, because no one else does them. At least not where I live - there is always a flaw.

Hope you're doing ok, and thanks again for the website - I'm going to go check it out right now!

K

God is in control,

Where are all the good lawyers? I jsut want an lawyer who is honest with me, who actually kows the law, who is prepared for court, and actually returns my phone calls - or at least has his secretary return my phone calls.

When I go into private practice, I should make a mint if only I do those few simple things, because no one else does them. At least not where I live - there is always a flaw.

Are you an attorney? My image of most of the legal profession is not very good. That doesn't mean there are not good ones out there.

I don't want to play dirty legally, but I want to know if someone is doing (or trying ) to do that to me.

Please keep me in your prayers, the S**t is hitting the fan financially and it's not easy. (Could not get thru this with out my faith and trust in God.) I know when everything has finished "exploding" and the dust settles, that I will be OK. It's just going thru it that is so painful and exhausting. Thanks for asking about me.

God Bless,

D.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> "a lawyer that does his/her job????" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You don't happen to live in Canada eh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I am on lawyer number 4, and court appearance #43 on the horizon. My "new" lawyer "appears" to be what I am looking for.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> but then again...I have said that before! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Elan,

I am on lawyer number 4, and court appearance #43 on the horizon. My "new" lawyer "appears" to be what I am looking for.... but then again...I have said that before!

Yikes! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Is this pretty typical? Would love to get feedback on this. What did you learn, why is this one good? what would you do differently?

God Bless,

D.

OOOOOPPPPPPSSSSS
DDDDDOOOOOUUUUUBBBBBLLLLLEEEE PPPPPOOOOOSSSSSTTTTT

D.

<small>[ September 05, 2002, 09:11 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

WGTT -

Yes, I am an attorney and forced back into the workforce courtesy of my ExH.

You are on my prayer list, and talk about finances - I'm supposed to sell the house and be out of it by the end of Oct.

I have 4 kids, a 6 mo. old, no job and no thought of where to live. Talk about relying on God. - Oh, and the spousal support runs out then too.

Not that I'm going to rest on my laurels. I've always been the responsible one. But this is a totally different feeling for me, not realling knowing what will happen in the future, just knowing that it's all going to be ok!

K

Hey GIIC...I didn't know you were an attorney! My friend is one also and going through her own divorce. What a mess for her though...same kind of bull that I'm going through. Actually we have been thinking of joining forces and starting up an advocate group up here for women.

WillGetThroughThis -- court date #43.... yes, up here it is typical, but very hush hush. So many people just give up and let the abusive ex continue his abuse and work through it. Me.... I'm not going to let the *system* get away with murder... meaning I'm not going to *wait* until my ex kills me before they do anything.

As for getting a lawyer...this lawyer is a criminal lawyer that turned to family law. He has experience with people hiding assets and digging out the truth in ways my ex will BEG to end the court battles. (still praying and hoping it all turns out though!)

I'm supposed to sell the house and be out of it by the end of Oct.

Do you want to stay / Can you afford to stay in the house? Are you selling cuz XH wants his equity? If so , is there someone you could joint venture with? What if someone you knew bought the house much less than it was worth? and then resold to you?

I'm trying to figure out same thing. I have RE agent comming out next week to tell me what my options are at this point.

I have 4 kids, a 6 mo. old, no job and no thought of where to live. Talk about relying on God. - Oh, and the spousal support runs out then too.

Yikes! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I will certainly keep you in my prayers ( I always do) but didn't realize all this was going on.

I've always been the responsible one

Me too, sometimes I feel I'm too responsible. WH spends money like crazy and I feel guilty taking YS to a water park for his upcomming BD!

just knowing that it's all going to be ok!

Yes, God is good, all the time. You will know intuitively which way to go, who to talk to, what to do. Lord, lead your faithful servant in the direction that you would have her go, you know her needs and those of her kids. Protect them, heal them and help them find the right place to live, how to support them , and even a change of heart for the XH to continue spousal support even after the agreement is done.

God Bless,

D

Elan,

As for getting a lawyer...this lawyer is a criminal lawyer that turned to family law. He has experience with people hiding assets and digging out the truth in ways my ex will BEG to end the court battles. (still praying and hoping it all turns out though!)

How did you find this attorney? How did you know this one would be different than the others?

God Bless,

D.

WillGetThroughThis,

Remember...this is my fourth lawyer. When you are dealing with an ex who is not willing to sit down and discuss anything, you have to be very wary of the type of counsel you choose.

I found this guy through a whole lot of research. I sat in court and watched cases in family court and how counsel acted. I educated myself in case law in the court library and looked at past cases like mine (finding out what was feasible and what wasn't). I talked to A LOT of people to find out what they liked and what they didn't like about their lawyers.

