I've been divorced for all of 10 days now and something weird is happening to me. All of a sudden, I am constantly thinking of the good times my XH and I had and it makes me so sad.

I have to drive by the place we met every morning on my way to work; next door to that building is the restaurant where we had our first date; next to that building is his old office where he worked when we met. I hear a song on the radio that reminds me of him and I have to turn the radio off. I think of all the good times we had, all the traveling we did, and I just want to cry.

After all the bad things he has done to me, why now am I suddenly just remembering the good? Is this normal? Is it just another phase in the healing process? When will it end? Has anyone else experienced this?

Fingers - my friend,

Triggers suck. When I was first separated - I had them ALL the time, a song, place, the dog, tv, just about anything. It took some practice (and therapy, ha ha) to look at these triggers when they happen and smile, acknowledge that time in my/our life was good and it's a nice memory. Then, I think about where it went and where I am now (in a much better place).

You know you are in a better place too - it just doesn't feel like it right now.

Some things that helped me:
-journaling (writing just about everything I was thinking, especially vents)
-getting out and doing stuff (I know you are doing this)
-working on my yard/house (I neglected the yard for months, working on it gave me a sense of pride again and now I'm spending as much time as I can out there with my pooch. My XH hated anything that had to do with yard work. He mowed and weeded, but didn't care about flowers or gardens.)
-counseling (I'm to the point now that I only go when I feel the need to. I went every week for about 3.5 months. My therapist was great and kept me on track to look at my stuff and what I'm going to do to take care of #1 - ME).

Hope this helps. I sent you an email. Take care girly - it DOES get better.

Llama

Hi Fingers,
I agree with what llama said, Trigrers suck!
I as well, am surrounded by triggers.
Just being in my house will set off a trigger at all different times of the day and night.
What you are experiencing is not unusual... in fact I believe it it is quite normal.
Some triggers are worse than others... some pass quickly and others do not.
If you let yourself dwell on it long enough, it will eat you alive
llama's suggestions work for me as well.
IMHO, you need to try to occupy your time as much as you can.
When these triggers present themselves... acknowledge them for what they are, let it pass as quickly as possible, and drop the thought from your mind asap.
Try to find anything, anything at all to divert your attention from the memory.
Count out loud from 1 to 100 if you have to (as strange as that sounds it has worked for me in the past).
I'm not sure how long this continues, but from my own experience, it gets better as (and here is that dreaded word again) "time" goes on.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Triggers are awful!! Don't have many any more. What helped me when i had "that feeling" about a song, place, etc, is to right away think of all the "BAD" things he did, and the way he treated me, for me, it got rid of that good feeling real quick.

Believe me, in my case, the bad way out weighed the good!!

Hmmm. I deal with them every day. Finally bought a cher cd with the song "strong enough" on it b/c it is a horrible disco song that describes it. Play it when I get down and those take over. I think sometimes about all the betrayals, so much more than I'd ever post here, and the lies, and then the flip side of it all. How he used to be, our plans to have a child, and how I almost thought he would try....

My triggers are as follows: women riding harleys as OW did that. Disneyworld. Miami. Those I'd have to explain, but in case of lurkers (I once referred OW to this site to see how to go about finally leaving H alone) will not elaborate. Next week is anniversary of my filing for D. I will probably be a basket case and cry that day. Feel it in my heart but am going to start praying about that tonight.

Fingers -

What I think is happening is that you are GRIEVING. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

You are grieving the LOSS OF THE MARRIAGE. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Its natural, AND necessary. You can't heal unless you grieve.

I still cry over the senseles destruction of our family because of the inability of ExH to get his act together.

But know that the sadness will come - less and less as the days pass, but that it's ok to feel those feelings because it means that you are on the road to recovery. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

K