I am so unhappy in my marriage of five years. We have a child together and I stay cause of her. Do you think that is wrong? I just don't want a divorce to mess up her life. I don't know what it's like cause my parents were happily married. And also I am just so afraid in general. You know, starting over and being alone. What should I do??

Besides having a child, it sounds like being unhappy in marriage is common place. I was 40 yrs. old when I met my future husband. I had been divorced for 19 yrs. and my husband was still in the process of getting his divorce. We have been living together 7 1/2 yrs. and married for 5 yrs. After the first 6 mo. of living together, his 2 boys by his previous marriage came to live with us. Their mother just deserted them. Since this time, I have been basically unhappy in my relationship, but at my age, I fear the unknown. I have resigned myself to the fact that my marriage is not what I had hoped for but it is certainly better than being alone. My husband & I both agree we have drifted apart from each other and we should fix what is wrong or get divorced. Everytime this discussion comes up, we decide to make things better or go our separate ways. The next morning, we are back to the same old people we were, ignorning the fact that we are unhappy. I can feel for you so much, as I hate being unhappy, but I am not sure I could exist without having the security in my life today. I am very emotionally needy and my husband seems to just put up with me and I am afraid if we split up I will not be able to find someone that will be able to deal with my emotional needs. Hang in there, I guess we can only take the hurt for so long and then we either destroy ourselves or take the leap to independence.

Mividaloca:<P>I'm sorry for your unhappiness in your marriage. You are not alone! Many of us have been through this.<P>What specific issues are frustrating you?<BR>What needs are not being met? <P>Is your spouse willing to work on these things? Is he/she willing to cooperate toward developing a relationship that is mutually satisfying? <P>In answer to your questions, I think staying together is important for the child but<BR>you and your spouse need to develop a relationship that the two of you want to stay together for also! Are Dr. Harley's materials helpful to you?<P>What have you tried in these 5 years to fix and build the marriage?<P>I think no marriage should end without counsel (pastor/counselor) and trying all resources you can to work at it. Just because a relationship may look hopeless, that doesn't mean it is. Maybe there is some information you need that could turn the whole thing around!<P>Most of all, since God is the one who created marriage, He has a way it works best for you.<BR>I hope as a couple that you are seeking Him for what to do for your marriage issues. <P>Divorce is a last resort, after everything has been tried to work things out. Have you confronted your spouse? Have you gotten a pastor or Christian counselor to help or confront him/her? <BR>