The lawyers I called, I asked them if they had experience with abuse cases and also hidden assets and lack of disclosure. This guys name kept popping up. I went to see him and the first thing he said when he looked at the latest court order was, "This is a F&%#ing mess! Any idiot can see this court order is WRONG"...then apologized profusely for swearing. The more documents he looked at the madder he got.

I have to have faith in this guy. He's a legal aid lawyer and I have no funds to hire an attorney any other way. Up here, we still have to pay legal aid. This guy comes highly recommended, but realize I've been in this game for three years. If there was one thing I could recommend to anyone, that would be to learn as much as you can about the *business* end of divorce and leave your emotions outside the door. Learn the in's and outs of affidavits, motions, orders etc. so that you are better informed when you walk into that lawyers office. So much of the court battles I have had were based on emotion. My ex saying how *hurt* he was in affidavits and me taking offense to it and defending myself in repeating affidavits. Lawyers and judges don't CARE who hurt whom or how many times the phone rang from the girlfriend.... Facts...and numbers -- that's all they want.

Hope this helps!

I have not had a chance to check out that "dirty tricks" site, but I am so glad that you posted it!

I have felt a strong conviction that God led me to my attorney, but I guess I'm just not very well informed about the way things work.

Still, I am discouraged by un-returned phone calls, and seeming in-attention to medical treatment that I am unable to obtian, due to my H's total control of our finances. It is apparantly legal for him to keep everything including credit in accounts without my name since I am a homemaker, and have been for over 8 years. You have to be married 10 years to get spousal support.

I've been busy raising the kids. Forgive my laziness! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I hope that those of us in this same situation can continue to share whatever legal knowledge we can. It sure helps to know if you are on the right track.

I'm going to go check out that site.

Thanks,WGTT!
BW

After 2 years, I can certainly attest that attorneys can make life living hell if they want to.

I got talked into collaborative law 9/00 by a smooth talking guy. Was actually going to be the first case in my county to go, so the attorney was more concerned for his bloody "process" than for my kids and my concerns. After STBX smashed my older D into a wall coming into the house, I asked for a restraining order. I was told I needed to get STBX's permission to get one. I soon realized that this man and this procedure were not going to protect the girls or I. In May 02, was doing a settlement agreement and this attorney walked by, looked at me then walked over to my stbx and shook his hand! Talk about a pompous [censored].

Onto, a new attorney... I went with a new attorney in 12/00, and things kind of coasted while I dealt with my older D's emotional crash (from severe abuse over the years by stbx). STBX got a new attorney who is very litigatious, I requested a restraining order, got a 4 hour deposition on why I wanted a restraining order. Makes me get a corporate attorney, acuses me of lying at every breath, adds a few letters to supervised to make it unsupervised visits with my younger D, when I finally get a stay away order, doesn't put it into teh written orders so stbx still comes to the house and harasses us. Has drug things out for 2 years and driven costs to the extreme... let my stbx just file a claim on the equity of the house, but I had to keep paying on credit cards. His first statement to my attorney on the day of the settlement agreement was, "When is your client filing for bankruptcy?"

So, I have children who were abused by their father, but one still has to see him, I'm still standing, but the ground is pretty darn soft underneath me, and this STILL isn't over. I never got a restraining order, took 6 months of fighting to get the written language that I have a stay away order, STBX still calls and harasses us at every turn, yet there is no recourse. I filed a child abuse case with the police and it is sitting there, even after it has been proven there was abuse! Think this may be a blessing in disguise, though, as my attorney feels that if stbx is held on criminal abuse charges before the divorce is final, that his attorney will turn around and file criminal charges against me as I was present during at two of the attacks and didn't "do" anything. I did, just didn't happen to call the police and file charges at the time because I had it ingrained in my head by stbx that if I had called I would have lost the children as I was the "bad" one. Abuse in all it's forms leaves us so disempowered, and attorneys like my stbx's use it to their advantage.

STBX ended up paying his attorney about $90,000 so far, and he's driven my costs up to about $50,000. For someone who wanted to end the marriage, his priority seems to only be to destroy me, and his flipping attorney just keeps on helping him do it. I only hope that stbx has to pay some of my attorney fees, then I can finally look at the whole financial picture and try and wade out of the quicksand that is slowly sucking us under.

Mind you, this type of divorce scenario only happens with people who try to destroy the other party. I have stuck by my initial thoughts from the very time he left; I wanted the kids, the house, and for him to sign off of the business. Stbx has changed and fought about everything, and I do mean everything. Even now that a settlement agreement is signed, he wants to come through the house after being gone for over 2 years and take some more "personal" items and anything I don't want, and split up the remaining community property in the house. Funny thing, he requested all his personal stuff and it was given to him 3/02.

So there IS no more community property, he just wants to value the barbeque and the lawn mower I suppose. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Sorry, have to keep some sort of sense of humor about all this or it really can send a person spiralling. Divorce bites the big one even if being apart from your spouse is in teh best interests of all involved.

Lori

Bangarra....man do I hear you!!!

There are people like your ex and mine out there. Mine wanted out, he wouldn't move when I finally had enough...just stayed in the house for a year to see how many of my buttons he pushed.

During that year he would tell the kids I didn't love them or care for them...that I was selfish because I returned to school...that I had many *lovers* because they were calling the house (fellow students that were working on mandatory joint projects)...you name it. Finally I succeeded in having him removed from the matrimonial home.

You would think that two years down the road he would finally be done with it. I'm out of MY home, he's just bought a quarter-million-dollar home and I am supporting one of our children on part-time wages and have had to move in with my mom. NO spousal support (although ordered), NO child support (although ordered), NO financial disclosure (although ordered)...and the list goes on and on.

I am working on FAITH. I have to believe that God has a reason for all of this. I am working towards independancy (hard to do after being a stay-at-home mom for 16 years -- no experience unless you count all the volunteering -- which btw...companies DON'T). It's a struggle and at best of times I pray for evening to come so I can go to bed. I am depressed most times and put on a pretty damn good happy face <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> for all others to see.

This site is what keeps me sane and keeps me going. All I can recommend is be EDUCATED in legalities. The time you spend at the court house library and reading on the internet and books will pay off ten-fold. I've learned to be a private investigator (saving me thousands of dollars), have learned to properly document (proving to the courts he's lying) and have learned to take care of myself without HIM. Self-esteem has taken a bashing with not being able to find a full-time position, but with it I have the faith that God has something incredibly awesome for me when the time comes.

The youngest that lives with me is blossoming into an incredible young lady. She values herself as well as others and has wisdom beyond her years. Had I have stayed in that abusive relationship, it would have never happened. The oldest daughter that was estranged from me because of the continual lies is now coming around.... and that's the ex's doing and not mine. He's just lied one too many times. What goes around, comes around.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this crud too. Know that you are NOT alone and that there are others (ME! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) who understand totally what it feels like! If you need an email buddy when the going gets rough, let me know! I don't mind providing the shoulder for anyone going through this. Strength in numbers!

Take a trip to the law library....the hours you spend there will be well worth it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wow after reading some of the stories here mine seems pretty simple, just not done yet.

STBX's lawyer has misplaced the actual divorce papers twice and some other papers beofre that that held things up for a few weeks. We are going for 6 months and papers still aren't signed. And what I got in the mail this week will not be signed either. Not that I am trying to drag this out!!! We had worked towards an agreement for 2 months and when he took it to his lawyer, things got changed around. I would have signed what we had agreed upon and this would have been done!!! But we got lawyers involved!!!UGH!!!!

Just my 2 cents for the day!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks so much for responding, I guess you really don't know how someone will react until it happens. I don't think WH will get crazy like some of your STBX's but I don't know for sure. I want to at least know where to go if he does. WH has a good friend and his partner in crime that is an attorney. They are not in the state where I live though (thank God)

I hope that those of us in this same situation can continue to share whatever legal knowledge we can. It sure helps to know if you are on the right track.

bachelor's wife - I have a lot to learn too. Have been cruising the web trying to learn, but the experience here is invaluable.

All I can recommend is be EDUCATED in legalities. The time you spend at the court house library and reading on the internet and books will pay off ten-fold. I've learned to be a private investigator (saving me thousands of dollars), have learned to properly document (proving to the courts he's lying)

Elan, could you be more specific - where do you go or what do you ask for at the court house? Where do you look on the internet?

We had worked towards an agreement for 2 months and when he took it to his lawyer, things got changed around. I would have signed what we had agreed upon and this would have been done!!! But we got lawyers involved!!!UGH!!!!

daybreak - Attorney's have to make thier money somehow. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Mind you, this type of divorce scenario only happens with people who try to destroy the other party. I have stuck by my initial thoughts from the very time he left; I wanted the kids, the house, and for him to sign off of the business.

Lori - That's basically what I want the kids, the house, a monthly insurance check and the business in my area, he can have the one where he is living.

There seems to be such senseless pain that this kind of DV creates. I bet both you and Elan will be sooooo relieved when it's all over yet, it may continue in some form cuz of the kids. (?)

I am so thank ful that I found this site and you wonderful faceless people out there who respond to one another. It makes it so much easier to deal with.

God Bless,

D.

WillGetThroughThis

Check out all the divorce sites and start keeping notes. Find out where your local law library is and whats required to do some research. Many law students are willing to help and point you in the direction you need to go. Larger centres have groups like Legal Guidance that offer divorce information classes for one night a week for a couple of weeks.